5 News Stories You May Have Missed Over Labor Day

Labor Day 2020 is officially in the books! I guess that means it’s time to put away your white facemasks and get ready for a fair-less Oklahoma fall!

Based on Emily’s 11-day weather forecast, it may last longer than three weeks this year:

While we all kind of get back into gear following a three day weekend, I thought it would be a good idea to take a look at some of the big, clickable news stories that occurred while you were hopefully ignoring news and recklessly enjoying the outdoors or hunkered down in your living room hating life.

1. Braum’s Hay Barn Spontaneously Combusts

Here’s one that will make you say “Hay, Verne.”

On Friday morning, the hay barn at the Braum’s family farm/compound in Tuttle caught fire. Apparently, some wet hay spontaneously combusted and… wait… wet hay can spontaneously combust???

First of all, I vote that “wet hay” become the nickname for any Braum’s that is in the weeds messing up orders.

“Hey, want to swing by Braum’s for ice cream?”

“Eh, it looks like there are more than three cars in the drive-thru. I bet some wet hay is being tossed around in there.”

Seriously, wet hay can spontaneously combust? Next week, expect the Sonic ice factory in Shawnee to burn to the ground.

2. Skeletal Remains Discovered in Plaza District. 

I know the wait for a table at The Mule on a Friday night can be kind of long, but this seems excessive.

On Saturday, a woman walking her dog stumbled across skeletal remains near the cool and hipstery Plaza District. Via News 9:

Investigators late Saturday night roped off an area near Northwest 16th Street and College Avenue in Oklahoma City after a woman stumbled upon human remains.

“A woman who lives in the area of the Plaza District here in Oklahoma City was walking her dog in a vacant lot,” Oklahoma City Police Department Captain Jeff Spruill said.

The dog ran away from the woman who then made the discovery.

“When she found her dog, she found skeleton remains in the back of the lot,” Spruill said.

Right now, I bet Wayne Coyne is wandering around his house asking, “Hey Katy! Have you seen my old skeleton? I swear I put it by the giant hands and bunny outfit, but now I can’t find it.”

Oklahoma City police is still investigating if there was foul play associated with this person’s death.

“They have been here so long it is hard to know what trauma is actually present,” Spruill said. “Obviously, human remains being found in a vacant lot in the middle of the city is automatically suspicious to us.”

The remains are now at the medical examiner’s office.

Actually, if you take a look at Louis Fowler’s 2016 memoir about running around the Plaza District before it was gentrified, an occasional skeleton or two out of the ground shouldn’t be very suspicious at all.

3. City employee leaves snarky, accurate response to Facebook troll

On Friday, the City of Oklahoma City shared a Spanish-version Facebook update about the city’s mask mandate. Since 9% of our city’s residents speak Spanish, a bilingual update about a public health crisis makes sense, but naturally, some probably racist troll / fake Russian account took issue and left a response, leading to the City’s social media bandit to share a great takedown…

I checked the original post, and the comment and reply appear to be deleted. Either way, Emily Sutton needs to bring whoever responded to this message along for her next free meal at San Marcos.

4. Desperate Cow Attempts To Cross Oklahoma River

You have to marvel at the steps living organisms will take to avoid being on a dinner table.

Possibly suffering from PTSD following the Braum’s hay fire, a fearless cow tried to make a daring escape by swimming the heavily polluted Oklahoma River.

It was a chase that you might have witnessed back in the Wild West, but a steer attempted to make his break for it along I-40 in Oklahoma City.

The steer ran along the interstate before deciding to take a dip in the Oklahoma River.

Chopper 4 pilot Mason Dunn kept an eye on the steer and radioed its location to Oklahoma City Animal Control.

The steer was eventually tracked down in a wooded area and lassoed by a team on horseback.

Boy, if that cow didn’t have E. coli before his dip into the river, he’s definitely going to have it now. At least he didn’t cause a scene in downtown.

5. Deadly Virus Continues To Spread Across Oklahoma 

I did some quick math, and Coronavirus only killed about 475 people or so from June through August. You think that would be bigger news, and maybe appear at the top of a news recap listicle, but the pandemic and its costly death toll have been normalized thanks to our state and country’s shitty response. Hell, I’m surprised I even included it. Either way, try your best to stay safe out there and please wear a mask.

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