7 New Ice Cream Flavors Braum’s Should Probably Consider

Earlier this week, Braum’s announced they were launching six new ice cream flavors that your grandparents are bound to enjoy. Here are the details via KOCO:

An Oklahoma-based fast food restaurant chain has new treats for the public to enjoy.

Braum’s announced Tuesday that it has released six new ice cream flavors: Cookie Monster, Strawberry Blondie, peanut butter and jelly, deep raspberry ganache, oatmeal cookie and spicy mango raspberry fiesta.

“These sweet temptations are available for a limited time only, so head over to your neighborhood Braum’s to find your new favorite,” officials said in a news release.

Cookie Monster? PBJ? Deep Raspberry Ganache? Those flavors are boring and have no Oklahoma feel or connection. As a result, Brandon and I thought it would be fun to come up with our own new Braum’s flavors. They have our permissions to go with them instead…

1. Classen Circle Crunch

Although they weren’t able to convert Classen Circle into a super Braum’s, they can still pay tribute to the OKC counter-culture with a vanilla, or possible orange sherbet, mixed with amaretto and Coors Light and topped with crunchy cigarette butts and syringes. It will have you feeling high and low. – Patrick

2. Red Dirt Raspberry

Now patrons can experience the taste of what early 20th century pioneers saw-red nothingness. The flavor profile would be water-molded iced dirt, raspberry and a dash of cinnamon. – Brandon

3. Everything But the Dining Room Tray

Mixed with old straws, salt packets, dead flies and an old sticky ketchup swirl, this flavor will recreate the filthy magic of your neighborhood Braum’s dining room. – Patrick

4. Shitty Local IPA

Finally, an ice cream for your friend’s annoying hipster boyfriend who won’t shut the hell up about drinking locally. Satisfy your need to be a shithead snob and eat the IPA-infused mix. It will fill you with hoppy flavors faster than you can regret your decision to buy it in the first place. – Brandon

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5. Crinkle Cut Vanilla

Love them or hate them, Braum’s crinkle cut fries are an Oklahoma classic, and like most fries, pair well with vanilla ice cream. – Patrick

6. Kiwi Sherbet 

They’ve already let Steven Adams be a Braum’s employee for a day, which probably explains some of his back problems. So they might as well give him his own New Zealand-inspired ice cream flavor. – Patrick

7. Ribeye

Ribeye: Once the fabled meat sweats stop after your man-dinner, try our state-certified steak ice cream. Common folk may not distinguish the taste, but experts say it tastes of useless lobbyist money and poor decisions. – Brandon