5 Reasons Why Autumn In Oklahoma Is Awesome

We just had the autumnal equinox. Monday marked the time of year when days are shorter, nights are longer, and the year is dying off. It’s still probably going to feel like summer forever now because of climate change, and as long as Jim Inhofe has a freezer stocked full of snowballs from 2009, it will stay that way.

But let’s just pretend for a moment that the leaves are changing colors and we can wear jackets again, and appreciate the bounty of the season. Here are 5 reasons why fall in Oklahoma totally rules:

Sports Are Back

About the only two things I can think of that bind most of our state’s population is sports and Tex-Mex. College football is back for all the weirdos obsessed with amateur sports where kids fresh out of high school get concussions for free. NBA season returns and Thunder fans can get ready for another season of their team being almost good. MLB is entering the playoffs, which is the only exciting time for casual fans, and hockey season begins for the 8 people in Oklahoma who care.

Wayne Coyne Molts

The cycles of nature are endlessly fascinating, especially when narrated by Sir Richard Attenborough. Some creatures are so attuned to the season that they instinctually prepare for the coming winter. Every autumn, like clockwork, Wayne Coyne sheds his thick layer of glitter, goes into a vagina-shaped cocoon, and re-emerges in the spring with 5 new inflatable caterpillars to use on stage.

The Weather Is The Best

There aren’t ‘seasons’ in Oklahoma as much as there are a few days in a row where things kinda stay the same. Whether you’re a hot weather or cold weather person, we can all agree that fall is nice. It’s time to bust out all those moth-eaten sweaters and hoodies from the back of the closet and spend time in the backyard without feeling uncomfortable. There’s about 2 weeks worth of combined days in Oklahoma that have perfect weather, and most of those are in autumn or spring, but we don’t usually get tornadoes this time of year. It’s the brief respite between the swampass of summer and the frozen roads of winter.

Regular Jim Traber Is In Full Form

We mentioned above how exciting it is to have meaningful sports back into our lives. I can’t even imagine how Traber feels to have more to talk about than just baseball and trade rumors. The closest TLO analogy is like when a new legislative season begins and lawmakers start firing out spicy bills.

All The Most Fun Holidays

Summer holidays are fun in theory, but the weather is usually so humid and sweltering that it’s not worth getting out the grill and enjoying the day off outside. Fall brings cooler temperatures and more fun events. The Halloween season allows you to drive out to some little town and get lost in a corn maze, or cruise Heritage Hills and gawk at the grotesque and morbid decorations that would normally have the neighborhood association throwing a fit. Thanksgiving is morally difficult in a place that used to be Indian Territory, but if you can grit your teeth, take an edible, and avoid arguments with your family, the cornbread stuffing and deep-fried turkey can console your emotions regarding genocide.

What are your favorite parts of autumn? Or, hell, tell us what you hate about it in the comments…