7 reasons why Oklahoma roads are so dangerous!

Even though Kevin Stitt recently touted Oklahoma as being #9 in the country for roads and bridges, OKC Fox recently shared a clickbait study claiming that Oklahoma is the 8th most dangerous state to drive in. Although this shouldn’t really surprise anyone who has driven more than 3/4 of a mile on I-44, the actual reasons might surprise you.

Here are seven of them:

Big Foot Sightings

Whether it’s because the cryptid isn’t as mythical as we suspect or because meth use is rampant in the eastern part of the state, dodging big foot is one of the leading causes of traffic accidents in Oklahoma. Thankfully, there have been no reports of traffic-related big foot fatalities in the state since 1963.

Ford F250s

They say that dudes with big trucks are compensating for something… As evidenced by how many times it took the dude in the OU ballcap and F250 to back up in a parking space at the Winchester last weekend, I am assuming big trucks compensate for poor driving ability.

Increasing speed limits

It’s all fine and groovy that our esteemed lawmakers have increased the speed limit in some areas of the state, even though speed increases are associated with higher traffic-related fatalities. Hopefully they really did take into consideration road geometry, collision history, and sight distance on the roadways like they said they did before casting their vote for the proposal and didn’t just approve the bill to avoid being called a square.

Braums Drive-Thrus

You would think a middle-aged suburban Oklahoma mom in a crispy white minivan with stick figure family decals on the back windshield would be one of the state’s safest drivers. However, you will think differently when you see her floor-it across the parking lot of a Braums any given Saturday morning to cut off the other suburban mom in a silver Tahoe with soccer club and Kiwanis kids bumper stickers plastered on the rear who is also speeding towards the drive-thru line.

Braums Milkshakes

Speaking of God’s creamery, even those big-ass, standard-issue pink Braums straws are no match for the thick, sweet goodness of their own milkshakes. You gotta eat them sunsa-bitches with a spoon and no one is going to wait until they get home to dig in. After visiting the drive-thru, Oklahomans will drive with their knee if it means they get to swallow half of their cake batter shake before they leave the Braums parking lot.

Toby Keith Music Videos

Just like how the music of Pink Floyd is better during a laser show and Fleetwood Mac makes more sense if you’re recovering from heartache or a 3-day bender, you can’t fully experience a Toby Keith song without its accompanying music video. As it turns out, it doesn’t matter if the song is shuffled on during the daily drive to school. Because FACT. Forty-seven percent of distracted driving-related accidents in Oklahoma occur during the chorus of the “Should’ve Been a Cowboy” music video. In a related statistic, 12% of Oklahoma’s syphilis cases are contracted while tuned into Toby’s 2002 hit, “Who’s Your Daddy?”

Rural Oklahoma

Generally, I would insert witty commentary about Oklahomans’ love of Dukes of Hazzard cosplay here. But a bunch of good ole boys honky tonkin’ down rural roads on Saturday nights aren’t the issue in this case. According to this article right here, Oklahoma has the second worst rural roads in the US and 85% of our decrepit bridges are also in rural areas. Since as of 2018, Oklahoma is a top 10 state for motor vehicle crash-related fatalities per mile and 65% of the state’s fatalities occur in rural areas, I think the real problem is the state’s failure to properly fund our infrastructure.

Hayley can’t drive 55. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here!

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22 Responses

  1. Reason 8. Spring and Fall road traffic has grown exponentially as the pandemic has doubled the number of semi truck size recreational vehicles now approaching 2500 square feet driven by geriatric drivers from New England states that have less time behind the wheel than a 15 year old kid from Osage County. Remember Snow Birds Kill!

  2. You forgot to include the chicanes on Western.

  3. The way the people drive is the big issue. Case in point, was at the Edmond Office Depot yesterday, trying to leave the parking lot, waiting to make a right turn on to 33rd . Optimist in front of me thinks they can make a left, an impossibility because of traffic. All of a sudden the SUV behind me pulls past me and makes a right turn in front of the poor soul waiting to make a left. He/she almost hits the guy trying to turn left, shakes him up so much that he decides to get the hell out of there and makes a right turn.

