Riding High: 7 Observations of a City Kid in the Cab of an F250 Pickup Truck

The older my sister and I become, the closer we get in our relationship. Maybe age has matured us or no longer living under the same roof keeps us from wanting to kill each other. Either way, I am grateful for the time we set aside to catch up and have fun. This weekend, Riley came all the way from Elk City, America in her Ford F250 diesel Lariat to join me in an adventure across the metro. So here are 7 observations I made as a passenger in a Ford F250…

Oklahoma City is not made for big pickups

From the McDonald’s drive thru to street parking downtown, almost nothing in Oklahoma City seems to have been designed with big pickups in mind. So you’d think that would have led my sister to take me up on my offer to drive us around for the weekend in my Ford Escape. But it turns out, half the joy of owning a pickup is the adrenaline rush of being 4 inches short of an insurance claim each time you park. Which leads me to my next point…

Pickup drivers have a lot to prove

I understand that if you are like my sister and have a job in the oil field that A) you often have a pickup truck and B) you are required to back that pickup truck into your parking spot so if there is an emergency everyone can exit the premises more safely. However, just because you can squeeze your F250 between two other F250s in the Zoo parking lot while driving backwards with your knee, it doesn’t mean you should. But when it comes to pickup truck owners, it doesn’t mean they won’t.

Pickup drivers are creative

To pickup drivers, curbs are merely suggestions and anything can become an entrance or a parking spot, if you truly believe in yourself.

Pickups serve multiple purposes

Unless you are an Edmond millennial living off your Oak Tree daddy’s money, typically pickups are purchased with utility in mind. I learned there are a few questions you should ask when considering which truck to buy. For example, how much can it haul with a trailer?  Is the cab comfortable? Will the truck’s mere presence instill fear and dread into the hearts of every other driver on the road? At least I assume that’s a question most pickup owners ask themselves, because…

People get offended by pickups

Because my sister’s truck is so tall, as we drove down the cold hard streets of OKC at night I guess people thought her high beams were on and flashed theirs back at her. My sister generally retaliated by flipping them off. So, I don’t know if it’s the vehicle design or owners of the trucks that make people irritated. Either way, there was probably little that Kia Rio could’ve done about it.

People get weirdly offended by women owning pickups

Men especially are quick to assume that my sister is borrowing her husband’s ride and often give her that awkward patronizing chuckle when she informs them she bought it for herself. One time my sister came to pick me up from work and my old (male) supervisor gushed over the vehicle until my sister climbed out of the driver’s side. Then suddenly he thought the truck was flawed waste of money. Look, if you’re offended by a small blonde woman owning a pickup truck, she’ll gladly hold on to your man card until you earn it back.

Rolling up in a pickup makes you feel cool

I’ve camped at music festivals out of the back of my Ford Escape enough times to know I also drive a large vehicle purchased with utility in mind. But being that I haven’t run it through a car wash since Fallin was still in office, I can’t say I take vehicles seriously enough to consider them to be a status symbol. In fact, I am often quick to poke fun at my sister and others for their ridiculous pickups. But even I have to admit there’s something about rolling up in a pickup truck that makes you feel special. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re riding higher than other vehicles. Maybe it’s the size that makes you feel like you own the road. Or maybe it’s the middle finger you’re giving the environment and tiny cars that flash their brights. Whatever the reason, there’s something empowering and cool about rolling up in a pickup truck.

Yee haw, mother heckers. Follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek