7 places Oklahomans should be banned from visiting

Since COVID-19 cases in the US and specifically Oklahoma are rising faster than a pan of cookies on Emily Sutton’s dashboard in July, many countries have flat-out banned us from visiting. Lately, multiple states have also started requiring Oklahomans to quarantine for 2 weeks upon arrival or face fines. While many Oklahomans, whether through argument of personal liberty, personal responsibility, or personal grudge, believe that the travel restrictions go too far, I personally believe the restrictions don’t go far enough. In fact, here’s 7 other places Oklahomans should also be banned from visiting!

Branson, Missouri

FACT. At any given moment, 63% of the Branson, Missouri population is made up of Oklahoma couples who had visited Bass Pro Shop and got roped into the Big Cedar Timeshare “free vacation” sales pitch. Bransonites have had enough of us cavorting around, butchering Yakov jokes and hogging all the tickets to the Dixie Stampede.

Facebook.com

Give me one good reason why any Oklahoman you know should be able to visit Facebook.com. I’ll wait.

Rural Canada

Once Oklahomans find out there exists a world of rednecks with tax payer-funded, universal healthcare and effective leadership, it’s over for the Oklahoma GOP.

The Voting Booth

By the way our esteemed leaders, on both city and state levels, are navigating this here pandemic, I’m going to make the call that Oklahomans should no longer be allowed to choose their own leaders and thus should be banned from visiting the voting booth.

Sicily

Legend has it that there is an actual region-wide ordinance banning Oklahomans from stepping foot on the shores of the island after a couple of Watonga-based honeymooners tried to order a side of ranch with their sfincione pizza back in 1997.

Miami, Florida

Oklahomans should be banned from Miami, Florida because 1. We already have a Miami, 2. We complain enough about the heat and humidity being 37 degrees north of the equator, so we sure as hell can’t handle being 11 degrees closer, and 3. Our weak constitutions can’t withstand eating at a Mexican or Latin American restaurant without complimentary chips and queso.

Anywhere Without a Mask

If you’re going to be traveling anywhere nowadays, you should be wearing a mask. In a fact that appears to be contrary to the popular belief amongst our esteemed leaders in Oklahoma, this pandemic has only gotten worse.

Hayley travels to her backyard every night. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek

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18 Responses


  1. Sorry Hayley but we’re already banned in all those places. The reason we’re in Oklahoma to begin with is our ancestors were kicked out of everywhere decent. Our grandparents and great grandparents were promised free land and loaded in Conestoga wagons with just enough axle grease to get us to the promised land of red clay and ranch dressing.


  2. Have you heard that Branson’s Dixie Stampede is changing its name to… The Stampede? It was always a stupid name that everyone hated.
    .

    It’s true that our overlords want fewer of us to vote. They think it helps them hold on to their power when we don’t vote, and they’re probably right. That’s why they moved so quickly to restore the notary requirement for mail-in ballots.

    During the “emergency” declared by the Unmasked Man we elected somehow as our governor, you don’t need a notary for your ballot – just a copy machine for your voter ID card. That opened the floodgates! It was the record number of mail-in ballots that saved the day for Medicaid expansion on June 30. Those votes were overwhelmingly in favor of SQ 802. In-person voters voted no.

    What if Oklahoma conducted all of its voting by mail, as they do in five other states with no adverse issues at all? Fewer backward-facing guys like Kevin Stitt, Mike Ritze, and Ralph Shortey might get elected. Imagine that!


    1. Jesus old man how did i know you were going to be here…. And better yet I somewhat agree with you.


    2. It’s not just the overlords that don’t want your average Okie to vote. I’m not much in favorite of it either. I’m reminded of when Hillary was pushing the Palestinians for a vote in the West Bank – and then Hamas won that election, which she was then in favor of overturning. Or the Egyptian election when the Muslim Brotherhood won.
      Most Okies don’t know shit about history, even less about biology. I would bet the majority don’t know that there are three branches of government. A fair number of them couldn’t point out the U.S. on a map. They are befogged by ridiculous religious myths. They apparently think a bermuda grass lawn is mandated by the Bible. They ignore any science that,..well, they ignore any science.
      Keep’em at home on election day.
      And, please, can commentators on this site please, now, after the 4 zillionth sarcastic repetition, stop with the “Imagine that” slogan? I mean, yes, it was stupid to begin with, and it can be fitted to just about every topic here, but it’s about as worn out as my left shoulder.
      (Nasty ass mood this morning after watching a big yelling fight over masks at the local Walmart.)


