Parents and guardians, rejoice! As of Friday, a new change in Oklahoma law allows your children to enter liquor stores in our state as long as you’re with them. So no, that doesn’t mean you can send junior into the liquor store with $20 to pick up your schnapps while you wait in the car. But it does probably mean that Byron’s is going to start investing in shopping carts with the little leg holes so kids can ride comfortably and safely in the buggy while mommy and daddy stock up for the holidays! Now, liquor stores don’t have the reputation for being kid-friendly places, but that doesn’t mean junior won’t find a way to entertain ‘emself! Here are five fun activities kids can do in Oklahoma liquor stores!
1. Throw tantrums for over-priced sodas
Thanks to the new law changes that took effect last Fall, Oklahoma liquor stores have been able to sell products such as citrus fruits, corkscrews, mixers, and other non-alcoholic items that typically go with making an alcoholic beverage. Thankfully for kids, this means that many liquor stores sell overpriced, individual bottles of soda pop for which they can easily throw a tantrum!
2. See their teachers
Whether it’s because they are buying their coping mechanism for putting up with the kid’s class for 8 hours that day or because he or she has had to pick up a second job at the liquor store to make ends meet on a teacher’s salary, kids will be ecstatic to see their teachers!
3. Inadvertently cause mom or dad to buy them their first bottle of booze
After kids discover how pretty a bottle of Goldschlager looks when you spin it upside down like a top on the linoleum, parents will have to abide by the “you break, you buy it” policy and technically purchase junior’s first bottle of booze.
4. Play hide and seek behind the cardboard cutouts while grandma shops
The St. Pauli Girl cardboard advertisements are typically wide enough to hide your average crouching 6-year-old, while the standard Captain Morgan standee can cover even the tallest 10-year-old.
5. Understand their family’s relationship with alcohol
Now, this can be a positive or negative relationship. Luckily for Oklahoma kids, since they can now join their parents in the liquor store they will be able to figure out their family’s relationship with alcohol from a young age instead of waiting until their first round of therapy when they’re 30.
Ya’ll, this is satire. Now, follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek