Oklahoma Lawmaker Wages War Against Fake Milk

Growing up in rural Oklahoma, I loved spending weekends with my grandparents on their dairy farm. Though I cherish the time I spent hanging out in the milk barn or riding the four-wheeler to check cattle, I know it was not an easy job for grandma and grandpa. But it wasn’t the manual labor, droughts, or the economy that made life difficult. As State Rep Jim Grego knows, dairy farmers in Oklahoma have a much greater threat to their livelihoods.

Via The Hill…

A GOP state lawmaker in Oklahoma has introduced legislation that aims to crack down on plant-based milk alternatives being labeled as milk.

House Bill 2994, which was authored by state Rep. Jim Grego (R), says that items labeled as “Grade A milk and milk products” must be derived from hoofed mammals like cows and goats.

“A person shall not state on a label of a food product that the product is milk unless the product meets the definition of milk” established in the measure, the bill goes on to state.

The bill also stipulates that, if passed, the state’s Board of Agriculture would be required to “establish and implement a plan to enforce the prohibition” of products labelled milk that don’t fit the requirements outlined, including plant-based products it says are “mislabeled as milk.”

Part of me understands where Grego is coming from. I am aware that the definition of milk is, “an opaque white fluid rich in fat and protein, secreted by female mammals.” I am also skeptical of the existence of almond titties. Plus, it’s not like he is flat-out banning the sale of plant-based milk alternatives, right?

The measure calls for a “ban on all products that do not meet the requirements of subsection B of this section, including plant-based products mislabeled as milk.”

Grego said in an interview with local newspaper the Duncan Banner earlier this week that bill is designed to help dairy farmers in the state.

I can actually get behind the idea of banning plant-based milk in Oklahoma, but only because I want to watch the Live PD episode when the Tulsa PD cracks down on a gang of Soy Boys in cardigan sweaters peddling Silk and on the street corner.

“Run, Daniel! Law enforcement officers are here!”

“They’ll never catch me. I’ll meet you at Akin’s in one hour!”

Here’s more:

He added that products like coconut milk and soy milk would still be able to be sold in the state, but they just wouldn’t be called milk. The lawmaker suggested manufacturers could instead label the items as “extract.”

“The products will still be out there,” he told the local publication. “I don’t see them going away, but they won’t be called milk. I don’t see a single product going away.”

If passed, the bill is scheduled to take effect at the beginning of November.

Yes, mislabeling plant-based “extracts” as milk will only mislead and hurt consumers and dairy farmers, alike. While we’re at it, we might as well work towards renaming many other common misnomers. For example, instead of referring to tofu as a protein, let’s call it an “organic curd compound.” And instead of referring to Grego’s bill as an attempt to help Oklahoma dairy farmers, let’s call it, “a time-wasting, bullshit political maneuver that suggests Grego is more worried about rallying constituents than actually helping them.”

Hayley is a vegan now. Her grandma has no problem making her mashed taters with almond milk. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek

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25 Responses

  1. Another great article!

  2. The FDA has already been looking at this issue for a nation wide law, but it’s hung up in challenges that it violates the First Amendment.

    Funny, it’s been at least a year since I giggled along with Rick and Brad about “nut juice” being the law, and as usual Oklahoma is over a year behind the rest of the country.

    Read a newspaper once in awhile, Jim Grego! Geez.

    1. You still listen to Rick and Brad and you laughed. That’s the strange part.

  3. Then we run into a precedence such as coconut milk, which has been thusly named since before Oklahoma, the FDA or the U.S. of A. came into existence.

  4. Does magnesia have hooves?

    1. I just spit out my milk.

    2. Or human kindness?

  5. He could move from this to the great tomato debate: scientifically a fruit, but judicially a vegetable. Oops, I forgot. Republicans don’t believe in science — well, except finding and exploiting fossil fuels.

    1. corn also…. it is not a vegetable it is a cereal😄

  6. (2): A food product from seeds or fruit that resembles and is used similarly to cow’s milk

  7. Maybe they can call almond extract: “I can’t believe it’s not milk!”.

    Thanks to the dairy lobby Wisconsin used to have laws that banned the sale of yellow margarine (or oleo as my mother used to call it). If you bought oleo you had to add the yellow color that was sold with it yourself.

  8. In November Dean Foods, the nation’s largest U.S. milk producer filed for bankruptcy. Earlier this month Borden Dairy did the same. The public is drinking less milk, prices are down and these companies, like some banks in 2008 are the ones that are “too big to fail.”

    This is just another ill advised attempt by an Oklahoma elected official to in their mind “save the industry”. Rep. Grego was probably hoping for this to sail through the house, to show he “stands for the farmer.”

    As usual another grandstanding attempt, as the problem isn’t people are drinking Soy milk or other non dairy milk because they are being tricked into thinking it is cow’s milk. It’s not like the word milk is a registered trademark of some sort, and could be protected with a Bill such as this.

    This is just another one of many stupid Legislation that will be proposed by the educationally and/or morally challenged elected officials that run the state. I do wonder if this is one of the boilerplate Bills that will show up in other states, or if this was something Rep. Jethro and taxpayer paid staff came up with on his own.

    1. +1000!

    2. It has to be boiler plate. This rube couldn’t come up with a bill if bit him in the rear end.

  9. Has anyone, ever, bought the plant-based white stuff believing that it came from cows? Of course not.

    Will removing the word “milk” from their cartons (as Silk seems to have already done) increase the sale of mammary gland excretions? No. Not a chance.

    Grego’s stupid bill has made the national news, giving the world still another reason to laugh at Oklahoma – and at voters stupid enough to elect a guy like Grego to represent them.

    Those voters may be stupid, but not stupid enough to buy almond or soy “milk” when they really wanted the stuff that comes from cows.


  10. Back to silly season in OK. Let’s get those unconstitutional, uninformed, downright stupid bills out there for the constituents to lap up. Exactly how this law would get past interstate commerce hurdles baffles me. If it actually passed they could get Scotty Pruitt back on the case to waste a few more million state dollars on appeal.

    OH, and MAGA license plates (the phoney baloney wrapper is raising money for veteran groups). I’m in favor of veteran groups but putting MORANS ARE GOVERNING AMERICA on the plates is patently partisan politics. http://tinyurl.com/vfhvl6l

    *MORANS – https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/get-a-brain-morans

    Rumored that the Republican leadership passed out “I’M WITH STUPID” t-shirts to party followers. In response; the Democrats [ republican-lite] passed out “WHERE NOT AS BATSHIT INSANE” shirts.

    PS – I know it’s “WE’RE” but you have to follow the TLO style guide.

  11. I use coconut “milk” because it has a much lower sodium content than other kinds. But I gotta tell ya’, milking those coconuts is not as easy as you’d think.

    1. Udder nonsense.

  12. It has to be boiler plate. This rube couldn’t come up with a bill if bit him in the rear end.

  13. This kind of thing is in existence all over the world. Sparkling wine cannot be called champagne (or Prosecco) unless it came from a certain region of France (or Italy), bleu/blue cheese can’t be called Roquefort unless it comes from a certain region of France, all kinds of things can’t be called specific names unless it meets certain criteria. I believe this is already a law in Wisconsin or one of the New England states, so it’s not really that big a deal. People should be more concerned about the gun/god/gays crap (pro/pro/anti, in case you’re wondering) that our legislature churns out by the dumptruck-load (such as the Year of the Bible BS bill that’s getting pushed by one of the worst legislators (Dahm, I think)).

    1. Damn!

  14. So you’re telling me real boobs prefer real milk?

  15. I recommend human breast milk…. Stick with the human species…. Hindus worship the bovine

    1. Is there another kind of human milk besides breast milk?

      For what purpose(s) do you recommend human breast milk – other than for nourishing human newborns?

      What in the world do Hindu religious practices have to do with non-Hindu Americans’ consumption of cows’ milk?

      1. Supposedly, John D. Rockefeller, in his dotage, purchased human milk from breast feeding mothers.

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