My first impulse when sitting down at the keyboard is to just type ‘NO WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES LUCAS A DULL BOY’ over and over again. But I was already dull to begin with, and that doesn’t quite make for good blogging material.

I’m bored to death and losing my mind, as many of you probably are. I’ve already done almost everything on our list of how to kill time at home, and I miss hanging out with my friends and being in public. So let’s get creative and figure out way to still enjoy unemployment in a time when there is literally nothing to do and no one to hang out with:

Visit Tulsa’s First Drive-Thru Strip Club

Apparently, the Lipstick Cabaret in Tulsa is trying to pitch a tent (literally) that would allow horny people to drive through and get a private dance in their car. It’s a win-win: the dancers don’t have to remind you to sit on your hands, you can listen to whatever music you want, and big truck fetishists will finally have their dream come through by seeing a nekkid woman on the hood of their raised F350.

Hit The Links

Governor Stitt ruled that golf courses are considered essential services, which makes sense. How else will him and his rich buddies get away from their wives for a few hours? If I was a person who had a sincere displeasure for our wealthy class, I’d consider showing up just to cough all over the rental golf carts, but that’s not me. Nope.

Pretend You Work At Buy 4 Less

Don’t have a job, but need something to make yourself feel valuable? Pop into the local Buy 4 Less with a thrifted knit polo and just start facing shelves. Eventually, someone will walk by and tell you to stock the produce. Keep up the good work, and they’ll have you behind the meat counter before you know it. The pay may be non-existent, but you’ll make new friends, and maybe get the rona.

Play Volleyball At Mesta Park

Take that shirt off, oil up, put the zinc on your nose, and get ready to have a sweaty, Top Gun-style volleyball match at Mesta Park. I can attest that every time I’ve walked the perimeter of the park, there have been young people who probably just came back from the Covid-infested beaches of Florida, and they wanna party. Just show up and join a pick-up game, you’re young, what could go wrong?

Pretend You’re A Local News Anchor

Your sleep schedule is probably insane right now, so stay up all night until the morning news comes on. I only knew that it existed recently, but apparently there’s thing at 5am where people with weird hair and aggressive smiles will gently tell you things about the community. By this point, you’re already losing your mind, so put it on mute with the subtitles and read them outloud. If you’ve got a friend, one of you can act out Alex Housden, the other will play the part of Zach Rael.

What are y’all doing to still be active and social without endangering others right now? Seriously, I need suggestions, there’s only so much Animal Crossing I can play before I own the town and am cursed to be Tom Nook for eternity.

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8 Responses

  1. I’ trying to picture a cabaret dancer naked except for a virus mask.

    1. I’m

  2. Now that America is getting a glimpse of what retirement for Millennials and Generations X, Y and Z looks like (bored and broke) maybe they’ll start putting some money in their 401ks? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whew I think I just wet my Depends. Who am I kidding. They’ve figure out that they need a better gaming system and have mastered the Microwave into a skilled piece of culinary cookware. Though that big square thingy in the kitchen with the funny round whatchamacallits on top and the nearly opaque glass door on the front still remains a mystery.

    1. Did you just negatively stereotype four generations of Americans?

    2. OK Boomer. Just skip over the part that your generation (“kids, I’m leaving your mom because I need ‘Me time’ assholes) created this mess with greed, selfishness and purposeful ignorance of others’ suffering. We don’t have the damn money because you drained every dollar you could from healthcare and benefits. Bad news Boomer: you won’t live forever. And you’re about to be out-numbered.

  3. Just go to Lowes.. thats where everyone is at in strict isolation…

    1. That pergola ain’t gonna build itself

  4. So true about Animal Crossing, Our museum was ready to go by the end of the first day!

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