In case you haven’t heard, there’s a now set of singing swings tolling for thee at Bicentenial Park near the Civic Center. They’re called the Musical Swings. Here’s how our fair city describes them:
The Swings is an interactive public art installation featuring 10 swings that each activate a different note, allowing participants to make music, connect to one another and to have a sense of ownership of public space. When used all together, the swings compose a musical piece in which certain melodies emerge only through cooperation. The concept and design were developed by Daily tous les jours – a Montreal-based interaction design studio that focuses on participation in public spaces. They have 30 other fascinating interactive art pieces spread throughout the U.S. and Canada.
I have some important questions for these Canadian folks, and it has nothing to do with bacon.
According to every article I’ve read on the topic, each swing will correspond with a different instrument. When combined, they will create beautiful melodies, but what happens when used solo? Personally, I’d hate to get caught fiddling with myself in a park after sundown trying to create a song using only B-flat. And what about that one rebellious kid in town who marches to the beat of no drum but their own? Now we’re enabling them to swing to the beat of their own drum as well.
Not okay, but it gets worse…
We’ve established through Patrick’s careful mole network, downtown spy cameras, and occasional blood sacrifices that none other than local Okie, Toby Vince Keith Brooks-Gill, has played a key role in the design and musical capability of this interactive work of art. As a resident in the vicinity, I’m not certain I want to wake up to squeaky renditions of his smash hit “I love this park” echoing into my shithole apartment.
Okay, so we’ve established that:
- These swings can perform songs
- The creators aren’t Okies, they’re Canadians
- Toby Keith was given creative license
- I don’t have a fourth fact
With these roughly four established facts, I can’t help but ask “Where does it stop?”
For all we know, these swings could be privy to many a song unseen and uncensored. After realizing this could be a possibility, I started seeking hearsay and whispers from the unwashed masses. I came away from this crusade to satiate my curiosity with a shocking rumor.
The Singing Swings, when ridden at midnight with a full moon in the sky, would put on a performance far too sacrilegious for decent consumption. They will, allegedly, perform “Rock is dead” by none other than the Antichrist superstar himself, Marilyn Manson. This song, when screeched out by the Singing Swings, begins a primordial, dark sacrament that summons a phantom image of Manson. Details on what happens after that are spotty, but it certainly doesn’t sound pleasant.
My last point I’d like to dive into is a more practical one that’s free of any and all mysticism and pagan rituals.
These Singing Swings are packing a largely undisclosed backlog of tracks, which, I can only assume, means more money being sent out to song owners. We already paid Daily tous les jours to build this mayhem fueling monolith, and now we’ll have to pay royalties on top of that? That’s where I, as a tax paying citizen, must firmly put my foot down. Enough is enough.
This concludes my assessment of the newly crafted art installation in Bicentenial Park.
Uncle Lenny writes for TLO and Happy Ogle and likely does a lot of drugs