Introducing the Oklahoma Tattoo Glory Hole

Much like Area 51, the Loch Ness Monster, and the Infinity Stone that Gary England allegedly possessed that gave him meteorological superpowers, one of the great mysteries of our era is the existence of glory holes. According to the reliable medium of pornography, they exist in every truck stop bathroom stall, a portal to anonymous, disgusting pleasure.

Although I’ve never looked, I doubt their existence with the fervency of Senator Inhofe at a climate change rally. Some radicals have taken matters into their own hands and decided to make this myth a reality:

That’s right, for the low price of $20, you’ll be able to stick a limb into a hole and… well, instead of strange sexual gratification, you’ll receive a random, permanent marking on your body. For anyone who’s why-not-curious, this is happening at the OKC Live Tattoo Expo at the Sheraton in Midwest City.

Obviously, there a few questionable things happening here:

1. Midwest City is not Oklahoma City, so calling the event the ‘OKC Live Tattoo Expo’ is quite disingenuous. As someone who grew up in MWC, I would never claim that I was from the big city.

2. $20 is not very much money to spend on a tatt, and it’s a field where you get what you pay for. I’ve got a stick n’ poke that cost $20, and while I love it, I got it in a dirty backroom next door to a restaurant and I’m lucky it didn’t get infected. We’re assuming that this is a more high-class affair, but at least I could see my artist change needles and gloves and sanitize their equipment. When the tattooist in behind a literal hole in a wall, you have no idea how sanitary anything is. I’d get five more backroom pokes before getting anonymous work where I can’t even see if the artist is wearing gloves.

3. Unless you can fit your leg in the hole, the only options must be your arms, leaving a visible and unchosen mark, or… well, other things fit into glory holes but I would hope that kind of behavior would be grounds for removal.

If you’re the kind of person impulsive enough to trust an unseen stranger to give you a horseshoe or whatever on your wrist, this is the glory hole for you. If you’re looking for the kind of release that usually requires paying a massage therapist extra, well, Del City is right down the road.