Automated robo-priest is scamming Oklahomans…

Grandma always said that God works in mysterious ways. Out of orange sherbet push pops? That’s God’s way of saying you’ve had enough sweets for the day. Lose your favorite toy? Well that’s just God’s way of saying be grateful for what you do have. Did you fall off the coffee table while pretending it’s a stage and dancing to Hillary Duff’s latest music video? That’s God’s way of telling you to quit being a dumb-ass. But grandma also always said that God works through others. And I guess this time God decided to speak through an automated cold caller scamming Okies in the name of Jesus.


OKLAHOMA CITY – Kelsey Hill was suspicious, but not shocked about an unsolicited robo dialer on her cell phone.

The recording said, “Hello this is St Mary’s Prayer Center Ministry calling today to see if you need urgent prayer.”

Kelsey says she was thinking, “‘Do I know a St. Marys?’ ‘Why are they calling me?’”

Well, these prayers from above are actually coming from quite far away. This is not a local ministry, and by the way, blessings like this don’t come cheap. They are selling prayers, and asking for your “seed” money.

The voice on the end of the line hawking God’s favor is Yakim Manasseh Jordan of Manasseh Jordan ministries. He’s a cold caller from a religious organization out of New York. The self-proclaimed prophet talks a big game, and claims he can raise the dead, and heal the sick.

If you have ever bought a new or used car from David Stanley Chrysler Jeep Dodge or been talked into letting the kids get dessert after the waitress at Olive Garden brought out the dusty, plastic fake dessert tray, you know that salespeople have a bunch of sketchy tricks to convince you to spend money. But man, claiming you can raise the dead is one hell of a pitch. According to the article, the robo priest claims that by giving him “seed” money, he can use his magic Jesus powers to not only revive your dead, racist uncle. But also make you rich.

Recordings of Jordan’s robocalls are on the internet. He’s been pestering Oklahomans for years. He was sued by more than a dozen people across country for harassment in federal court…

“Many times these evangelists like to equate fiduciary success with faith, or this whole concept if you pray the right prayer or even for them,” Rev. Alsay added. “What’s more important, send me a seed faithed gift, then you can be assured of prosperity and that’s not the way it is.”

Churches across the metro would be happy to put you on a prayer chain without paying. I should know, because according to my grandma I was put on at least 2 local prayer chains when I was “living in sin” before marriage. And as your friendly local craigslist minister, I can’t guarantee that sending me money in exchange for prayers would increase your wealth and prosperity. But it might not hurt to try.

Just kidding. Follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek

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5 Responses

  1. It’s shit like this, that I don’t think should be illegal. If you’re dumb enough to hand over your money, then maybe you shouldn’t have it.

    1. Republican, right? THAT shit should be illegal. All the folks with mental disabilities and Alzheimer’s and such should just die, I suppose. Survival of the fittest, eh?

  2. So this is a “scam” if you do it via robo-call but it’s just fine if you do it on a TV show or in a church or in a tent?

    1. Sadly, that is correct.

      Robocalling is illegal, but making the same nonsensical claims in TV ads, infomercials, or in a tent… is not.

      Making provably false claims about a product you are selling MIGHT get you in trouble with the Federal Trade Commission. But spewing of nonsense, especially religious nonsense, is protected by the First Amendment.

      Besides, proving silly religious nonsense to be false is notoriously difficult. You can’t prove a negative. Can you prove that this huckster has NOT raised anyone from the dead?

      1. Not with that little information. If I had a specific date, place and time this alleged dead person was reanimated then probably yeah.

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