10 Most Deserving Oklahoma PPP Recipients

Now that the outrage dust has settled after the release of all SBA PPP loan recipients over $150K, I thought it would be fun to be positive for a change, comb through the list of 6,000 or so Oklahoma loan recipients, and recognize 10 of the most deserving! When you scroll through, please remember this is a very serious list and is not dripping with any sarcasm.

Pioneer Woman Mercantile

Oh my goodness! The Pioneer Woman’s Pawhuska Mercantile got a couple of tablespoons of PPP money tossed into her cast iron skillet! The grand total fell between a yummy $1 – $2-million. That’s a relief. I can’t think of anybody who could use some public help more than Ree Drummond – the quaint, shy and humble housewife of the plains who owns a media and lifestyle-brand empire worth… what?… $25-mil??? $50-million? Higher??? Someday she may even have a higher net-worth than her husband! Or maybe not. I guess we’ll have to check the oven in a few years to see. Either way, Ree’s family has experience receiving and spending government money, so I’m sure they’ll put these bailout grants to good use.

Ackerman McQueen

The Coronavorus hit the ad industry hard, especially for those unscrupulous companies that were already being sued by their biggest, evilest client after years of alleged over-billing and other shady business practices. As a result, I’m sure Ackerman could really use the $2 – $5-million in money they received to extend their fight with the NRA, or hire some temps to help prepare for the Chickasaw Nation agency review.

ImageNet Consulting

Hey, remember these nice guys? They laid off and furloughed a bunch of employees when the pandemic hit, and then tried to swindle the remaining employees out of their stimulus checks. Well, they were rewarded for those classy acts with $5 – $10 million in PPP loans that will hopefully be used to buy a well-deserved PR firm.

Ozark Pizza LLC

This is the holding company that owns 45 Papa John’s franchises in Oklahoma, Arkansas, Missouri and Illinois. Although April and May of 2020 were record-setting months for the pizza maker as people decided to wait out the virus for a few months, they still scooped up $2 – $5-million in PPP funding, which I guess helps make up for all the revenue they lost when everyone realized Papa John himself wasn’t exactly the freshest ingredient in town.

Bob Mills Furniture

Even though furniture stores were considered essential during our state’s brief shutdown, 2016 Trump Campaign Co-Chair Bob Mills – the white working man’s friend – was able to secure $2 – $5-million in government subsidies from his hot air balloon for his Oklahoma and West Texas mini-furniture empire. It makes sense. With furniture stores across the country selling out of many items due to government stimulus payments, the sales commissions for his shopper stalkers were a lot larger than normal.

Griffin Communications

As you probably know, Griffin Communication is the family-owned media conglomerate that owns and operates News 9 in OKC, News on 6 in Tulsa, and Ogle family genome. Their flagship channel – News 9 – is basically the Edmond megachurch of the OKC local news scene. It’s socially conservative, promotes traditional values, and has a cross-wall in the employee breakroom. In fact, I’ve heard a rumor that their next set design will be built with materials, decorations and art donated by Hobby Lobby!

Anyhoo, I’m glad News 9 got the $5 – $10-million in PPP funding. They’ll continue to provide us with material, and at the very least, they can now give Storme Jones a raise and medallion for bravely running into clouds of tear gas during the vandalism portion of the late May duels between police and protestors.

Oklahoma Council of Public Affairs

These guys are an ultra-conservative OKC-based dunce-tank that thinks any form of government assistance to anyone is a terrible waste of taxpayer money, unless of course, they’re the ones receiving that government money. Then it’s OK to take $150,000 – $300,000 from the government, especially when you can try to rationalize it by saying you’re just playing by the rules that you happen to oppose. You know, kind of like how Bernie Sanders justified being a millionaire.

Red Dog Construction

I heard the requested their PPP funds in crisply folded dollar bills.

Hood CPA

This is a big accounting firm in Tulsa owned by an attention-seeking accountant named Paul Hood. In March, he offered a $25 reimbursement to any Tulsan who ate from a local restaurant during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Mayor G.T. Bynum ordered all restaurants, food courts, cafes and coffee shops to close their dining rooms, limiting them to curbside pickup, drive-thru or delivery only.

