OK GOP Vice Chair Has Facebook Meltdown Over Resignation Rumors…

It’s been a while since we’ve written about trust-fund-kid-turned-failed-Oklahoma-politician Mikey Turner.

Mikey first graced our site back when he was a State Rep. and — in response to the marriage equality movement sweeping the country – introduced a bill that would have banned marriage in Oklahoma. Because it would have crippled our state’s thriving marriage, divorce and religion industries, the law never made it out of committee.

Mikey then ran for the 5th Congressional Seat that opened up in 2014 when Skeletor Lankford went to the Senate. Sadly, he finished a disappointing fourth in the Republican primary behind Steve Russell, Patrice Douglass and this tool. For the most part, Mikey’s campaign was uneventful, with the only highlight being our discovery that he picks and eats his own eye boogers. Remember that?

After his poor finish in the primary, Mikey took a couple of years off to enjoy the time-honored Republican tradition of living off his family’s generational wealth, but it looks like he’s getting back into the political arena.

Earlier this year, he was elected Vice Chair of the Oklahoma GOP at the party’s convention in Moore. In this role, he will help find new right-wing political candidates, raise money and make sure the Chairman’s eyes are clear and free of any eye boogers.

So far, it doesn’t look like the gig is going very well. Last week, rumors leaked out that Turner may be resigning. He responded to rumors in the most professional and sincere way possible – by having a meltdown on Facebook:

Wow! He said someone should go fuck themselves? That’s so unprofessional! I expect a scathing rebuke from Mr. Dr. William H. P. “Treys” Savage the III on Non Doc to come up any day now.

Sadly, the strong words had a short shelf-life. A few minutes later, Mikey edited the post to share his feelings on “decorum.”

I couldn’t care less, but is it “Could Care Less” or “Couldn’t Care Less?” I guess it doesn’t matter, because 17 minutes later Mikey edited his post again:

Ah, so Sherlock has determined the rumors of his resignation are being spread by a certain two people. Also, what does he mean by, “I uphold my deals?” Is that some sort of threat? Sadly, we may never know, because five minutes later he edited that language from the post:

What’s up with the flirtatious old school semi-colon wink? Is he trying to find a date? Is the “consequence” meeting up with Mikey and other GOP leaders in a hotel off I-35? Maybe he’ll explain in the edits he made 11 minutes later:

Oh, so now he wants you to text to talk “consequences.” This is starting to sound a bit naughty. I bet his next edit will include his safe word, which I bet is, “Galimaro Sauce.”

Based on the six edits alone, and removal of the wink, I think it’s safe to say Mikey’s not interested in the concert. Also, who in the hell goes to a concert at 6 p.m. on Friday? I bet he was watching the Rock-afire Explosion perform at his nephew’s birthday party.

After all those rounds of edits, and despite being at a concert, Mikey found time to make one more round of edits:

Jesus Christ. What a meltdown. In just about 90 minutes, he goes from telling gossip-spreaders in his own party to go fuck themselves after proffering bullshit, to acting kind and thoughtful and comparing all Democrats to commies in an effort to save face. What a chode! I guess this hypocrite does care about decorum after all. I’m sure his hero would be proud.  😉


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17 Responses

  1. Dudes obviously mentally ill or at least could be on the spectrum.

    Is it cool to mock his disability?

    1. He’s obviously a fuckin asshole. Even if he has a doctor’s note.

  2. OK GOP has had giant majorities in the legislature (more than 75% in fact)—and almost a decade with the governorship, too.

    In the time, we’ve come to have some of the worst funded public schools in the country. We have among the highest rates of children living in poverty. We have one of the highest rates of folks living without health insurance. We have one of the highest rates of infant mortality—Okie babies die at literally twice the rate as babies in a few other states.

    Way to go Turner & OK GOP! Y’all must be very proud of such handiwork.

