Jesus Christ returns to Bethany. Now faces several felony charges.

“Jesus will return! When the time comes, let us pray that we will be ready for his embrace,” a plump preacher rings red from the podium. While the congregation prays, others daydream. This is one of the secular memories I have from the sporadic childhood visits to church. What would it be like if Jesus came to the modern times? Would it be a humbling experience? Could it cause more questions to arise about our existence?

Out of all the questions I had as a child, one was finally answered earlier this month. As it turns out, Jesus has been here in Oklahoma for a while.


A man who claimed to be Jesus Christ now faces several felony charges after plowing his car into a busy Bethany street corner.

Police say the driver was high on drugs and had a revoked license.

Back on July 11, an SUV was flying down Northwest 39th street in Bethany, even hitting triple-digit speeds before flipping several times.

The crash uprooted trees and took out a light pole just across the street from the Southern Nazarene University campus.

“It was crazy,” witness John Metcalf said.

This week, felony charges seal the fate of the man behind the wheel: Anthony Wallace.

That may be crazy, but at least something interesting finally happened on the SNU campus!

Actually, I guess it makes sense that Jesus would want to hide out in Bethany. The Baptists and Nazarene churches in that town compete for every corner like Walgreens and CVS, while the smaller non-denominational churches with a .TV in their name populate the area like a dollar store trying to make a quick tithing.

Here’s more:

Wallace was so uncooperative police say they were forced to tase him before he was taken to a hospital.

While being treated for his injuries, Wallace was allegedly “hallucinating,” “because very abusive” and “belligerent.”

Doctors say all of this was a dead giveaway that Wallace was on drugs.

To make matters worse, Wallace had his driver’s license revoked and the car had no insurance.

He was hallucinating under the influence of drugs? You don’t say? First of all, kudos to Bethany for not going full Edmond PD and letting the guy live. That was kind of them. Second, I guess it’s a good thing God sent Jesus to earth during the biblical times when having hallucinations empowered you to become a messiah. Now they just send you to Oklahoma County Jail. That would be an odd place to die for everyone’s sins.

Brandon would like to be the first apostle in the church of Oklahoma Jesus. Follow him on Twitter @notshabbywriter and Instagram @brandonking1994.