“When times get tough it’s the tough service industry owner’s that survive,” said Paul Hood, founder of Hood CPAs. “We want to help business owners and create a positive ripple effect.”…

The offer is only available to the first 2,020 Tulsa families who submit their receipt of $25 or more by emailing it to [email protected] or dropping it off at a Hood CPA location with their name and mailing address.

There’s a Hood CPA location in Bartlesville, Catoosa, Claremore and Tulsa.

Sure, that may feel more like an advertisement and excuse to get new client leads more than a sincere act of kindness and generosity, but it’s still a nice gesture. Give the man some PPP money!

Life Church

According to the filters at Non Doc, I “lampooned” LifeChurch.TV earlier this week when I wrote about them scoring $5 – $10-million in government PPP Funding. It got a lot of attention on social media, because you know, controversy sells. It then resulted in the church going to their media pals to justify the government tithe.

Anyway, I’d like to formally apologize to Life Church, Pastor Craig Groeschel and it’s executive leadership team for a massive error I made in the piece when I guesstimated Life Church earned $30 – $60-million dollars in tax-free revenue in 2019. Holy shit was I wrong! I know this because I checked their 2019 annual report:

Wow! $319,335,570 in assets. I think that’s more than Chesapeake has in the bank. I knew LifeChurch was a profitable business… errr… church, but not that profitable! I need to get the paperwork completed for ChurchOfTheOgle.TV. Does anyone know where I can find some Viking helmets?

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51 Responses

  1. OCPA spent more than $400,000 in ad buys against Medicaid expansion. Capitol rumors are that they are struggling financially.

    1. Yay that they’re struggling, not that they were against SQ802.

      1. Mullin Plumbing got a nice chunk of change too. Markwayne told us he pays his own salary; why is he taking taxpayer funds for anything?

        1. Can’t believe I forgot to include that one!

          1. Don’t forget Kevin Hern.

        2. Because he won’t have to pay it back. You will.
          Don’t you know that when COVID breaks out toilets quit getting stopped up? Poor Mark Wayne.

        3. Why wouldn’t he? If the gov’t is offering free millions, aren’t you supposed to grab as much as you can get, whether you need it or not? Isn’t that how the system works, even if it screws over the small struggling busineeses that the program was designed to help???

  2. Bob “Come help us out we’re overstocked during this pandemic” Mills?

  3. The conservative mantra in Oklahoma:”Do as I say, not as I do.”

    1. Let’s not forget the even MORE ubiquitous “In GOLD we trust>”

  4. Meanwhile, struggling people were SO grateful to get the small $1200 check to try to keep their utilities turned on and buy some cheap groceries at Crest. Even Mitch McConnel’s rich in-laws received millions of dollars. Now McConnel is saying IF there is to be a second stimulus check it will be very limited.

    Up north in Canada, they SHUT DOWN and every adult is receiving $2000 per month and it’s working. Check out their very small number of Covid cases and deaths. They are all on the same page and working together.

    We have zero leadership in this country to handle the pandemic. That has to change.

    1. I like how you’ve omitted the small $600/wk extra on top of any other unemployment benefits one is “entitled” to. Just $2400/mo extra, no biggie. I understand why so many of you don’t want to go back to work…

      1. Thank you for reminding us about the $600 per week, but the propaganda that it keeps people from going back to work is silly BS.

        With 50 million plus having filed for unemployment during the pandemic, anyone who declines to go back to work when called is likely to be permanently replaced – while tens of millions of others are competing for available jobs. And that $600 runs out this month.

        Who exactly are the “so many of you” that you know who have declined to go back to work because of the weekly $600? Anyone? Anyone at all?

        1. As a matter of fact, I do, but something tells me you have no idea how hard (small) businesses have it right now.

          1. Your source is mistaken. Ran one myself.

            1. Too bad the only thing you run these days is your mouth.

        2. I actually do know people in IN that did not go back to work because of the extra $600/week. They’re abhorrent Trump supporters and constantly yammer about welfare, takers, etc.

          1. I love it when Brian is triggered!

            1. Explain to me exactly how I’m “triggered”? Am I also a cuck, or woke or any of the other fashionable right-wing buzzwords?

