Weekend News Recap

Good Monday morning, you beautiful bastards.

No, I’m not Lucas. My name is Brandon and I will be filling in from time to time to go over what you may have missed while you were forgetting the week before. When Patrick asked me to do this, I figured it was a better plan than what I usually do on my Sunday evenings- close my day job and binge-watch Mystery Science Theater 3000 on Netflix.

So let’s see what happened:

Westbrook leaves, Oklahoma (especially Mayor Holt) mourns.

Oklahomans gathered over the weekend to grieve over Thunder’s own Russell Westbrook. No, he’s not dead but damn, you’d think you missed a funeral by the sounds of it on Twitter. Many love and continue to support the Oklahoma icon after being traded to the Houston Rockets; others aren’t emotionally recovering as well.

Someone should probably check on Mayor Holt. After 9 or more tweets and retweets about Westbrook’s departure, we’re a little concerned. Joking aside, we at TLO wish Russ the best of luck!

Stitt wants Indian casino money now that it’s “matured”

Let me get this straight- You, as a white man, are asking the Native Americans to pay more in gaming rights from their casinos? Why? Because they’ve been doing better than expected. The 15-year renewal is coming up soon; I wouldn’t expect Captain Eyebrows here to stand up to the real companies taking advantage of Oklahoma’s economy.

Judge upholds second trimester abortion ban

Yay women’s rights?

God forbid, women are allowed to make their own decisions with their bodies. If you need me, I’ll be in the comment section waiting on Pro-Life people to tell me how “wrong” I am.

Local mini horse detained by cops

Even Lil Sebastian can’t catch a break. Poor bastard was hitchhiking before being pulled over by the cops. They say he was taken home but I wouldn’t believe it. The jail system loses people all the time.

Police busy with 9-hour eventless standoffs

Speaking of ridiculous police action… To be fair- they’re looking for a murder suspect from Tulsa and proceeded with caution. Police heard a “scuffle” and were in a standoff between 11 p.m. to 8 am the next morning. The cause of the noise wasn’t the runaway- it was a dog.

The police still haven’t caught the suspect. Good thing they have a dog now.

OU officials warned about investigators, told not to narc

Being a Sooner has been rough for a while.

Instead of cooperating with state and federal law enforcement, the school’s best policy is snitches get stitches? In all fairness, OU isn’t about violence- discriminatory acts and massive employee reductions, yes. But never violence.

Pork Rinds Guy- The hero Oklahoma deserves

Not all heroes wear capes; some become local legends out of sheer dumb luck and happenstance in the 2019 Soakpocalypse. This man’s face says, “I know, I don’t know why I’m a news station celebrity either.”

Steven’s Sports Beat

This is how I imagine Sam Presti sitting in his office after listening to the local talk radio. “Oh yeah OKC. You think one win in the playoffs was bad this year? Watch this!” If he pulls this off in a few years he’ll be the toast of the town. If not it was going to eventually happen anyways due to age and player dissatisfaction so he might as well get the most bang for trade while the value is still there.

It should be OKC thanking Russ. He’s the last OG from Seattle and unlike the traitorous longwhorn who I will only refer to is . . . I just said it. Anyway this was a trade and politics and speculation aside if he asked to go or not the Thunder nation got to enjoy a huge success wave beyond those first few seasons. We saw a triple double record that was older than most of us fall and a MVP season all while he was a quiet warrior on the court. Let’s hope there’s a little class from the fans when he comes back to the PEAK.

Let’s face it folks, in the modern age of social media dumb challenges are here for the foreseeable future. At least some people can look cool for doing in the 405 so thank you OU long snapper.

 

 

He’s been a professional golfer for a whole month now. It looks like the pressure is getting to him. Hint: for those nongolfers a 64 is a phenomenal score especially for a rookie.

Brandon can typically be found chugging coffee. Follow him on Twitter @notshabbywriter and Instagram @brandonking1994.

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