      1. I think that you are horribly wrong about discouraging voting among the masses. When voter turnout is low, the likes of Kevin Stitt and Donald Trump get elected. Public opinion usually is way ahead of our politicians, in a good way.

        ” Keep’em at home on election day.” They said that in “Dixie” for over 100 years after the War of Northern Aggression. Still do.

        People in other countries sometimes vote differently than America wants them to? The horror!

        In addition to the examples you cited, the UK voted for Brexit and chose Boris Johnson as prime minister. Does that must mean that democracy is a failed experiment? That we are better off under the rule of a Strongman?

        God I hope not.


        1. I am humbly volunteering to be that strongman, for a modest salary.
          Imagine that.


          1. By the way, you could mandate that every single Okie had to vote in the next election and Trump would still win this state by a handy margin – probably by more than he did last time. Same with Inhofe. Same with Lankford.
            Democracy, right now, in its present form in the U.S., IS a failing experiment. A senator in N. Dakota has as much power as one from California. A representative from there represents only a fraction of the people that one from CA or NY does. Presidents win elections without winning the popular vote. Any meaningful reforms get invariably blockaded. Dark money pours in and will always pour in to any election cycle.
            And that’s a clever ruse to compare my reluctance to encourage uninformed, reactionary Okies to vote to the out and out forceful exclusion of people of color from the voting booth in the South. Must mean I’m a racist.
            And yes, it was a horror to see the Muslim Brotherhood win that election, and then get crushed by a strongman supported by the U.S., and to hear Hillary so artfully change her position once she saw a result she didn’t agree with.
            I vote. I’m just not particularly excited by the pseudo-militiaman Jesus freak on the next block exercising his right – although he does have that right, unlike the black people of the south did for all those many, many years.


        2. Gray chin good god why oh why do I have to agree with you today on a few topics. Yes this person is a dingdong on not wanting people to vote. I say vote and voice your opinion now if I agree with you or not on how or who you vote for is another story but get your @$$ out and vote that’s how this system works just dont get violent with it and i can respect (not agree with) your vote or it can be both respect and agree with just depends


          1. Can’t say I remember any past disagreements with you specifically. People disagree with me so often, how could I keep up?

            Glad you’re on the right side of making secure voting easier. Everyone opposed to it seems to be in only political party. Sad.


            1. Take the comment from “option a” below. Please.

              Although he doesn’t seem to disagree with me. He just doesn’t like me, and finds that worth commenting about.


    3. What about Dixie cups? Have they been banished to the realm of unacceptability also?


      1. Hope not.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpQ0O5RhkWI


        1. +1100


      2. what about people named Dixie?

        Graychin condescending know-it-all opinion followed by the ever-unimaginative “imagine that” in ….3…..2…..1


  3. Mexicans are responsible for “tremendous infectious disease pouring across the border.” Trump, July 2015

    It wasn’t true about Mexicans, but it sure is about Americans now. Good job, Dear Uncle Don.


    1. Maybe Mexico will agree to pay for the wall after all.


  4. I say we should ban all travel from out of and into the state unless it’s for an actual emergency medical reason. Just set up checkpoints at all state lines. That would be worth watching all the Karen’s&Kevin’s go full potato


  5. It’s funny the Oklahomans you are speaking of are usually those that moved here from some leftist state.
    Branson, oh my God. I have ask many native Bransons & Missourians if they have even been to many attractions in Branson with 75% no! Good thing we keep their tourism economy going.
    I will gladly stay out of all your States and countries, but do us the favor and get the hell out of ours!

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