            2. Keep posting, so I can provide further diagnosis.

            3. And my point, since you obviously missed it, is that they can no longer rail against welfare, takers, etc., because they have become one of them. But logic isn’t a Trump supporter’s strong suit, so they’ll continue.

            4. Again, what alternatives are you providing? There will be a lot of businesses, especially in the restaurant sector, that will never open back up, ppp/eidl loans or not. This was an unprecedented event that needed an unprecedented action. Did you fault Obama’s handouts the same way, btw? Be honest now. I’m sure those businesses that do stay open are grateful for the availability of these resources.

            5. dick

            6. That’s right, you (loose) asshole.

            7. Hey Janet, get back on your laughing gas before you go totally ballistic!

            8. Yes I do fault the 2008 handout of taxpayer money to the rich. I thought we learned from that….clearly not. It doesn’t matter who is in power, the rich fleece America and pass it out to themselves. And hey if you’re a church you don’t even have to pay taxes or be in any kind of need to also fleece the taxpayers.

        3. If you make, roughly, $ 1,200 per week or less, then you’re making more money while receiving unemployment plus the additional $ 600.

          There are many people that are refusing to go back to their jobs they were once furloughed. They’re choosing to take the additional 6 months of unemployment plus the $600 because it’s essentially a raise for the next 6 months.. I know about a dozen people that are doing this. They’re not worried about finding another job. It’s easy to find jobs where you’re making less than $ 1,200 per week.

          You seem to know a lot about the philosophy of how things work, and how things should work in the academic world, but very little knowledge of the real world.

          1. Of course lumpy hannity forget to tell vix that there might actually be some people who are concerned about dying from exposure to COVID. There’s only 130 million + people in this country with compromised immune systems and pre existings.
            However, being a selfish goper prick who only thinks of himself this small fact would never cross his mind.
            Billions if not trillions go to the top 20% and vix throws a tantrum over some guy who’s trying to support his family and doesn’t want to die or get laid up for 6 months from COVID. A true don the con goper fool.
            VIX go find some 80 year old Grandmother wearing a mask so you can kick her ass to prove you’re a man.

            1. Your short-bus driver, Mike from Tulsa, got here before you. Explain that, please.

      2. Damn right. At 36K or so a year any guy with a family of 5 can just retire, move to OKC and become an Ogle Mole pro bono. Nothing but top shelf bud and Coors Light from now on.
        Probably get down to David Stanley for one of those new Dodge diesel 3/4 tons with 0 interest and 0 payment for 8 years, attach the rubber bull nuts and go to a donald COVID corral party to thank donald for 6 months of pure financial bliss.
        If things really go to shit he can bum some helicopter cash from any Oklahoma farmer who lost their income to donald’s tariffs.
        Greedy bastards anyway. How dare them want to eat and feed their kids.

  5. Another fine hour for corporate socialism. AND, since all these institutions of superstitious indoctrination put themselves on record as businesses, it is time to make them pay the same taxes — at every level — as all other businesses.

    1. yeah imagine if these huge churches on every corner in this state had to pay taxes…and omg we used those taxes for our education!? oh gosh nevermind what a ridiculous proposition. How are they still NOT paying taxes!!!! Religion is a hobby just like sports and bars. People pay the church to provide them with the hobby of worshipping and BS just like we pay the NFL to entertain us on Sunday.

  6. That woman in the Ackerman-McQueen photo always makes me believe that she would bite the head off a rattlesnake. I’m told that she sounds like it too, although I don’t watch NRA TV.

    I have met Paul Hood, CPA. Not impressed at all. His greatest talent seems to be self-promotion, like scoring a weekly spot as a money “expert” on Griffin’s Channel 6. That, and buying other accounting firms.

    As a “church,” LifeChurch isn’t required to file a public annual return with the IRS as other kinds of tax-exempt organizations do. I would LOVE to see the rest of the financial statement that is shown in that tweet. (Hint hint.)

    The church’s “net assets” would include things like buildings, musical instruments, and TV equipment in addition to cash money. Even more interesting to me is the $163 million in annual revenues and the $43 million of what most of us think of as “profit” in one year, including $7.5 million in “Gain on investments.” Must be a lot of investments behind that, eh?

    Sometimes doing the Lord’s work pays really well!

