Woman steals water truck from Sapulpa Walmart parking lot to outrun “zombies”

I’ve always been a fan of apocalyptic zombie movies. I remember being a teenager and watching Zombieland on the portable DVD player my cousin snuck into church camp.

For those of you who are uncultured swine and have never seen the movie, Zombieland is a post-apocalyptic movie in which Woody Harrelson and a group of teens travel across the U.S. of A. outrunning zombies and smoking dope with Bill Murray. In the lawless land of the film, the protagonists steal food, guns, and trucks in an effort to gather enough supplies to survive to safety. So I can understand where Tamanda Billings was coming from when she stole a truck during the recent Tulsa County-wide zombie infestation.

Via The Smoking Gun

APRIL 10–In a desperate bid to escape a pack of pursuing zombies, an Oklahoma woman tried to steal a delivery truck parked outside a Walmart, according to cops who yesterday nabbed the suspect as she struggled to get the vehicle in gear.

Yes, methamphetamine appears to have played a contributing factor in the alleged truck heist.

According to a police report, a man called 911 Tuesday morning to report that a woman had jumped into his truck, locked the doors, and was attempting to drive away. The truck, carrying Sparkletts water bottles and jugs, was parked outside a Walmart in Sapulpa, a Tulsa suburb.

The suspect, identified by cops as Tamanda Billings, 27, reportedly told driver Devonte Harris that she needed his wheels to flee zombies. Harris, who was delivering an order to Walmart, said that when he asked Billings to get out of his truck, she replied, “No, there are Zombies after me.”

Like my niece’s $60 toys that never include batteries and Walmart only having one checkout lane open at a time, it can readily be assumed that methamphetamine played a “contributing factor” in Ms. Billings’ zombie escape plan. The meth may not have been allowing her to think clearly by sober people standards. But you have to admit, on meth she has the perfect rationale, guts, and problem-solving ability to survive the zombie apocalypse.

 But Billings, a mother of two young children, had her escape from the undead stymied when she could not get the Freightliner truck moving. Cops responding to the 911 call eventually had to break the vehicle’s window to remove Billings from the cab.

Seen in the above mug shot, Billings was charged with auto theft, trespass, and receiving stolen property. She was arrested hours after bonding out of the county jail following an April 6 bust for possession of methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia.

Billings has a lengthy rap that includes convictions in four separate Oklahoma counties for crimes like arson, malicious mischief, public intoxication, resisting arrest, and disturbing the peace. Following a 2016 trespass collar, Billings claimed that “Satan” had dropped her off in the neighborhood she was found wandering. “I don’t like cops, you’re all possessed,” Billings declared, adding, “They’re coming for us.” Cops reported, “There was nothing worth noting in the general direction she was looking.”

So this isn’t the first time Ms. Billings has had a run-in with the law. But even though her rap sheet is full of what our society labels as “crimes,” you could argue that during a zombie apocalypse all of these deeds could be considered survival tactics. Arson? How else to do kill multiple zombies at once. Auto theft? How else do you get away from a hoard of zombies safely. Resisting arrest? Resisting zombies. Malicious mischief? I’m not sure what that means in Ms. Billings’ case, but as Tallahassee taught us in Zombieland, the apocalypse is stressful. And sometimes you just have to break stuff with a baseball bat to let off some steam and enjoy the little things.

Ya’ll ever played the board game “Dead of Winter?” Follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek