Welcome back to our retrospective of another year in Oklahoma, as told through the lens of your favorite local obscure social blog, The Lost Ogle! Before we jump into the futuristic and dystopian year that 2020 will most assuredly turn out to be, let’s take a deep breathe and remember our funniest, wildest, and most popular stories of this year. The news cycle is moving so fast that it’s impossible to remember what happened last week, let alone last month.
Let’s get to it!
Published: June 20, 2019
What We Said: Hunting and fishing memorabilia decorate the off-white walls, the smell of raw meat and fresh spices clinging to the air. A row of cold cases line the front of the building, filled with said hot links and other assorted varieties of dark-skinned sausage, as well as many other cuts of butchered meat for the masses.
What We Learned: If you come across an old joint offering hot links and pickled eggs, it’s worth the detour.
Published: June 19, 2019
What We Said: To celebrate the launch of President Trump’s 2020 re-election terror campaign, the Oklahoma Republican Party unveiled a new statue of our kind, loving and respectful leader being impersonated by Alec Baldwin.
What We Learned: It doesn’t matter how far you stray away from ‘family values’ and all the other things that Republicans claim to espouse, the fealty alone will allow the party to create horrendous statues of even the worst elected officials.
Published: June 11, 2019
What We Said: Oh grow up, Parks and Rec officials. The state was literally turning into a landlocked Atlantis and you want to be sticklers about this? And since you’re pro free speech, you probably wouldn’t have a problem with me pointing out that your shortened name is D. Kupper. Makes sense; only a big boob would get so bent out of shape about something like this.
What We Learned: The Parks & Recs officials don’t like to have fun, but that doesn’t mean their employees have to sit through extreme weather without entertaining us.
Published: June 20, 2019
What We Said: Now I ain’t no medical doctor and could be wrong, but it seems like Dr. Crane is as good at protecting personal medical information as he is insulting people on the internet. Come on, calling people “stupid” and “moron” behind the keyboard is the kind of stuff an 8th grade bully like Patrick says. Take some guidance from some of our favorite internet commenters and spice it up a little with some sarcasm or word play.
What We Learned: Chiropractors are shams, Yelp reviews are for chumps, and never ever ever read or reply to the comments.
Published: June 17, 2019
What We Said: Sunscreen? Check. Water-resistant Ziplock baggie for your phone, keys and wallet? Check. Four peanut butter and jelly sammiches? Check. Because you know for damn sure you’re not spending money on the waterpark’s overpriced food. Not today, Satan.
What We Learned: Water parks are a maze of abandoned bandages and open sores and sunburns. Just find a friend who used to live in an apartment with a pool and do that instead.