Hello, and welcome back to the slowest trafficked article this side of the Mississippi. Together we will journey through the happenings our economically disadvantaged asses can afford to get into on this most holiest of weekends.
How was your week? Wow! I’m so glad to hear that! Me? I had a week that was packed with action, excitement, unrealistic descriptors and over-priced tire replacements.
Anyway, we already know you’re going to Cannabis Cup (goddamn stoners). Here are some other, more wholesome, events to check out this weekend — brought to you by an author who’s approximately one Old English 42-ouncer in the bottle and way behind on the required minimum sleep amount.
Jeff Goldblum VHS Film Festival
Friday and Saturday, Aug. 23rd – 24th
Do you impulsively put a Clarendon filter on every single insta post? Do you visit Goodwill every weekend to hunt down worn denim and ironically bad paintings for your living room? Well, you’re in luck, as I believe this is right up your alley.
The beloved Paramount Room is hosting a retro as fuck weekend filled with renowned film daddy Jeff Goldblum’s movies, live podcasting and live jazz. Does this sound like a Stefon skit from SNL? Absolutely. Does it also sound kickass? 100%.
It would take dozens of paragraphs to detail the entirety of the agenda for this retro weekend, so I’ll instead list most of them in a haphazardly formatted bullet list:
- An art gallery
- A video-game tournament (watch out for violence)
- A comedy show
- Fan submitted film viewings
- Jeff Goldblum Analyses of scenes
Attendees can be certain to expect laughs, tears, beers, and, most importantly, a sense of community with your local hipsters and art critics.
Oklahoma Craft Beer Summit 2019
Saturday, Aug. 24th, 9 a.m. – 5 p.m.
Do you have more dollars than cents? Throw fiscal responsibility to the wind and join the elite beer drinkers in determining how early one can be acceptably tipsy without it being labeled a ‘problem.’
Why the hefty entry price? Well, you’re going to get sauced as hell for that price. Other than recovering and developing alcoholics alike, there will be the presence of no less than 35 locally and regionally certified brewery representatives in attendance with plenty of bubbling brews ready for the tasting.
Your liver won’t know what hit it.
Do you enjoy a little light learning mixed in with your heavy consumption? Me too, bud.
This brewfest will have informative panels from industry experts on topics ranging from hop trends and lager techniques to the impact of craft beer trends on your local economy.
Wow! Unlike what my ex-wife said, it appears that my drinking actually does have a net gain in the enrichment of my life and the lives of those around me!
Bad Jokes / Audio Book Club / stepmom at The Deli
Friday, August 23rd, 10 p.m.
Grab your faded-ass converse and let’s get weird for the second weekend in a row, with the loveable reefer-chiefers composing Bad Jokes. These boys shredded like cheddar last Friday, and I hope some of y’all got to experience what was a fantastic show of musical talent from all two of the bands you stayed to listen to. (There were three bands there in total, but one was Ska and it’s 2019…)
If you’re looking for an event where the organizers are as likely to be fashionably late as you are, this is for sure the right move for you.
As a try-hard wannabe hipster, I’ve always made a great effort to support local musicians. This is the perfect occasion to help do exactly that. All three bands will be certain to rock the fuck out of the stage and leave you thinking “Wow, all three bands rocked the fuck out of the stage!”
Frankly, events like these are very loosely thrown together and not much in the way of pricing for entry is made publicly available until you arrive. To be safe, I’d make sure to tuck a Hamilton in your pocket before leaving home. Oh, and don’t forget a doinkerooni for the parking lot before the show.