TLO Restaurant Review: Cattlemen’s Steakhouse (Breakfast)

For nearly six months now, The Lost Ogle editor Patrick and I have been trying to find the time to score some innocuous breakfast eats together; he’s so busy with his fresh baby and I’m so busy with, you know, not dying, that it was only last week when we finally got together, heading out to the legendary Cattlemen’s Steakhouse, 1309 S. Agnew.

We met up with the surprisingly sensual Brandon of Patricia’s Gift Shop fame. Almost immediately, I inquisitively launched into a line of questioning designed to learn more about the fabled crossroads where fun and fantasy meet and, if possible, can he draw me a detailed map to get there. As he was about to honestly answer, our waitress came to the table, causing me to realize I never even looked at the menu.

Patrick and Brandon knew what they were getting before they walked in—the Breakfast Steak and Eggs and the Breakfast Chicken Fried Steak, respectively. Being at Cattlemen’s, I nodded in my boss’s general direction and ordered the Steak and Eggs (market price, which today was $10.50) as well, along with a helping of Cow Brains and Eggs ($5.50) with a side of a couple of tortillas instead of hash browns, to round out the morning.

As Patrick surprisingly complimented me, telling me that over the past year I’ve gone from looking like an “old” Ron Jeremy to resembling a “young” Ron Jeremy, plate after plate of hot breakfast items came to the table, with each side served on seemingly its own dish. After moving the condiments and such around on the table to make it all fit, we hungrily dug into our hearty morning meals.

The Breakfast Steak and Eggs is a classic affair at Cattlemen’s, with a smallish hunk of pure beefsteak, cooked rare enough to my liking; it was a beautifully bloody treat in the dawning sun, with enough pepper and seasonings sprinkled on top to not overpower the companion home fries, which were loaded with peppers and onions off to the side.

Additionally, I highly recommend one of their delightfully thick biscuits over the typically staid piece of toast; when combined with the warm gravy, it became an old-fashioned treat. If I have one regret, however, it was missing out on the buttery grits which, ordered at the table next to me by an elderly gent, looked dangerously intoxicating.

As for my Brains and Eggs, while this variation was more western-style than the Mexican-estilo that I’m far more used to, still, with the fluffy gray matter mixing with the tenderly scrambled eggs, a large spoonful on the tortilla with a dash of picante and it became a workable workingman’s meal, one that I have to wonder how often is ordered at Cattlemen’s.

As we sat there, conversing about area adult bookstores and the sleazy like, the waitress—ever the pitchwoman—managed to talk Patrick into one of Cattlemen’s popular Cinnamon Rolls ($3.50), an enlarged confection that she called the “best around.”

While Brandon said it wasn’t as good as his wife’s homemade Cinnamon Rolls—I’ll need one to double-check, please—it still was a darn good breakfast dessert that we three wannabe cattlemen mutually agreed on as our forks erotically tore it apart later by layer, the hot frosting dripping all over our chins and chests. Cómpralo ya!

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