Lord Governor Stitt’s PR team pleads for desperate mansion repairs…

For what’s certainly not the last time…or the first time, our beloved governor figurehead is in a sticky situation. Thankfully, it isn’t literally sticky this time, like when Christina Fallin’s septic tank regurgitated its content across the Governor’s Mansion estate. While that specific event may not have actually transpired, it would help explain the smell…

But, back to the matter at hand.

Our dearest Governor Stitt is in a crisis that we should have fixed a long time ago. Now, after many long months, it’s time to take care of Oklahoma’s top priority. According to a local award winning news source, our governor is in a stitty situation: his government subsidized housing is inadequate. You’ve heard us enumerate the importance and affordability of this renovation months ago, back when Stitt was considering, among many other options, residing in either the Centennial House or Buckingham Palace’s OKC campus.

When first I heard of the plight our aristocracy had befallen, I knew immediate action was called for. According to former first gentleman, Wade Christensen-Fallin III, the dilapidated housing provided free of charge for our leaders was less than up-to-par.

“All the floors would leak and we’d run around with pots and pans and catch the leaks, and we’d get trash cans to catch the leaks.” stated Mr. Christensen-Fallin, shortly after crushing a Natural Light on the front porch of the decaying display of decadence off 23rd street.

Is this any way to treat those members of the upper echelon who guide and protect us from the left-wing dangers plaguing our great state?

Absolutely fucking not.

It makes me sick to think that Stitt, his wife, and his seventeen children could be residing in squalor at our hands. Just look at the filth we’ve allowed, through our great oversight, for our first family to reside in.

ImageImage result for okc governor's mansion

Thankfully, Stitt and the state legislature are fired up and ready with a brilliant and reasonable plan to make this situation go from plight to aight. The Oklahoma Legislature has already found and reserved the sum of two million dollars to help give the Stitt family the reasonable accommodations they deserve.

I know what you ignorant liberals are thinking – “$2-million dollars??? Couldn’t that be better spent helping ensure teachers aren’t forced to pay up to $750 out of pocket to provide proper supplies for their classrooms?

I also know what you ignorant realtors are thinking – “$2-million dollars??? Wouldn’t this charming house on Deerfield Drive be a better deal?”

To them I would reply: shut the fuck up and look at how neato this historic building is! Get your priorities straight, commies. After all, Oklahoma is all about heritage and not the hate that formal education systems brew. If they didn’t want to be poor, they should have found a real job.

Stitt, if you’re reading this, I whole-heartedly support you, and I am more than willing to personally contribute to this campaign for the betterment of all Oklahomans. Maybe, if we can raise the meager amount allotted by state legislature from two million to three million, we could even have another radical pool built for you. I’ll get with Patrick and see if The Lost Ogle can help create a kick-starter to ease the burden from resting on your shoulders alone.

I think I speak for all of us when I say that you deserve nothing less than the absolute best.

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23 Responses

  1. I know I’m missing something here…doesn’t he have the money to fix it up himself? When I moved into my house, it had existing problems that I had to pay to fix. Or is a house with no issues a perk of being governor? What’s the governor’s pay minus all the free handouts?

  2. Guess gov alfalfa and the rest of the rascals have figured a way to get their mitts on 2 mil of the drug settlement.
    Gotta spend that money before it gets to the people it’s supposed to help.

    1. Maybe he can ask the NRA for a donation to fix it?

    2. Considering 271 million plus is going to OSU Health division instead of the people who were actually injured thats neither here nor there. However, the Judge in the case has a conflict of interest and I am waiting to see the case get overturned. The judge’s son is apart of the OSU health program receiving half the money that belongs to the people who were injured. Another example of how Oklahoma’s government is using the sick and poor for money to benefit the elite. A catch 22, they refuse to take part in providing medical insurance to Oklahomans which include preventative services which can be directly related to chronic diseases that require pain medication. And then sue the companies for millions and take the money and give it to the rich. Meanwhile lives were ruined and the government contributed to the increase in need of Narcotic pain medications! But our Lord governor has zero experience in these areas.

      1. Slight correction – the Attorney General’s son is employed by OSU Health. Not the judge’s son. Still appears to be a conflict of interest to me.

  3. Maybe he can ask the NRA for a donation to fix it?

    1. That is not a bad idea – git er done Gov, just git er done!

  4. The old people forced to decide between canned cat food or oxycotton appreciate the pickle that supply side jesus has found himself in.

