“Francis P. Turkelson” kidnapped by turkey thieves

Pets are one of the main sources of our happiness. They’re much like humans expect they don’t suck. Hell, it’s one of the highlights of my day to come home and see my dog lying in her bed comfortable. But I know what it feels like to come home to find that your animal friend is gone. This is why I empathize with Julie Bridges and her unique pet with a fanciful name.

Via KFOR.com:

Julie Bridges cares for animals daily at a local vet clinic, but even she can admit that her pet is different.

Francis P. Turkelson is his name.

Francis loves snuggles, selfies, car rides, and even just relaxing with his best friend while she has a beer.

“He’s basically as loving and as personable as a dog,” Bridges said.

It’s a life he grew accustomed to after Bridges gave him a second chance.

“He was being sold to be butchered by yourself as Thanksgiving dinner,” she recalled.

First off, don’t assume I’m going to be the one butchering a turkey for Thanksgiving. I can barely handle a fork and a knife, much less a turkey.

The name, Francis P. Turkelson, deserves an award. It sounds like a side character from the board game Clue. Normally, I think of turkeys as nothing more than over-sized chickens from a burn unit; however, Ms. Bridges has swayed me.

Seriously, who the hell wouldn’t want to drink with a turkey? Imagine Francis at a park or on a cross-country road trip! I imagine Thanksgiving has to be awkward for Francis…

But this story has recently taken a turn for the worse; something I hope will turn around soon.

Here’s more:

When she started talking to her neighbors, she found out he went on a turkey trot to the neighbor’s place. They own an auction house.

“And he was making friends with some children,” Bridges said.

But at the end of the day, witnesses say a man caught Francis and took the bird for his own.

Bridges and the Guy Rose Auction Service took to Facebook where they found many helpful folks, eager to get Francis home.

“I know that he’s just a turkey to everyone else, but to me, he’s a loving member of my family and I would just like to have him back home with us,” said Bridges.

What heartless bastard takes someone else’s turkey? Especially one as elegant and poised as Francis P. Turkelson? This may very well be the Oklahoma mystery of the century. I’m calling all Ogle Moles and wannabe sleuths to help bring Francis home. It shouldn’t be hard to find- it’s the suspicious-looking man holding a turkey.

Brandon wants to change his name to Francis P. Turkelson. Follow him on Twitter @notshabbywriter and Instagram @brandonking1994.