Oklahoma Aquarium dares people to swim, possibly die, with bull sharks

Let’s face it – Jenks is the ignored stepchild of Tulsa. Labeling the town as a suburb of Tulsa is sort of like pretending to let your child choose the vacation. When Trip Advisor’s number one attraction tells people to go to an aquarium, it’s not looking too promising. As it turns out though, Jenks has something to offer that most landlocked places don’t, like the opportunity to take a dip with one of the ocean’s most deadly creatures.

Via KOCO.com:

The Oklahoma Aquarium in Jenks is hosting the second annual “Dive with Bull Sharks” contest.

One diver will get to swim with the largest collection of bull sharks in the world, event organizers said.

The contest is held in association with Sharklahoma, a month-long celebration of sharks at the Oklahoma Aquarium in collaboration with the Jenks Chamber of Commerce.

I could only imagine that the event coordinators definitely didn’t think they would make it to the second run of this contest. If I’ve learned anything in my time with a casino, leave the table while you’re lucky. According to CBS, the bull shark is one of the five most dangerous, territorial sharks on the planet. Call it Sharklahoma all you want, this vicious slithery psychopaths in the water don’t fuck around.

Here’s more:

The grand finale of Sharklahoma will give one contest winner the opportunity to swim with the sharks in the world-renowned tank. The winner will wear a 20-pound, $6,000 chain mail suit and a GoPro to swim alongside scuba-certified aquarium staff, officials said.

Because nothing says everything’s fine like preparing for the Battle of Helm’s Deep.

For the sake of upfront honesty, the article states that the entrants must be 18 years or older and certified scuba divers. What a bunch of chumps. If you’re going to dangle something so provocative in front of us, make it interesting. Give us a nervous, mid-life crisis Dad with the only aquatic experience he has is binge-watching shark week.

One more thing…

Contest is valid for U.S. citizens only.

Yes, because that’s what border control agents have always been afraid of- illegal immigrants sneaking into Oklahoma to swim with sharks.

Brandon has seen Jaws enough to know better. You can follow him on Twitter @notshabbywriter and Instagram @brandonking1994.

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13 Responses

  1. “Give us a nervous, mid-life crisis Dad with the only aquatic experience he has is binge-watching shark week.”
    You just had to call me out like that didn’t you? Also, I would totally be down for this as long as “eaten by sharks in Oklahoma” was on my gravestone.

    1. I agree….you’ll be the only one that can say, “I got a shark bite in Oklahoma.”

    2. What would be left to bury? Shark shit?

  2. More roadside zoo shit.

    1. While nothing incredible, it’s clear you’ve never visited The Oklahoma Aquarium.

  3. Does this shark tank have Kevin O’Leary in it?

  4. Big deal. Shart-lahoma is everyday at WalMart.

  5. I wonder about the sizes those shark suites come in. Could be an issue.

  6. If we cbine this with Okie Noodling, we have an event to remember…

  7. Sir Shark-A-Lot there is exposing the only unprotected part of his body (face) to kiss the evil fish.

    Pass. Hard pass.

  8. Great. Now the quakenado state has a mashup with bull sharks. What’s the new image now? Put it on the tag: Bullsharklahoma – the Quakenado State. I guess it’s a step up from Bullshitlahoma….

    1. Whoa, lighten up a bit there, Francis! I’m still laughing from the “You Can’t Explore Oklahoma Because We CLO*SED All the Parks” license plates from a couple of years ago.

      Don’t kill my buzz with images of sharks that swim on the land… I mean sharks inhibiting a land-locked state.

      1. … I meant sharks INHABITING a land-locked state.

        I like mine with lettuce and tomato, etc. etc.

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