Indigenous Land: 7 Hypothetical Proposals for Eastern Oklahoma

Last week, the Muscogee (Creek) Nation scored an ultimately historic win for not only themselves, but for Indigenous peoples all across the country, when the Supreme Court ruled that a large swath of eastern Oklahoma is Muscogee (Creek) reservation land and there ain’t a damn thing the government can do about it.

While the verdict is definitely a cause for much Indigenous celebration, it’s one that Okie lawmakers from Governor Kevin Stitt on down have constantly proclaimed will “throw Oklahoma into chaos” and other right-wing scare-tactics. To be honest though, I kind of hope it does.

Encompassing over three million acres of land—including Tulsa—I started to think about what hypothetical changes and theoretical laws that the Muscogee (Creek) tribe could make as they hopefully move forward and transform eastern Oklahoma into, what should be, their own image. Here are a few ideas…

Reverse Land Run

With eastern Oklahoma back in the hands of Indigenous people, perhaps it’s time for a Reverse Land Run? When the pistol goes off, tribal members will race each other to find the houses they like best, throwing the current owners out on their asses and making a new home for themselves and their families. And, you know, when they’re all moved in, how about a monument to celebrate these historic endeavors?


Rename Tulsa

A good start might be to rename Tulsa to the more Muscogee (Creek) appropriate Tvlsa; what better way to shake things up? And if the current residents complain about this new wording on every street corner, tell them that it might be a good time to learn the language—you’re on Indian land now, buddy.


No More Gaming Revenue

Since he has taken office, Stitt has wanted to play hardball with various tribes regarding the dollars made from casinos and other gaming endeavors…how about no more gaming revenue for the rest of the state? The proceeds from these moneymaking enterprises should go directly to the tribe and their land; as the state’s economy dwindles even further, then maybe a downcast Stitt might learn to humbly say “Thank you, sir.”


Commodities for All

Growing up in Indian Country, there are very few of us who don’t have memories of government workers unloading the truck on commodity day and standing in line to receive bricks of salty cheese, cans of gritty peanut butter and whatever else the USDA deemed Natives worthy of ingesting that month. But now, these free eats should be available to anyone in eastern Oklahoma, should they have a strong constitution and an even stronger stomach. Pass the beef with juices!


Banning Religious Practices

In the United States, until 1978 it was illegal for Indigenous people to practice their religion openly, with many even facing jail time for bravely breaking those unjust laws. I say it’s time to convert the current crop of Christian mega-churches and such into more Native-centric houses of worship, whatever that may be—there are plenty to choose from. Maybe they will actually be able to do the things churches are supposed to too, like help the poor and hungry, for example.


White Boarding Schools

Many Indigenous elders will oftentimes tell stories about the Indian boarding schools of the long past, where young Native children were taken from their homes and indoctrinated into a wholly white life through ritualistic beatings and even worse. In order to “Kill the Caucasian and Save the Man,” it’s a good time to re-educate these lost white children on the Indigenous ways, if only for the good of their everlasting souls.


Free Blankets

Finally, when that Oklahoma winter comes in fast and hard, no Indigenous person wants to see white people freeze to death. For additional warmth and hospitality, Natives should donate thick blankets to those cold, huddled masses yearning to stay toasty. Don’t worry though, they’re not from any local hospitals battling the Covid-19 pandemic – the Muscogee (Creek) Nation isn’t as ruthless as the United States Government.


Follow Louis on Twitter at @LouisFowler and Instagram at @louisfowler78.

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18 Responses

  1. well done

  2. Before the inevitable attacks from Caucasian Country start pouring in, please remember that this website consists largely of satire.

    1. Louis only does serious stuff here, like reviewing local food and hating on whitey.

  3. Serious question: do other Oklahoma tribes’ territories have similar legal status as never-dissolved “reservations”? Or is the status of the Muscogee (Creek) Nation unique in this way? (I live within the boundaries of the Cherokee Nation.)

    1. @Greychin – The ruling applies to the “Five Civilized Tribes”, so Cherokee, Chickasaw, Choctaw, Creek, and Seminole.

    2. They may. I think the remaining 4 “civilized” tribes may be in the same situation for sure.

      But before everybody gets all fired up about this ruling, it’s really pretty narrow but still important. Basically, if you’re an Indian and are charged with a major crime which occurred within the boundaries of the old reservation, you must be tried in federal court. The state courts have no jurisdiction. Therefore, all currently incarcerated folks who fall into this category are wrongfully imprisoned and probably just got a get out of jail free card. Like the petitioner in this case who was convicted of molesting a 7 year old child.

      1. I doubt that it’s as sweeping as “get out of jail free.” All will still be subject to prosecution in federal court – including the horrible person who was the petitioner in this case. He is unlikely ever to see the outside of a jail again.

        A big winner is the defense attorney who exploited this quirk in the law. Bet his phone is ringing.

        Our district attorneys, who will lose their power to bargain with tribal members, aren’t going to like this at all.

  4. OOOOOOH! That’s gonna sting!

  5. So while I am curious if there are any lasting changes as a result of this, I will say that the plaintiff of this case is a horrible human being and I hope he gets retried in all relevant federal courts and never gets out of prison.

  6. The United States was built on the theft of Native American land & many promises & treaties were broken by the US government before the ink was dry on the treaty. Uncle Sam never expected to be challenged for that theft but there have been several landmark cases of Native American Tribes & First Nation people winning lawsuits for either compensation for stolen land or returning the land back to the them.

  7. This is great news! I have always hoped that the casinos would generate enough money for the Native Americans to buy their land back but this is a windfall moment. Now the Muscogee people can generate income in a new way; living on our land, here please sign this lease agreement. I can only hope as real justice is fleeting in our, I mean their country.

  8. As usual the Orangeman’s cheerleader, Kelly Ogle reported it as a win for a convicted rapist, not a word about the true winners, the Native Americans. Typical slanted reportage.

    1. It’s also a win for people who don’t approve of judges “legislating from the bench.” Gorsuch voted with the four “liberals” and against the likes of Alito and Thomas, finding that the law should be interpreted to mean what is says , not what you wish it said.

  9. Tribes need to force-march all the white people there to western Oklahoma. Elk City could use the boost! (Tribes wouldn’t actually do this because they’re not Indian supremacist assholes.)

    1. too much Merlot tonight? “Indian” supremacists? lol

  10. Do not mock the Commodity Cheese. It is mothers milk sent from the Gods

  11. Well at least Louis’s true colors come out. I’ll just leave it at that.

  12. Do those free blankets come with sars if not then im not instead….lol

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