Last week, KFOR published an article that reported the top dog names given over the last decade. While the local media propaganda machine would like you to believe that Oklahomans are giving their pooches names like “Daisy” and “Oreo,” we know that Okies are a different breed of owner. So, here are the actual top 7 names Oklahomans like to give their dogs!
Boomer
Boomer has clocked more boat hours on the lake in one season than most Navy Admirals do in their entire careers. Boomer’s pet parent goes by two first names, like Billy Don or Bobbie Jo, and somehow got access to “medical marijuana” within hours of it becoming legalized in Oklahoma last year.
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Bear
Bear has his own Instagram, curated by his pet parent who seems to want to make you believe that it’s always Bear’s idea to get margaritas from Fuzzy’s on taco Tuesday.
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Thunder
Thunder is a rescue mutt whose original name was something generic like, “Maxx” or “Spot.” His owner rescued him in June of 2012 and now regrets the dog’s new name, not because of the Thunder’s performance as of late. But because he can’t call for his pet at Bleu Garten without 15 other dogs responding.
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Little Anne
“Little Anne” is an elderly bloodhound owned by an even more elderly high school English teacher who takes pride in teaching the Oklahoma-set novel Where the Red Fern Grows and joy in making the senior boys in class cry when **spoiler alert** Big Dan dies in the story.
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Remington
Remington is a full-blood something or another owned by someone who works in the oil field. The dog’s owner usually has more money than sense, being that these expensive, purebred dogs are typically the most untrained, unruly ones on the list.
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Duke
Duke is a heeler-mix whose diet consists primarily of table scraps fed to him in an old tin pie pan on the front porch. His owner is a rural Oklahoma farmer who wears suspenders only for utility and spends his free time watching the same 6 classic western movies on VHS.
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Chloe
This dog can typically fit in a purse. The North Edmond folk who believe their dog is dignified enough to have a human name like, “Chloe” are the same type of people who have human children with names like Braighleighanne and Axle.
Hayley has two cats. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek
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