  5. The winner of the Jethro Bodine lookalike contest needs to put the touch on his buddy and idol Donny J. He can take it out of the Pentagon.

  6. Maybe Scrooge McStitt can write a second mortgage for the $2M and then when the State is late paying, because the Okla leg is so inept in allocating for regular maintenance and the State is so slow to set up new accounts and payments, then his mortgage company can foreclose on the Governor’s Mansion and he will own it outright! At that point he can pay himself for the water heater when it breaks, or have his buddy Markwayne Mullen come fix it.

  7. It seems like only yesterday (although it was 1995) that Governor Frank Keating raised almost $900,000 to spruce up the mansion that shelters our governors from the Oklahoma weather. His non-profit, hand-crafted for that purpose and funded by his rich Republican friends, was called “Friends of the Mansion.”


    And now they’re going to spend another $2 million on the joint? Damn! That building is one expensive mother to maintain! Or is it that the building’s residents treat the place like a methhead treats his crash pad?

    I’ll give Keating a bit of credit for fixing up his house with cash from his rich friends rather than from you and me. Of course the donors expected nothing in return for their generosity. Nothing at all.

    Hey – isn’t he the same Frank Keating who finally got the dome built on top of the crumbling State Capitol building? The price tag for that was a mere $20 million, mostly (but not all) from private donations. Sadly, that dome isn’t holding up any better than the building it sits upon, or any better than Keating’s improvements to the mansion.


    Is Oklahoma a great state or what?

  8. And thank you “Cornett choir “for all of those observations.

  9. Plight to aight. Brilliant!

  10. Just refinance with Gateway.

  11. I can’t believe H. Hamm would stand for his house being in such disrepair. Since he owns the residents, maybe he should pony up so they can rise above the current squalor in which they reside.

  12. I think Epic could pay for it and then they could put up a big Epic Schools sign.

  13. I think The Lost Ogle needs to find out where the Stitt family is actually living in OKC (yes, they’ve finally moved here) and show us what it looks like.

    They aren’t staying in the mansion.

    I really think the citizens have a right to know where the Governor lives. Apparently it’s top secret.

    I would also like to know where the kids are attending school now that they are in OKC.

    The school the Governor’s children attended in Tulsa had the highest percentage of immunization exemptions (25% of the student body) of any school in the entire state. Yikes!

    So if you’re kids are attending whatever school in OKC the Stitt children are now attending, you should probably make sure your own kids are up to date on their immunizations. Know what I’m sayin’.

    1. I understand they are in a house near or in the National Guard campus at NE 63rd and Kelly Ave.

  14. You guys, and gals, just never get it. The rules, statutes, constitution, policies and promises do not apply to our ruling masters. For example remember when all the rich white guy friends in the private sector were named to the cabinet and other posts and many opined they were going to do it for free or a dollar a year or some other sham because it was time for them to “give back to the state that had been so good to them”. Then, about half way through the session, a bill was passed to pay them all full time salaries even though several kept their private sector jobs. This of course created immediate conflicts of interests, as in the Tulsa banker who still runs his bank and also a major state agency that handles money which is what banks generally do too. BTW look for a loan from said bank to fix up the mansion but if it really needs two million in repairs just bulldoze the place and build a new one for that amount of money.

    But hey cut these self dealers some slack. These folks pray early, often and late asking for guidance to save our state from the shambles Mary left it in including the poor old run down Mansion. And finally, with a staff of many, including female inmates, I do not believe First Husband, let alone First Wife, ever ran around with pots, pans and trash cans to catch the rain fallin’ in the joint on Fallin. Maybe directed those who did but themselves? Not on your life.

  15. Outside of Louis’s reviews, this is the best non-Patrick content I’ve seen in TLO in a longass time. And don’t worry about his non-vax kids if yours are in public school. If they aren’t home-schooled (as the quiverful movement usually does) they are going to a private school. Or Epic, natch.

  16. Good Lord Oklahoma makes us cynical. Would it be this bad in Mississippi? Let’s face it. They’re our primary competition in the race to the cellar.

  17. That was Mary Fallin s responsability .She allowed it to happen. SHE should have charges filed against her I’m court.She should be forced to pay for ir

  18. I love the cotton-eyed Joe…BULLSTITT!

    yeah 2 million should build a much newer and nicer place. Why pay to refinish the interior of an old Buick?

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