KFOR to make morning broadcasts great again with Star-Spangled Banner

Have you been feeling less star-spangled awesome lately since parts of our government literally aren’t doing their jobs in impeaching our criminally-corrupt, racist orangutan of a president? Me too. Thankfully, this is America- land of the free, home of the people telling you how free as shit we are. Though the Fourth of July has come and gone, local news stations are coming to fill our patriot quotas back to our brainwashed, normal selves.

Via KFOR.com:

Due to a technical error, the National Anthem did not air October 1. News 4 plans to air The Star Spangled Banner before the start of every day from October 2 and beyond.

OKLAHOMA CITY – We have some exciting news about a new project at KFOR.

Each day on KFOR we will air the national anthem beginning at 3:58 a.m. This is right before our weekday newscasts.

As you know, The Star Spangled Banner was once a staple on local television stations and we are returning to that tradition.

That’s cool. While they’re at it can the add a morning prayer? And also have a man dressed as a Bison beat a big drum ? That will really fire up all the viewers.

Seriously, imagine being that one intense patriot that happens to have insomnia that October morning. “I can’t start my day like a proud ‘Merican unless I get to bump the National Anthem at full volume on my KFOR. I want to feel the freedom coursing through my veins!”

Also, does that mean that I’m not a patriot if I don’t wake up before 3:58 a.m. and salute the flag? I guess only early birds have the right to be proud Americans now.

Here’s more:

This will be a bit different because we will utilize singers from across all music genres showcasing their own unique talents on the broadcast each day.

It is part of a new partnership with KFOR’s parent company, Nexstar Media, and Broadcast Music, Inc,. and Belmont University’s Curb College of Entertainment and Music Business.

So is this like the Monster of the Week but for musicians doing their take on the National Anthem? Best case scenario- it’s a good singer…but you’re still up at 4 in the morning. You still lost.