Top 15 Derplahoman Politicians of the 2010’s…

Back in 2013, a new, glorious word appeared on The Lost Ogle for the very first time: Derplahoman.

Although the word doesn’t have a true definition, this is how Patrick described it way back then:

You know who Derplahomans are. They’re those ignorant people who think Obama is Muslim communist dictator, want prayer (and guns) allowed in public schools, and think gay people are the biggest threat to the country. They live around you, work around you, and vote for all the bat-shit crazies that run this state.

Wow. Who would have thought way back then that a person with Derplahoman values would be elected president in 2016! What a great world we leave in today!

As you know, the word Derplahoman stuck around here like an Oklahoma lawmaker at a strip club. As we near the end of the decade, and get all reflective on life, journeys and feeling blessed, we thought it would be fun to take a look back at some of the great Derplahoman leaders we’ve covered on this site over the past 10 years. Did your favorite one make the cut?

Check out the list below:

#15 Paul Scott

State Senator Paul Scott is known for authoring bills to eliminate healthcare for low income Oklahoma women, finding sexual assault memes entertaining, and apparently making up fake news to appear patriotic as f*ck to his constituents. He is also known for getting wildly offended at TLO articles, which puts the icing on the Derplahoman cake. All that being said, our favorite thing about Paul Scott is that he’s a smart businessman, and created an x-ray company that enters into contracts with the state while serving as a lawmaker. All Derplahomans like a good conflict of interest.

#14 Josh Breechen

In the years 2011 through 2016, former State Senator Josh Breechen introduced bills that would allow Oklahoma science teachers to refrain from teaching actual science. In 2017 he took a break from trying to make the Oklahoma public education system even worse than it already was and wrote Senate Bill 694, which attempted to ban Oklahoma cities from implementing non-discrimination laws that aim to protect members of the LGBTQIA+ community. In other news, his motivational speaking website is still up for us all to enjoy. You’re welcome.

#13 Tess Teague

Former State Representative Tess Teague is known for her ridiculously not-so-private “private” snapchats being leaked. She made this list because the only thing better than a Derplahoman lawmaker complaining about “paid protestors” at the state capital is aDerplahoman lawmaker complaining about “paid protestors” at the state capital while using a cheetah snapchat filter.

#12 Dan Fisher

Former State Representative Dan Fisher is known for wanting to stop the teaching AP History courses in Oklahoma while being the founding member of an organization that seems hell-bent on creating it’s own “history” of an America founded on Christian ideology. Maybe if he would’ve taken the AP course he was looking to abolish, he wouldn’t have made this list of Derplahomans after all.

#11 Randy Brogdon

Randy Brogdon is a former state senator, gubernatorial candidate and GOP Chair in our state who is known for believing alleged domestic violence perpetrators can still be fine young men and that using racist metaphors doesn’t make you racist. Though he may not have won his race for governor in 2010, he hasn’t lost his place on our list of Derplahoman lawmakers.

#10 Carol Hefner

As a try-hard socialite turned failed politician, Carol Hefner may not seem like she belongs on the list of Derplahoman lawmakers. But take a gander at her racist, bigoted Facebook posts and you’ll see that she fits right in after all.

#9 Justin Humphrey

In 2017 State Representative Justin Humphrey was hailed for reminding us that women are merely “hosts” to unborn parasites children. Also according to his failed HB 1441, though it is apparently solely the woman’s fault she accidentally got pregnant, Humphrey believed the father of the unborn needed to consent to any abortion. His host must be so proud of the good work he did for Oklahoma.

#8 Joseph Silk

State Senator Joseph Silk has spent much of his time in office warning Oklahomans about the dangers of abortion, the LBGTQIA+ community, and daylight savings time. He’s like Paul Revere, but with a membership to the Rush Limbaugh fan club.

#7 Nathan Dahm

One of the most loyal and stringent Derplahoman gun nuts at the capital, this guy has such warped views that he’s essentially been excommunicated from the Oklahoma Senate. He has a parking pass and gets to vote on laws (probably “no” unless it’s unconstitutional) and that’s about it.

#6 Markwayne McMullin

US Representative and former MMA fighter Markwayne Mullin is a wild card in Oklahoma politics. In 2017 Markwayne informed his constituents that he didn’t know how taxes worked when he told a crowd that he pays his own congressional salary. In 2018 he ignorantly referred to the Trail of Tears as a “volunteer walk.” Being that he retracted his promise to only serve three terms in office by running for a fourth, he’ll probably be on the next decade’s Derplahoman lawmaker list as well.

