I believe a new haircut can make or break a person’s self-esteem. Believe me, I once went in to a Supercuts asking for bangs with layered hair and walked out with an accidental mullet. I also believe a haircut can also say a lot about a person’s personality. For example, my mullet indicated I was a cheapskate who still lived in Elk City. Overall, Oklahomans say a lot about themselves by how they wear their hair. Here are the top 8 hairstyles Oklahomans love to rock.
The loose curls
Whether for college graduation, an engagement, or maternity, there’s a 97% chance that an Oklahoma woman with this hairstyle has had professional pictures of herself taken in a field while wearing a sundress and boots that she’s never had to scrape cow shit off of.
Their Facebook profile picture is usually of them sitting in the driver’s seat of their truck and looking straight into the camera while wearing sunglasses. They congregate in smaller college towns, like Weatherford or Ada, on Saturday nights just to stand outside of the bars and vape. No one has ever seen them actually go inside.
The mom bob
A Venn diagram of people with this hair style and people who have asked to speak to the manager at Whole Foods is a perfect circle. These ladies also haven’t spent a dime outside of the 1-mile radius around Classen Curve in at least 5 years. They claim to have cut their hair short because it’s “more manageable” for their busy lifestyles, but have yet to find a believable excuse for wearing Lululemon on days they aren’t going to their Barre class.
Bald with a beard
This guy can tell you anything you want to know about the Oklahoma craft beer scene. That is, as long as you only ask questions about IPAs.
Straight hair that always looks wet
This individual is the only person on this list who has ever been in a real fight. They rarely have up-to-date car insurance and are one of about 12 people left in Oklahoma who still carry cash.
This one is a given in Oklahoma, mostly because it is the most versatile haircut on the list. 19-year-old Oklahoma State University frat boys get this haircut. 53-year-old female math teachers rock this do. Hell, even hipster chicks in the Plaza district are starting to get different colored variations of the mullet. It’s about time Oklahoma stops calling mullets “a fad” and starts recognizing it as “a style.”
The natural roots
Though it can be any color combination, in Oklahoma this is typically bleach blonde hair with about a half to a full inch of sandy brown roots. In other words, they have a very loose definition of the phrase, “I’m a natural blonde.” They seem to be always posting Instagram photos of themselves at the lake, no matter what time of the year it is, and have a favorite OnCue order.
The hat hair
This guy wears the ball cap of his last affiliated oil field company with strands of hair curling their way up from under the brim. You haven’t seen him without a hat since high school, which coincidentally is probably the last time he got a professional hair cut or even washed his hair with shampoo that wasn’t a 3-in-1.
Hayley has graduated from the loose curls to hat hair. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek