Oklahoma gifts for your Cyber Monday shopping spree

Welcome to Cyber Monday! The most over-hyped online consumer shopping holiday of the year!

Over the weekend, we combed through the dark corners of the Internet (primarily Etsy) to find “unique” gift ideas that will make you the star of Christmas morning (or your office white elephant gift exchange.)

Check them out below.

Wayne Coyne Trumpeter Throw Pillow ($21.01)

Assuming Mr. Coyne hasn’t bought them all, you can have this ego-stroking, question-inducing pillow on your couch this holiday season. It says “I like local music but my role models are questionable.”

Oklahoma Scented Candle

The obvious question here is “What does an Oklahoma-scented candle smell like?” My first thought was a State Fair bathroom, but the artisans behind this gem went with a more pleasing “Scents of butter, cinnamon, candied pecans, and smokey caramel, with a touch of sweet maple, cinnamon and spiced clove.”

Oklahoma in one pillow ($65.00)

This overpriced art project screams love for Oklahoma. It’s as though they couldn’t decide what they loved most and decided to vomit every reference onto a pillow.

Baker “Daddy” Mayfield Ornament ($12)

Mayfield may be with the Browns nowadays; however, his recurring mustache and picturesque commercials are continuing to drive basic Oklahomans wild. Watch as sexually frustrated teens describe who “Daddy” is to their parents.

Oklahoma State Mixing Bowl

This is the perfect gift for your little brother.

Literal Oklahoma Dirt ($8.31)

Leave it to Oklahomans to tell you to eat dirt on Christmas. This pile of edible red clay can symbolize a fickle friendship, a “loving” relationship with a mother-in-law, or the ultimate middle finger.

Tornado Clap-Back T-Shirt ($19 +)

Some Okies are still wrapping their head around weed legalization. Of course, their clap-back to the devil’s lettuce is to make a classless tornado joke via crass t-shirt. It’s like anyone’s died in those things, right?

Oil Barrel Paperweight ($19.20)

In case you forgot who actually runs the state, this paperweight will infuriate the small pockets of triggered liberals. Note: no-one has needed a paperweight since offices had air conditioning. Oklahoma loves throwbacks so much that they never want seem to progress forward.

A “state” rock ($27)

The only thing more offensive than getting a rock shaped like the state flower for Christmas is the price to get it. That said, works as a great projectile through your congressperson’s window.

Map of Oklahoma mid-brushfire ($10.40+)

This topographical map of Oklahoma captures the essence of the state; mainly that it feels constantly on fire and nothing happens here. The only thing missing off this is the never-ending traffic on I-40.

“Oklahoma-shape” engagement ring ($38.40+)

Yes, you were right to look twice. This “Oklahoma-shape” ring is on sale for any idiot that doesn’t own a map. Perfect for anyone looking for a better state to live in or as a tacky ring to soon be forgotten in a jewelry box in a closet near you.