Doom looms as black X is burned into Piedmont couples car…

One of the hallmarks of horror films, pirate movies and gangster flicks are the veiled threats. This art has been lackluster over the past couple of decades. In a world with such a short attention span, we want threats are direct and less subtle.

I was happy to see that some hooligans still have class in their crimes.

Via KFOR.com:

A couple came home from a five-day vacation to find a mysterious “X” scorched into the ceiling of their truck, and what caused it is a mystery.

“I’m like, good Lord! That could have burned down the truck and the house!” said Tama Gannaway.

The burns left a black soot residue across the ceiling, even the molding is melted.

“You know Zorro would mark the ‘Z,’ Gannaway said. “This looks like an ‘X’ has been burned into the car. It’s insane.”

When I first read this story, my mind immediately went to my childhood watching Muppet Treasure Island; more specifically, when Billy Bones receives the black spot.

On a serious note, I’m happy to report that the couple is safe and nothing was burned down. There, there’s your daily dose of dopamine.

At first I thought, this is the beginning of a murder mystery if I’ve ever seen one. Think about it: a couple in Piedmont are marked by the black X. Only given their wits and resources, they have to give into the demands of a maniac or someone will get hurt. And while my mind was spiraling at the thought that Oklahoma could be involved in something so inherently cool, we learned the truth.

Here’s more:

“The only thing he could find was the water bottle in the seat and sunglasses,” Gannaway said.

Then she saw articles online about water bottles starting fires in cars in other parts of the country.

“I thought, ‘Oh my gosh, this is probably what caused it,'” she said.

She posted photos online as a warning to others and the post was quickly shared dozens of times.

Oklahoma City Fire Battalion Chief Benny Fulkerson ran a test for News 4 using a water bottle and an old couch cushion.

Are you shitting me? Now we have to add water bottles as potential threats?

As it turns out, the water in the bottle can be used as a magnifying glass when in direct sunlight.

The moral of the story: stay indoors and don’t drink water in your car. Summer isn’t worth dying for.

Brandon was never cool enough to get summoned by the dark mark. Follow him on Twitter @notshabbywriter and Instagram @brandonking1994.