Weekend News Recap

We just passed another pagan holiday, the kind where we are celebrating Jesus by acknowledging the full moon and rabbits and eggs and all those symbols of fertility that have absolutely nothing to do with the bible. Give me those Cadbury peanut butter and chocolate eggs and the afternoon off work and we’re good. Bring up the resurrection, however, and there might be a discussion.

How Much Meth Can You Buy With Cemetery Fence Money?

We’re used to junkies robbing everything, like stripping copper out of streetlights and anything else that can be sold to the scrap dealers who buy everything. I’m making a huge ALLEGEDLY leap here, but why else would somebody steal a cemetery gate unless they were either trying to buy meth or build a sick stage for a Pantera cover band?

The Snakes Are Back In Town

Snakey-boys are good for the ecosystem. They eat bugs and rats and all the other critters we don’t wanna see around. We don’t wanna look at them ever because they are slivery and creepy, but snakes do all the dirty work that we avoid. Let’s give this junk drawer boy a pass.

The Nipple Church Might Be Safe?

I’m not here to tell you that churches are good, but if one church wants to save another one on the basis of not compromising the architectural integrity of OKC, we’re talkin’ baby.

The Saddest OKC Food Review

NewsOK is so hard up for original content that they posted a Twitter thread of places to dine alone in Oklahoma City as an original article. They should have just asked me for my list of places that I like to eat, since that would fulfill the criteria, but I don’t wanna blow up those spots.

Easter Meatloaf

And you thought eating a chocolate bunny was weird.

Steven’s Sports Beat

Russ is projecting for the rest of Oklahoma how we feel about the Oklahoman: a newspaper no longer owned by a Oklahoma family, printed in Dallas. What are the odds it makes it another 10 years?

It’s really weird to see the official team social media post nonsense like this, which seems to be a strike of desperation. On that note..

It was a big week for the Sooner softball team. After taking over the number one spot they swept the Longhorns in Austin extended their dominance over the Big 12. Apparently, Patty Gasso is the Geno Auriemma of college softball, but most Sooner fans already knew that.

On the topic of tertiary sports, (It’s Oklahoma folks. It goes #1: college football, #2: Thunder basketball, #3: college basketball depending on how the Thunder are doing, #10: all other sports.) the OU gymnastics team is the best in the nation, again. I am not sure what was more surprising. The OU men did not win their 5th straight title, or that there are 67 teams that compete in the D1 gymnastics arena.(-Steven)