Attorney Hand-Delivers Poop-Stained Check To OK Bar Association…

Unless they’re a friend or represented us in court, I’d say that most attorneys are awful, shitty people. I guess that explains why so many of them religiously read this website, and why others like local criminal defense attorney Mark Bailey (pictured above) use shit-stained checks to pay refunds to the Oklahoma Bar Association.

Via KFOR.com:

The Oklahoma Bar Association filing a complaint against attorney Mark Bailey…

According to the complaint, Bailey was bringing a refund check to O.B.A. for a previous client.

The complaint said, when Bailey took the check to O.B.A., he insisted it was given directly to a General Counsel staff member.

When the check was delivered, the complaint said the check had a “pinched indentation and there was a brown, damp smear across its front.”

The complaint said test results confirmed the substance on the check was fecal matter.

First of all, that sounds painful. Did he use a regular check to wipe his ass and pay the fine, or simply go with a soft, double-quilted one? Also, did he scribble the words “Hidey Ho!” across the memo line? That would have been funny.

For what it’s worth, Bailey is denying that he wiped his ass with the check. Here’s his excuse:

Bailey was instructed to bring a new check by the end of the day.

The complaint said Bailey and his paralegal went to the office of the General Counsel. It said “Bailey denied there was anything nefarious about the check.”

His paralegal said “the checkbook had fallen between Bailey’s car seats and that the brown substance was already smeared on the check at the time she filled it in for Bailey’s signature.”

Oh, well that explains it. There was human fecal matter between Bailey’s seat cushions. Just like the puddle of urine on his dashboard, that’s totally normal and explains everything. There’s nothing to see or smell here.