10 Oklahoma Agencies That Must Be Destroyed!!!

In last week’s state-of-the-state address, Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt outlined some of the carefully planned, polled and plotted things he’d like to see accomplished in 2020 as part of his never-ending, totally arbitrary quest to make Oklahoma a Top 10 state.

He also took the opportunity to reveal some of the important things he’s learned as governor. Check out this snippet from his speech:

The greatest challenge before us today is government bureaucracy.

In my first year of public service and as the chief executive, I have found government too big and too broken…

Oklahoma has the 20th highest land mass among states, the 28th largest population, and yet, we have the 9th most state agencies out of all 50 states. This is unacceptable.

There is no value to having more agencies than other states; it has not solved our Bottom Ten rankings in critical categories.

Wow. Can you believe it? Kevin Stitt’s observations about state government totally conform and ascribe to his conservative anti-government ideology! What a shock! I thought he was going to say that his observations from working in government didn’t align with his indoctrinated conservative philosophies and values, and that his first year of public service has been a massive learning experience that’s led to a deeper, more practical understanding of the complexities of government and its role in society, and in the process, caused him to reexamine his entire worldview.

Seriously, I can’t believe that didn’t happen.

That being said, Comrade Stitt does have a point – Oklahoma has way too many government agencies. In fact, according to the state website, we have 207 of them. Here are the 10 Kevin Stitt should destroy immediately in his quest to make Oklahoma a Top 10 State.

Polygraph Examiners Board

I think we’ve all watched enough true crime documentaries and Forensic Files episodes to know that polygraph testing is junk science and a totally unreliable method to determine if someone is telling the truth, unless, of course, you fail the test. Then it’s fine for law enforcement and the media to use it against you!

As a result, we should leave polygraph testers alone just like we do fortune tellers, mystics and chiropractors, and let them practice their voodoo science outside the eyes of government regulation.

Oklahoma State University (Stillwater)

Let’s be honest – Does Oklahoma really need two middle-tier flagship Universities located 82 miles apart? Probably not. To cut costs and eliminate redundancies, they should just merge OSU with OU together into one larger middle-tier university.

Not only will it save the state a lot of money, but OSU students will finally know what’s it’s like to root for a good football program! Plus, by combining the program, maybe OU will actually win a playoff game! Okay, okay, that takes things too far, but you get the point.

p.s. – Yes, this would hurt the Stillwater economy. That’s why I propose moving OSU-OKC to Stillwater as a consolation prize. Imagine those possibilities!

Oklahoma Department of Libraries

In today’s Internet age, do we really need libraries? It’s easier to download a pirated PDF of a book than it is going through the hassle of finding a library, getting a card and deciphering the Dewey Decimal.

Boll Weevil Eradication

Not to go all Joaquin Phoenix on you, but have you ever heard the screams of a young boll weevil larva as its mom slowly dies from ingesting cotton drenched in Round Up? It’s cruel and inhumane! In addition to that, the Boll Weevil Eradication website isn’t even active. If they’re not responsible enough to keep it active, then they don’t need to be a state agency,

Oklahoma Peanut Commission

What in the world do we need a peanut commission for? I just picture some government agent harassing the guy at Old Paris Flea Market for not using proper salting technique. Get the government out of my peas and nuts and let the free market take its course.

Licensed Social Workers Board

I’ve been to a couple of unlicensed social workers board meeting at the McDonald’s inside the Belle Isle Walmart, and let me tell you, the unlicensed folks know what they’re doing. We can obviously trust them to get the job done without broken bureaucracy.

Oklahoma Commission on the Status of Women

In today’s woke age, it’s hard to believe that Oklahoma still has a government commission to study the status of women. It should not be the government’s business whether you’re married, dating or hooking up with some rando on the weekend.

And before I get ratioed on Twitter, I would like to clarify that I would also advocate for the dissolution of the Oklahoma Commission on the Status of Men, but unfortunately, you can’t get rid of Kevin Stitt’s cabinet.

Oklahoma Ethics Commission

Knowing what we know about Oklahoma politicians, and their uncompromising high ethical and moral character, it’s probably a waste of time to have an ethics commission.

Oklahoma Geological Survey

Since oil companies already run the Oklahoma Geological Survey, why don’t we just officially give the Oklahoma Geological Survey to them? I don’t see a problem with it. As history has taught us, oil companies are highly ethical corporations that routinely put people over profits, so we’d have nothing to worry about.

Oklahoma State Textbook Committee

I think a state Textbook Committee would be a good thing to have if we lived in a state that actually provided new textbooks for its students. This would be like Oklahoma having a Surfboard Safety Commission or Department of Economic Opportunity. There’s not time for it!