    #BottomTenState 🙁

    1. Don’t forget we lead the entire world in incarceration.

      No really. The GOP has led this race to the bottom ever since it took total control. They don’t care about the working class, they certainly don’t care about children (at least *living* children, you know, that actually emerged from the womb). They use religion as a prop (Family values! Pro-Life! Look how holy I am while I’m praying in the public square! Look how holy I am while I’m robbing you blind!). And they also use religion as a cudgel (“I believe in freedom of religion when it means I can force *my* religious beliefs on you by enshrining them as legislation against women and gay people.”). And what have we to show for it? Bottom 10. Oklahomans believe these big lies and keep voting that way and it remains sickening and disgusting.

  3. I suspect it was Pollard that started that rumor. So why do i get the feeling that in a very short time he will be arrested in a motel room with an under age male escort doing illegal drugs within a 500 ft. radius of a church or school?

  4. In all the letters to my office in one of the senate office buildings (I forget which – my you make page escorts me where I need to be after I shit myself) they spell it choad. Not chode. And I had to look it up on something called the urban dicktionary. Who’s the old fart NOW/“, 🙌🏿💩🍆

    1. I learned a new word today! My high school English teacher always repeated that we should add a new word to our vocabularies every day. As you get older, that becomes more difficult to do…

      Thank God for the Urban Dictionary.

  5. I always believe the Boren, Ananattis , Mayor Pete’s, Turpins of the world add the Biden’s etc, etc.

    1. You sure love you some Boren don’t you? It’s tough living life on the down low isn’t it?

      1. He is obsessed with Boren like someone else here is obsessed with the Clintons.

        Derangement syndrome?

        1. Did I ever mention that Bill Clinton took 27 documented trips on the “Lolita Express” with Jeffrey Epstein?

          And just for the record, Donald Trump IS NOT my idol, just the “best” choice for the job at the time – Hillary wasn’t!

  6. God, what a douche bag. This sets a new Oklahoma Standard!

  7. In memory of the too early departed Rodney King let me say “Can’t we all just get along here?” and have a little fun viewing former one term Rep but never Congressman “Mikey” Turner in a pic with The Orange One? Just wondering who told the Turner Trucker it’s cool to wear a jacket from the 50s, display a hairdo from the 60s, offer up a smile like one of the Monkeys from the 70s (the zoo not the band), wearing a purple shirt that matches nothing else in the photo, while standing next to the Assistant Used Car Manager at Bat and Mrs Bat Battison “cut it” Chevrolet Dealership just yesterday afternoon…….or any afternoon.

    Answer? It was his mother Linda Soundtrack, who had an illicit affair in the 1980s with Beetle Bailey, or was it Foreman Scotty, or maybe 3-D Danny (actually all three) that produced the little tyke who got the hair of Foreman, smile from Beetle, jacket from 3-D and purple shirt from????????? Makes you wonder if Trump was in town back then.

    Doubt it. Mostly in Vegas, or was it Reno, with Horseface.

    Hmmm. Sure didn’t know horses like to eat oranges but maybe that was the only fruit available that evening.

  8. For a political party that dominates Oklahoma in sheer numbers as well as in political power, does this twerp represent the cream of the crop…

    … or the bottom of their barrel?

    My guess is that the GOP barrel is upside down, and this guy is mistaken for cream.

    If Republicans ever ran against their actual Democratic opponents instead of against their “communist” caricatures, they would lose a lot more elections than they do. The tactic may be effective, but it attracts an inordinate number of low-information voters. Sad.

    1. I beg to differ….unquestionably there are more low information voters pulling the donkey lever!

      Really sad……for America.

      1. And I beg to differ. Please cite your sources for this “unquestionable” claim. I realize you are merely speculating, but where in the world do you come up with this? You truly have little to back this idea beyond “what you want the reality to be.” Even sadder…

  9. I bet his next edit will include his safe word, which I bet is, “Galimaro Sauce.”

    Now that’s funny! LOL Trumpers

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