College is a time for each student to gain a higher understanding of the world through academia and experts guiding your steps through the educational system; at least, it was at some point. Nowadays, college is an extension of high school hellbent on pile-driving people into horrendous debt.
One thing that hasn’t changed is the urge to commit debauchery. Sex, drugs, heavy drinking and senseless decisions are the forte of a college experience. Since college is a waste of time in the modern era, you might as well have fun doing it.
While you’re here, here are a few places you can let your hedonism fly free.
1. Lower/Upper levels of the Bizzell Memorial Library
What was once a place of learning is now an extravagant napping center filled with pill-poppers and hormonal, stressed students looking for a vice that won’t kill them immediately. The lower and upper levels feel much like page 2 on a Google search: rarely searched unless you’re desperate.
2. David Boren’s old office
It’s not like the university hasn’t had a history of covering up things that looks unfavorable.
3. Fred Jones Jr. Museum of Art
For a place that has a big-breasted, bronze Sphinx statue, this place is as thrilling as another OU President’s introductory letter. This doldrum of run-of-the-mill art can give anyone the inspiration to create fun madness out of the mundane.
4. KGOU studio
Let’s get back to the ole DJ days where the hosts were on a consistent level of mild inebriation. I’d love to hear Logan Laden read the local OU calendar while blitzed on cheap rum and pain killers.
5. Passion Pit on the South Oval
Rumor has it that this decorative pit on the South Oval of campus has been home to late-night hookups, binge-drinking challenges, and the occasional drug deal. It’s barely used anymore other than for basic girls taking their senior pictures; so why not restore it to its former glory as a pit of passion?
Nothing good happens here after 2am.
7. Student Financial Aid Office
If they’re going to fuck your future, you might as well get your rocks off too.