#5 John Bennett

Patrick said it best, when he noted that former State Representative John Bennett is “a racist, Islamophobic, derplahoman tool head.” In 2015 Bennett apparently suggested a veteran become a suicide bomber when he disagreed with him, in 2016 sponsored a hella Islamaphobic “study” to cut the “cancer”  of Islam out of Oklahoma, and in 2017 advocated spanking children more to help teachers out in the classroom. Thank God Oklahoma finally cut the “cancer” of John Bennett out of Oklahoma politics.

#4 Sally Kern

Although she made earned most of her Derplahoman stripes last decade, Sally Kern will always go down as as one of the most bigoted and backwards lawmakers to wreak havoc on the Oklahoma people. Thank God her anti-obscenity bill didn’t pass, so we still have the ability to wish her a merry “f*ck you” if we want to.

#3 Mary Fallin

Is Mary Fallin a true Derplahoman? We’re going to guess “yes.” Although this blurb alone could link to about 5,000 different TLO articles, so we’ll just link to this article about her Top 10 Accomplishments as Oklahoma Governor.

#2 Ralph Shortey

It was a no-brainer for former State Senator Ralph Shortey to make this decade’s short list. Shortey first made headlines on TLO in 2012 when he admitted to beating an attacking turkey to death with a club because he forgot his gun at home. He then appeared on the Daily Show in, talking about people beating themselves off. Later, he was found to be beaten at his own “family values” bullshit game when he was arrested in a hotel room with an underage prostitute. Shortey had a lot of competition to beat, but he earned his number 2 spot.

#1 Jim Inhofe

From using snowballs to prove global warming doesn’t exist and slaughtering pigeons because he probably can’t hunt, to using cheeseburgers to protest the Green New Deal and being “proud” of not (knowingly) having any homosexual relatives, our esteemed Senator Jim Inhofe has put in a lot of work to make it to the #1 spot on this decade’s list of Derplahoman lawmakers. Come on, who else has given us approximately 30,138 reasons to call them an idiot?

Who did Hayley miss? Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek

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6 Responses

  1. In case anyone has forgotten, that underage prostitute with whom Ralph Shortey was caught was male.

    We can’t blame Mr. Shortey for being gay, because we know that he didn’t choose that orientation. But we can blame him for over-the-top hypocrisy – promoting “Christian family values” bullshit while having homosexual relations. And with underage boys!

    Shortey was wearing a T-shirt when arrested with the boy that referenced a bible verse about wives submitting to their husbands, and the caption “Now go make me a sandwich.” Inspiring, eh?

  2. Markwayne Mullin is as derpy as ever. Maybe more so.

    His latest #mullinpoints email quotes “a scripture I have been reading.”

    It is 1 Peter 2:13-17 NLT, which begins with “For the Lord’s sake, submit to all human authority” and ends with “Fear God, and respect the king.”

    We know that no congresscritter is more opposed to the Trump impeachment than is Mullin, but I hadn’t realized that God Himself counsels us to respect and submit to crazed tyrants – even one as crazed and tyrannical as King George III.

    It’s a darn good thing that Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, and most of our other Founding Fathers weren’t particularly biblical. If the USA had actually been founded as a Christian nation, we wouldn’t have been founded at all!

  3. If you’re going to dis someone, at least get his name right. It’s Brecheen, not Breechen. He’s still a derp but at least he’s our derp.

  4. Some one said that sunlight is the best sanitizer (or something like that). Thanks to the Lost Ogle for exposing these lawmakers.

  5. Lest we forget: Sin. Paul Scott also launched an attack on the appearance of the husband of a woman who dared to criticize his eminence.

    Oh, yeah. He’s also the one who sabotaged the chair of a woman senator so that she crashed to the chamber floor when she sat down.

    Come on, Teresa. Tell us what a fine Christian man he is.

  6. It is not fair of TLO to limit this contest to just fifteen. So many worthy goofballs will not get the recognition they deserve. Several that are complete nut jobs are aching for the ink. Rep Tadlock for example. And a late but deserving politician is of course our Governor Stitt who is trying very hard to mess up something that has worked very well for the last fifteen years………the compact with 35 tribes. Now he is blowing money on an out of state law firm which is similar to the waste of tax dollars led by former OU regent Clay Bennett in investigating David Boren…..millions in that case.

    However Patrick may be trying to limit exposure via lawsuits but why? The publicity gained from it would exceed the value of TLO right? If I’m wrong about that just………..sue me!

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