  7. Why would Ackerman-McQueen need to hire temps when they have interns who work for free? In 2004ish I was one of these interns.

    Lifechurch spends $5M/year on Lifegroups? Former Lifechurch member here and Lifegroups are literally just small groups that meet in people’s homes. The group leaders are just whoever wants to do it and are unpaid. If your group wants to buy books, curriculum, food, childcare, or anything at all you have to buy it yourself. So… the $5M is going to what exactly? I can’t even come up with a smartass comment.

  8. Good info on where not to shop/order/view/attend. Hard to believe those poor attorneys at Crowe didn’t make the list. All they do is defend these A-holes.

  9. Holy cow, Life Church — and I mean it. I’m seriously starting a church to worship cows so I can build a huge fortune that I will deliberately not use to help the poor, sick and needy. Services will be held at your neighborhood Braum’s.

    1. L. Ron Hubbard already took that concept and ran with it.


  10. Not sure what the local tlo dwellers think ppp was meant to do, so I’ll be curious to find that out vs the official interpretation below:

    “Under the CARES Act, PPP loan proceeds can lawfully be used for the various purposes of a normal SBA 7(a) loan, such as to provide working capital as well as to cover (1) payroll costs (as defined by the Act); (2) costs related to continuation of group health care benefits during periods of paid sick, medical, or family leave, as well as insurance premiums; (3) mortgage interest payments; (4) rent payments; (5) utility payments; (6) interest payments on other debt obligations incurred before February 15, 2020; and (7) refinancing an SBA Economic Injury Disaster Loan made between January 31, 2020, and April 3, 2020. CARES Act § 1102(f). The SBA has declared in its Interim Final Rule that 75% of the PPP loan proceeds must be spent on payroll costs.

    If a borrower uses PPP funds for unauthorized purposes, the SBA will direct the borrower to repay those amounts. If a borrower knowingly uses the funds for unauthorized purposes, the borrower will be subject to additional liability charges for fraud. If a borrower uses funds for unauthorized purposes, the SBA will have recourse against the borrower’s shareholders, members, or partner(s) for the unauthorized use.”

    1. I already feel better about Jerod’s loans.

  11. Straw man alert!

    No one is saying that these businesses aren’t adhering to the letter of a badly-drafted law. Only that, like pigs at the trough, they gobble up what they can reach whether or not they need it more than others.

  12. Can you fault them for that? Again, you, obviously, have no idea what kind of shit show it is out there right now.

    1. Yes, we can fault them for that. There are many eligible companies that either didn’t take the money or sent it back (albeit when they got publicly shamed for taking it). Naked, unfettered, balls-out greed and capitalism is not working in this country.

  13. So what’s your proposition, triggered man?

    1. You are literally laughable, you’re using the right-wing playbook exactly word-for-word, keep on rubbing those two neurons together, there might be a spark somewhere.

      I’m not the one in charge of making fiscal/monetary policy for the country, so I don’t have any propositions, but there are *plenty* of other options besides the path that the USA has chosen to go down, and TLO isn’t the place to discuss those, and I would never discuss it with your small-minded, brain-dead, trump-ass-sucking person anyway, go google it.

    2. But I thought we had the best huuugest economy ever in the history of the whole world. Kudlow says everything under control. It was brought from above and laid at our feet.

      Jimminy-it only took 1 month to take it down.

      1. Mark, are you, by chance, related to Z? Or are you his short bus driver?

      2. Plus Trump’s one and ONLY brain cell!

    3. For starters: Vote out any candidate of any party who favors “Trickle Down Economics”, totally re write the Farm Bill which is primarily responsible for the problems that donald only highlighted with his tariffs, make stock buybacks illegal and re write SS that would absorb all current and make illegal all forms of 401Ks and IRAs which are primarily responsible for Americans thinking that purchasing stock at 30 times earnings is in some way “investing.”
      “Trigger” on those Vix. Now Vix what do YOU propose besides not wearing a mask and kicking ass on anyone who does?

  14. Love it, absolutely love it. No more questions, your honor.

    1. Feeding frenzy for trolls.

  15. surprised you didn’t have Mazzio’s Pizza on the list. I mean April and May were the biggest selling months for pizza maybe ever.

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