The Dumbest Signs From Yesterday’s Derplahoman “Back to Work” Rally

Yesterday, a bunch of weirdos held a rally where they vroom-vroom’d around in their cars to try and convince local government to “open up” the state amidst a (hopefully) once in a lifetime global pandemic.

According to them, it doesn’t matter if their relatives and friends die a miserable and crushing death of organ failure while on a ventilator in a fluorescent hospital and not able to see any loved ones in their final, punishing gasps of air. It’s more important for these Karens to visit the Belle Isle Chili’s and bitch to their server how it took twelve minutes to get their food.

Of course, they didn’t have the balls to actually get out of their cars and march to make the point that everything is fine. Oh wait, maybe they did…

They don’t believe they are going to get sick but DEFINITELY don’t give a damn if YOU do, lowly minimum wage worker at the Penn Square Cinnabon. Unfortunately, none of them were honest enough about their intentions on any of the signs they displayed:

First of all, if you’re going to be in a parade, even if it’s one of fools, WASH YOUR DAMN CAR. It’s been raining like every other day this spring, how the hell your Nissan Quest look so grimy? The ‘FAKE NEWS’ is a good shot, and the chaser is the Lifechurch sticker.

Look, if you’re gonna be in some weird car protest, at least make your sign legible. As far as I can tell, this one reads ‘#Rouponok Oclphama Mash, Oclohuma Mako.’ I only know English, and obviously not very well if you’ve been reading here a while, but I feel like this isn’t the best way to convey your message of ‘Get Sick And Die So I Can Go To Build-A-Bear.’

Is this like a ‘Keep Calm and Chive On’ kinda statement? Can’t tell if ‘church’ is being used as a noun or a verb, but if they were like Dirty Nissan Quest guy they’d know you can go to Lifechurch.TV and pastor Dave will be doing his funny sketches about Leviticus on this magical thing called the internet.

I don’t really understand this one, but I do know that this asshole is so frightened that he’s wearing a facemask inside of a car and still doesn’t give a flying fuck about anyone else getting sick, he’s got a business to run, damnit!

2 Work 2 Furious! The addition of the selfie stick lets you know that this guy has a YouTube channel where he films himself getting pulled over and claims to be a sovereign citizen and immune to American laws.

For the love of your grandma and all the people that you love, please, everyone take this seriously and not go out acting like these jackasses.