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35 Responses

  1. Polygraphs are a joke. Seasoned criminals could pass with flying colors

    1. Liar!

    2. It’s not a lie if YOU believe it.
      – George Costanza

      1. Great comment, vonH! “Trained” polygraph examiners are useful to law enforcement in tricking “believers” into confessing their crimes when the examiner detects “deception.” Nothing more.

        The gullible might be impressed by the examiner and all those graphs, but Tarot cards would be just as accurate in detecting “deception.”

        No one ever “passed” a polygraph test. The best that you will do is “inconclusive.”

        1. Here ya go. Hope you’re never on Jeopardy with the category “90’s Pop Culture References”


          1. You’re right. I would fail miserably. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  2. Novice politicians who believe that “government bureaucracy” is our greatest challenge – tend to do a poor job of steering that bureaucracy. That’s because the foundation of our American republic is built on separation of powers, and not on top-down command.

    Guys like Stitt get elected and can’t understands why everyone doesn’t jump when he snaps his fingers. It worked when he was the CEO of the company that he owned, right? Stitt has already moved to pull more power into the Governor’s office by making more state officials report directly to him. But clearly that isn’t enough for him.

    The fact that the same “government bureaucracy” sometimes inconveniences our benevolent “job creators” from cutting corners (safety, labor standards, environmental damage, consumer protection, etc.) has nothing to do with GOP hostility to that same bureaucracy. Nothing at all.

    1. Bingo! Companies are supposed to make a profit . Government is not . Takes a different skill set.

  3. Kinda agree with him but he’s hitting the wrong ones:

    Oklahoma Santa Claus Commission
    Sheep and Wool Utilization Research and Market Development Commission
    Boll Weevil Eradication Organization
    Viticulture and Enology Center
    Office of Community and Faith Engagement
    Community Service Commission
    State Regents for Higher Education (Cant we just let the University Boards do this?)
    J.M. Davis Memorial Commission
    Emergency Drought Commission
    Linked Deposit Review Board

  4. Shit. I would eliminate the State Legislature. I mean we can take guns anywhere, they’ve appointed a state animal, flower and food what else are they good for. Plus it’ll save a ton of lawyer fees evertime we get our asses beat in court trying to outlaw abortion.

    1. As i would agree with you on most things like why we need these state flower/animal or food and I am against abortion unless medically necessary but on the gun issue
      May I suggest a move to California or Chicago if that issue really bothers you

      1. You may suggest it, but it isn’t going to happen.

        Those of us who favor a woman’s free choices about her reproduction, and who want to do something about our horrible gun carnage, are going to continue to speak up for our beliefs.

        Get used to it.

        1. Well Graychin I will admit we have had a few incidents at Penn Square mall but those are isolated and the nature of the matter you couldn’t tell me that even if we didn’t have permitless carry they wouldn’t have happened anyway. Now as far as the abortion goes and the woman’s right to choose well she could have chosen to use birth control and she could have chosen to make her partner use a condom. Now im not talking about the cases of forced rape so lets get that out of the way right now and if medically necessary because both mother and child wouldn’t survive the pregnancy.
          But its the women that use abortion like birth control that I have an issue with.
          And since we are on the subject look up the death rates from abortion and compare them to gun deaths and take a count on what gun deaths are homicide,suicide,self defense, negligence,and mass shootings
          And then I want you to tell me what number is higher even though i already know the answer but i would like you to do the work for an unbiased result.

          Then get used to backing something that kills way more kids the guns.
          Thats the big problem I have with most people who use THINK OF THE CHILDREN approach to try to ban guns but are for the woman’s right to kill a child in the womb

          What if one of those kids that got aborted were a way better person then you and I
          And the same can be said about a child killed by any weapon or by abuse
          And not that Carl used the think of the children tactics in fact he is against abortion in his own words

          1. Excuse me) kills more kids THEN guns

            1. Maybe the state should focus on teaching sex ed before they try to eliminate the abortion procedure. Also giving birth is expense and dangerous and sometimes birth control fails so sometimes abortion is the best option to keep food on the table and a roof over your head.

            2. Cjs as I do agree that sex-ed classes wouldn’t hurt and that birth control isn’t 100% effective because that’s how me and my wife had our second child. Not to be that guy because i like sex myself but the only way to not have a kid 100% guarantee is not to have sex.
              Oh and by the way when me and my wife found out about our second kid we couldn’t afford to have another child but guess what I am happily working overtime and willing to look for a second job if I can no longer get overtime so to me if someone uses abortion like birth control they are selfish and sick so again use birth control or a condom or both or its called a dildo or use your hand you have better options on how not to have a kid or a abortion and still get some relief

        2. It’s still a free country (I think), and S.j. is free to express his or her opinions. I won’t even ask him or her to leave the state, or to move to country where abortion is outlawed altogether – like Egypt or Iraq.

