Tulsa Police apprehend alleged “Chronic Masturbator”

On Tuesday afternoon, the Tulsa Police Department announced on its online media news portal that they arrested Stephen Olsen, an alleged “Chronic Masturbator,” for exposing himself at the city’s River Parks on Tuesday.

Here’s his mugshot:

Yikes, he’s not doing anything to dispel those old wives tales about masturbation!

Tulsa’s KTUL Channel 8 – a Sinclair-owned ABC affiliate – could hardly control themselves when the news hit, and rubbed out a quick and easy clickbait article titled “TPD: Chronic Masturbator Caught.” It was quickly picked up by many of the 193 Sinclair-owned or -operated stations across the country.

Here are the details from Chattanooga’s News Channel 9:

Tulsa police made an arrest after numerous reports of an older man exposing himself in the middle of the River Parks Trail.

Officers had been notified that the man, identified as Stephen Olsen, was seen pulling his pants down and touching himself in a sexual manner. Police worked to develop suspect information and were able to arrest Olsen on Tuesday.

Police announced the arrest in a news release with the subject: “Chronic Masturbator Caught.”

Olsen was booked into the Tulsa County Jail on two counts of indecent exposure.

I’m linking to a channel out of Tennessee, because – for some reason – the story was removed from the Channel 8 website overnight. I sent the Channel 8 news director a tweet to try to find out why. I’ll let you know if he gives a response.

In the meantime, I guess we have to give all those conservative church folk who complained about the topless crisis credit. They warned us that allowing women to go topless in public would lead us down a slippery slope of deviant desires, and just three days after Tulsa women rollerbladed through the River Parks topless, this guy is hiding in the bushes masturbating. Who cares that reports about men doing shit like this at a park seem to make the news on a daily basis, this obviously proves their point.

10/10/19 Update: 

We acquired the arrest report filed by the Tulsa Police. You can read it below: