Great. Now Bats Are Invading OKC.

It’s been a helluva year for OKC so far. We’re experiencing a pandemic, historical unemployment, and a sinking economy. Now, there’s a new plague heading our way:

BATS!

And not only bats, but daytime bats, which is weird. KFOR reported the story earlier this week:

OKLAHOMA CITY – State biologists said recent bat sightings downtown, during the day, shouldn’t be of too much concern as many bats are migrating or bulking up for hibernation.

“The bat was actually down here, right on the sidewalk, it looked like it might be dead, I wasn’t sure if it was dead or asleep,” said Cody Lusnia of the bat he spotted on a walk with his dog, Rip, Sunday morning.

Lusnia said it’s not uncommon for Rip to sniff out critters while on their walks downtown, and Sunday’s bat sighting was the second in as many days.

“I’ve seen enough vampire movies to be a little wary of bats,” said Lusnia, jokingly, “and I ducked, it flew past us, and it was able to land and I was able to snap a picture really quick.”

Lusnia, who lives downtown, posted the picture of the bat flying low above the sidewalk to Twitter. Nearby real estate group Verbode replied, saying it too has seen a number of bats in recent days.

“It’s very weird. And seeing them on the ground. I’m used to seeing them in the movies or on TV,” Lusnia said.

Just what we need in these trying times. Sure, they say that bats are harmless, and they are pollinators, and good and cute. But deep down we all know they are vicious killers who can turn into Dracula’s and suck our blood at a moments notice!

If the bats decide to shelter in place here, it might change some things in the city:

Scissortail Park Farmer’s Wet Market

It’s theorized that wild bats purchased from wet markets in China caused this whole thing, but there’s gotta be some hipster urban foragers that will take advantage of selling these delicacies, along with poached squirrels and opposums.

Less Mosquitoes

Since we never really got a deep freeze last winter, and we’ve gotten enough spring showers already, the bug problem is going to be really bad. So a plus side of having these furry bugs with teeth hanging around is that they’re gonna swoop up all the mosquitoes and we won’t have a malaria outbreak to compound the situation.

Skybridge Tourist Attraction

One of the big tourist sites in Austin, TX is the famed bat bridge, where thousands of the bastards live and will all take off en masse at night. If they choose the Skybridge as their home, it would be a cool way to drum up extra tourism dollars, and lighting from the sculpture would provide extra drama.

Emergence of Supervillains

I know this is a stretch, but if there are many bats, it is possible one could be a… BatMAN. There isn’t really much crazy crime to fight in OKC, but the existence of a superhero automatically generates insane villains bent on controlling the city and defeating The Batman.

Trendy Boutique Bat Shirts

You know at least a dozen of the seemingly endless local t-shirt companies will want to capitalize on the impending Bat Situation. They’ll make cutesy logos of the city skyline with bats flying over it, or OKC Thunder knock-offs that are some weird parody like Steve BATams.

After all of this, I think I’ve talked myself into welcoming our new bat overlords. What do you think?