          I doubt that S.j. can cite even one case of a woman who “uses abortion like birth control,” so that argument is a straw man (or woman). That’s as rare as unicorns. Birth control is much cheaper and easier, even if you’re a dumb teenager.

          And if S.j. is saying that abortion in case of rape is OK, then how does that fit into an anti-abortion stance for the sake of the poor innocent children?

          1. I was saying to cut out the argument of oh what if she was raped but I guess that flew way over your head. And its funny now you are going at me like you are upset because I’ve blown your abortion/ gun narrative out
            Maybe you didn’t look up what I asked you but maybe you did and you realize that I am right and you don’t want to admit it

            Or are you saying that killing a child is okay as long as you scramble it up and suck it out before the 3rd trimester
            Because that’s how its coming out

          2. Oh and graychin it’s either the Washington post or the Washington Examiner cant remember what one that reported at the end of 2018 a total of 41.9 million abortions and 9 out of 10 were elective so yeah I would say that’s using it like birth control

            1. Yes, I am missing your point on rape cases. Abortion allowed then, or not?

            2. Now I would say if it is incestual rape then yes absolutely but that’s only due to the fact of health conditions and you never know what the outcome of something like that.

              Now non incest rape can be kind of a gray area as it’s not that child’s fault and I can see how the women wouldn’t want a daily reminder. but isn’t adoption an answer?
              There would be plenty of people who can’t have kids that would love to have that child

            3. I say that forcing a woman (or even an underage girl) to carry her rapist’s baby to term is an abominable policy. Would you do that to your own daughter?

            4. Well I would rather nobody’s daughter but I do know this is the real world and those things do happen.
              Not that im some big bad Billy bad @$$ but if someone raped my daughter they better hope I don’t get to them before the cops do.

              With that being said imagine you’re wife telling you she is pregnant and you are excited to be a father but she also tells you that she is going to get an abortion and guess what unlike getting a vasectomy an abortion only takes her approval not both.
              Or imagine you’re daughter telling she is pregnant and you want the joy of being a grandparent and she gets an abortion and guess what the state of oklahoma has no grandparents rights so again you have no say so.

              Now in the case of pregnancy due to rape rape that is a hard road that I would definitely say that you or I would ever have to know but ultimately it would be up to the woman to decide but that child didn’t ask to be created and it damn sure didn’t ask to be ripped apart and pulled from the womb.

              And if you can watch an abortion and feel good about it then you are a sick sick person
              I’ve seen some stuff that would make a goat’s stomach turn but the thought of something like that is just way to far for me.

            5. You didn’t answer my question, Rambo.

            6. And why should I you have yet to answer mine

  5. The company he hired to advise did Arkansas’ restructuring. Now they have super large agencies that are riddled with divisions doing different things. Remember when we wanted small agencies so they could be nimble and better able to serve taxpayers? Face it. It is just something he wants to do to put a feather in his cap for national exposure and some future governor will break it apart again. But then again. This is the guy who is bringing back the patronage system so he can reward friends and donors and trying to strip state workers of any protections from their political whims. Imagine that

    1. Some think that a new “CEO” needs to turn his organization upside down and shake it – because no previous governor or legislature had a lick of sense. Not Fallin, not Keating, and not the Republican legislature in recent years.

      Vanity, Gov. Stitt. All is vanity.

    2. This is the guy who is bringing back the patronage system so he can reward friends and donors and trying to strip state workers of any protections from their political whims. Imagine that

      Bringing back the patronage system? I hope you are being facetious, as it has never gone away, and has been the Oklahoma Standard back in the days of Democrat David Walters. Perhaps you remember when he appointed his campaign makeup artist to be head of the Department of Tourism. That agency has a long history of people with absolutely no experience in that field being the agency head.

      There are countless other examples, but the list of Oklahoma Department of Tourism and Recreation directors is especially egregious. Imagine That!

      1. DaViD WaLtErS!? When did you become a “former” Okie, like 30 years ago? No one gives a shit about David Walters, or the Democrats, in this state any more. It’s the GOP that are both the Government and the fucking crooks now.

    3. Yep!
      Just a ploy!
      Reward some and hurt some to make a point I am the bully boss.
      He should be concentrating on all the policies and procedures to provide services to the people of Oklahoma.
      Work and encourage with what you got.

  6. More rearranging of the deck chairs on the Sooner Titantic.
    With the current price of natural gas, I am seriously worried about the future of this state’s Great and Benevolent Gassy Overlords.

  7. What, nobody mentioned eliminating the Department Of Redundancy Department?

  8. Alot or money could be saved by combining several agencies into one. For example a department of natural resources (DNR ) tourism,water.wildlife,land and property,air quality, and others should be combined under a DNR.

    1. That’s a COOP Beer department.

  9. Thanks for the link, Lost Ogle! By the way, for those who can’t figure out how to download that pirated PDF copy of a book, your library can help you with that.

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