7 ways COVID-19 has made Oklahomans teenagers again

For a state with thousands of rednecks promoting “civil liberties” through gun ownership and paying taxes to the government on license plates that read, “Don’t Tread on Me,” Oklahoma sure has a bunch of backasswards laws and social norms that try to restrict morality and lifestyles. It’s like the average Oklahoman can’t be trusted to have morals without church or any fun at all after 2:00 AM. Well, since this whole COVID-19 business went down, it seems like it’s gotten a lot worse. In fact, I don’t feel like Oklahoma is treating us like adults anymore. Here’s 7 ways COVID-19 has made us all teenagers again.

We have curfew

Many Oklahoma towns, including Lawton and frickin Geary, have implemented a mandatory 10:00 PM curfew for all residents. Luckily, thanks to COVID-19 we don’t have any rock and roll concerts for the foreseeable future to tempt us to break it.

 -

We can’t drink in bars

Much like Junior prom night, we are forced to raid the liquor cabinet in the kitchen if we want to enjoy a drink. But hopefully we are all making better choices than “Malibu Rum” or “Jim Bean” these days.

 -

We get into trouble for our hairstyles

Remember how much trouble you got into when your parents found out that a friend came over with a box of Loreal Studio hair dye and the intention to make you look like a Dollar Tree Spice Girl? Well, being that cosmetologists are not considered to be an “essential” service and it’s apparently illegal for such professionals to do home visits, like teenagers we will also get into trouble if our buddy sneaks over to dye our hair.

-

Our parents keep ragging on us to stay home

Even though this millennial hasn’t had a “Spring Break” in over 7 years or lived under my parents’ roof in nearly 10, my mom, dad, and grandparents keep reminding me of the importance of staying home instead of partying during this pandemic. Usually, we talk about this when the call me on the way home from their 4th “essential” trip to Walmart in a week.

-

Our responsibilities are cut in half

Taxes aren’t due for another 2 months, Zoom meetings don’t require dry cleaned pants, and you’ll get yelled at for visiting grandma in the nursing home. No one has been “adulting” in nearly 3 weeks.

-

There’s freedom in driving again

Remember a time when getting behind the wheel by yourself, rolling the windows down, and blasting RHCP while cruising down Main Street felt empowering and freeing? I do. Because that’s how it felt when I left my house for the first time in 2 weeks last Friday to visit an “essential” brewery for curbside pickup.

-

We’re all grounded

No parties, no friends over, no staying out after 10:00 PM, and no leaving the house unless you’re going to work. Let’s face it, Oklahoma: we’re grounded.

-

Hayley has 10 years of adulting experience. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek