Kevin Stitt continues to ignore the inevitability of Coronavirus…

It looks like Kevin Stitt is sticking with his “Less Is More” / “I Think Everyone Is Overreacting” / “God Will Get Us Through It” approach to fighting the Coronavirus.

Yesterday, he announced a new “Safer at Home” plan that requires people from our “vulnerable” population – whoever that may be – to hunker down at home to avoid catching the Coronavirus, so everyone else can go about their normal lives and infect each other while visiting our state’s “essential” businesses.

It’s a step in the right direction at a time when healthcare professionals, scientists and mathematical models are telling us we need to take giant, urgent leaps.

Via The Oklahoman:

Gov. Kevin Stitt on Tuesday took greater steps to mitigate the spread of COVID-19…

In an updated executive order, Stitt mandates all “nonessential” business in the 19 Oklahoma counties with confirmed cases of COVID-19 close for a 21-day period starting at 11:59 p.m. Wednesday…

Oklahomans over age 65 and those with and those with underlying medical conditions are required to follow Stitt’s “safer-at-home” policy. Those Oklahomans will still be allowed to run “essential” errands like visiting the pharmacy or grocery store.

The governor also announced a statewide ban on all gatherings of more than 10 people. He also is imposing a 14-day moratorium on all elective surgeries, minor medical procedures, and non-emergency dental procedures.

So, what constitutes an essential business in Oklahoma? Well, just about every business in the state!

Although my personal view is that the same rules that apply to resumes and press releases should also apply to lists of essential businesses – one page is best, two will do, anything beyond that is too much – Stitt’s team produced a comically long six-page list of all the types of businesses and industries that are deemed “essential.”

That being said, there are a handful of down-on-their-luck, non-essential businesses that Stitt left out:

The “nonessential” businesses that will have to close in 19 counties include salons, movie theaters, gyms, bars tattoo parlors, spas and massage parlors. Restaurants will only be allowed to offer food and beverages to go. Pharmacies and grocery stores will remain open.

Man, this lockdown is going to be brutal for the sex industry. What are Oklahoma lawmakers going to do for fun now?! Patricia’s have temporarily closed, massage parlors have locked their doors, and dancers at the Red Dog are stuck with too much glitter. Oh well, at least Hobby Lobby is an “essential” business so they can take it all back for a refund.

Anyway, at this point I’ve basically accepted that I live in right-wing state guided by theocrats who value their bias-confirming hunches and skeptical premonitions over the views of healthcare professionals and scientists, and that the Coronavirus pandemic will not be treated with any sincere sense of urgency in Oklahoma before it’s probably too late. Practicing safe social distance measures, and determining what’s truly an essential business, is basically left up to me. Screw the health and safety of others. Maybe that’s how it should be anyway?

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17 Responses


  1. A “burning” question: Are cannabis dispensaries considered “essential” businesses?

    I mean, c’mon. If Hobby Lobby is “essential”….


  2. Imagine that. Righteous state avoids wrath of God.


  3. All Mathis brothers are open!


  4. Golf courses are essential businesses here. Oklahoma is barely ok. Imagine that.


    1. What’s wrong with golf courses? Fresh air, sunlight, exercise are supposed to be good for you and your immune system. As far left and right that I hit a golf ball; I’m practicing social distancing on every hole.


  5. But shopper stalkers can’t come closer than six feet.


    1. Priceless! lol


  6. I’m sure gun stores are open.


  7. Governor Stump (half Stitt, half Trump) has now issued his specific plan for containing the virus spread by decreeing that old people and sick people are now classified as “non-essential”, and must therefore stay home. “I believe the benefits are two-fold”, Stump tweeted. “Non-essential people will hopefully die of natural causes at home, or starve, and either way, there will be more room for the young and strong to go on Spring Break and such, and the deaths of the non-essentials will be listed as ‘natural causes’, thus not counting as virus related deaths. I call it a true ‘win, win'”.


  8. Ummmmm…gotta keep the golf course going…and the liquor store …and ummm nevermind I got nothing


  9. Well I knew it was gonna happen. My no good, worthless, puke maggot of a boss finally let me go. The libtard cowardly piece of crap claims a business selling vegan flower pots and yard décor ain’t an essential business. So my job breaking down and bundling cardboard boxes ain’t needed neither. But being a turn lemons into Gatorade kind guy I’m gonna go big or get stoned. So what with everbody ordering everthing from the Interwebs I noticed there’s like a gazillion empty boxes crowding alumnum chairs offena porches. So call me, Carl, and I’ll rush right over and for fifty cents a box I’
    ll stomp ’em flat, tape ’em together and haul them off. I found a house builder outside of Tegulcipa, Honduras willing to pay nickel a pound for ’em. It’s a win/win! I get to keep the Camaro, you get a clean porch and somebody in Central America gets a house! So email me at [email protected]


  10. Stump. Perfect. If Stump thinks like donald then in his mind he’s kicked the Tribes asses and he’s simply moving on to making this corona thing go away as well.
    News flash Kevin. You’re no donald. Why I’d bet Stump couldn’t have stole a single penny from all those Veteran’s donations in New York. Aspire to be like a grifter? It didn’t work out for Scottie Pruitt and it won’t work out for you.


    1. There is no deception one can count on like self-deception. Stump is a great leader in his own mind…


  11. They pre-empted Superstore to have their bat-shit crazy prayer service last night. That should do it.


    1. I mean, look how well it did when they prayed for the oil industry!


      1. That was Governor Mary’s futile gesture to the oil overlords who gave her instructions every morning.

        Today, the oil bidness needs Divine intervention more than ever – their product approaching $20 per barrel. No such intervention is on the horizon – for any of us.


  12. Tut tut. So judgmental and not even slightly thankful for all the good work our governor has done. The TV church thing was just one more example of you heathens not being appreciative of the First Couple’s contributions to Oklahoma’s Standard.

    I’ll bet most of you didn’t even know there is a Guts Church in Tulsa. Or by watching the tube you would also get a sermon in Spanish. Or that a black dude with cool hair would set the tone for thanking deity for the great shape we find ourselves in. I mean ALL OF THAT AND MORE would have been missed by us without the tele evangelical talkie. And best of all it was a great excuse to not read the latest, lengthy and generally worthless executive order. However that gave me an excuse to drive over to Hughes County to catch a little cock fighting, which is actually illegal because it kills chickens, but folks there can ignore coronavirus, which actually kills humans.

    Is this a great state or what? Actually……..or what.

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