Monday Morning News Recap

Your fingers are jittery, and that is to be expected with St. Patrick’s Day on a Sunday. Normally, I avoid the holiday, but I was off work and visited some of my good friend’s at McNellie’s and a few other Midtown spots. I get really uncomfortable seeing people wearing leprechaun hats because they’re appropriating culture from mythical creatures. The packs of bros downing drinks that are named after a form of explosive terrorism that literally thousands of people have died from is also discomforting. All that said, I’ve had a few brews and shots with my industry folks tonight and I’m ready to get down to the dirt…

Janet Barresi Wants Us To Go To Hell

If you want to read an absolutely bonkers person go off the rails, check out the transcript in this story. You’re gonna hear about building walls, obscure bible passages, and an unseparation of church and state that would make the founding fathers spin in their graves. Thank God our state’s education system is no longer led by someone so hellbent on teaching through religion.

Ambulance Thief!

Carjacking is bad enough as it is, but stealing an automobile that exists to save lives is some bad shit. Life is not Grand Theft Auto, you ain’t gonna steal an ambulance and make it out without consequence. Spend the $10 to catch an Uber or a Lyft, and you’ll save thousands in court fees.

Bad Trade, Bro

Not sure how much 50 grams of meth costs, or a handgun for that matter, but this is a bad trade all around. Guns are such a common currency in Oklahoma now. If you need one that bad, write your congress person, and they’ll send you one for free. Don’t give away precious crank just because you feel the pressure to stay strapped.

The Unemployable of Tulsa

If at first you don’t succeed, break the doors down and get arrested. That is apparently the maxim they follow in ol’ Tulsa Town, where this dude got busted after wrecking a business that didn’t want to hire him. Dress for the job you want, not the one you have- that means leaving the banana-yellow Banana Republic polo at home.

Frackquakes Are BACK!

In case you’ve been wondering why Oklahoma has been so quiet in regards to seismic activity, we just had another movement. It may have just been a 3.0, but earthquakes are back, baby!

Steven’s Sports Beat

Surely, KD was “hurt” with the warm welcomes he receives coming back to the Peak. Let’s hope he continues to collect rings on stocked teams. Of course, LeBron’s west coast swing has not worked out too for him or the Laker faithful. The infighting and bickering had been a treat. Oh yeah, KD. Boo

As if losing to the defending world champions isn’t bad enough, this is the halftime entertainment. If one of those cats can shoot over 60% and deal out a few dimes, let’s put him on contract.

The Sooners got bounced in the first round of the Big 12 by a 12-17 West Virginia team. Somehow, they still made the big dance as a 9-seed, having to play an 8-seed Old Miss. Granted, the Big 12 was strong this year, which is probably the only reason OU got love from the selection committee. Still, the epic, no-rebounding conference bounce means it’ll probably be another short tournament run. (-Steven)