    Now all Edmondites seem to believe right on red doesn’t require a stop before you go, and there is a two car grace period when a light turns red, if you are an Edmond resident who is in a hurry and too important to wait their turn. While I may live here I do wait my turn, and count all my items at the grocery store before I head to the express line at Sprouts.

    Plus Edmond was the only place that felt a 30-day waiting period was a good idea for the mask mandate. I guess the sign that tells you that Edmond is a great place to grow knows what it is talking about. Imagine that!

    1. This sums it up. People who who act like they own the road, and who think that everyone else is just in their way, cause more accidents than anything.

      My hypothesis is that these are the same people who consider themselves too special to wear masks against the pandemic.

    2. Dont you know? All right on reds have the right of way over the person with the green light. This is obviously state law across oklahoma. I now drive like a little sunday grandma and my brakes are STILL shot. Also using a turn signal can get you the death penalty, and following distance is about 3 inches from bumper to bumper even if youre going 10 over in the right hand lane.

      1. Shitty thing is we got rid of the 55 MPH speed limit and the weird speedometer rules, but we kept right turn on red, even though it’s just as obsolete, no longer has significant energy savings, but promotes traffic violence and kills people daily.

  4. Been nothing but down hill since The New Deal.
    What a shame!

  5. 1) Roads cost money to build and maintain.

    2) Money to do that comes from various sources, one being taxes.

    3) In Oklahoma, TAX = BAD!!!!!! BAD!!!!!! NO TAXES!!!!

    4) Result: potholes and bridges with cracks in the concrete you could hide a bale of weed in. (Or, WTF, a barrel of moonshine if that’s your thang.)

    Wash, rinse, repeat.

    1. That’s what “smaller government” looks like.

    2. Yah but we have tax on even food here.

      1. Because we don’t tax oil exploration or corporate gains.

  6. the answer is in the first picture.
    cell phones and texting.

    They are typically in the left “passing lane” travelling 10 miles under the speed limit and floating lanes.
    The resultant pissed-off hoard stuck behind them take extraordinary risks to get around this idiot.

    The other big problem is people travelling slow in the left lane – cell phones or not.

    just my experience in my daily shit-show of a commute.
    Someone asked me why I don’t ever ride my motorcycle to work – hahahahahaha.
    more dangerous than the Rona.

  7. That Maximum 90 sign must be from Canada, i.e. in km/h. I don’t think even in Texas there is a speed limit of 90 mph.

    1. Max is 85 on the toll road segment around Austin going to San Antonio.

    2. Yup, you are correct. The starburst emphasis border is also a giveaway. Highest speed limit I can recall seeing in Canada is 200, but that went away around 20 years ago and since then the highest I’ve seen is 120, with most major highways being 100. There’s a couple 130 zones but if you have US plates the locals will generally refuse to pass you and stay well the hell away until you’re doing under 100. They have licensing standards, we don’t, they know it.

  8. And those expressway on-ramps! I heard somewhere that 95% of Okies don’t know how to drive on them properly!


    1. Auntie knows her stats, Mr. Graychins. Can you tell us which group you’re in, pretty please?

      1. Generally the folks bitching about this are in the “fails to yield and blames the person with the right of way for not letting them in” camp.

        1. From auntie’s observations, Mr. Graychins isn’t known to yield on this blog, so you might have a point there.

  9. I will never understand the dudes that have to back a truck into a spot. This is a fairly new phenomenon. Most of the times that I have witnessed this at convenience stores I was in and out of the store by the time they just finished backing their truck into a spot. Seems counter-intuitive to me, but also owning a large truck that you only haul things in 2% of the time also seems to me to be poor judgement.

    1. It’s safer than backing out of a spot, and it’s easier to get a vehicle into a tight area if the steering axle is on the end that has the most space to move side to side.

  10. Have noticed some Steve Lackmeyer bashing on this site and never really could figure out why. I’ve always enjoyed his OKC Central Chat & particularly today there was an item of interest. A person joined the chat to share that they had not been able to find an assisted living center in OKC area that would accept their married uncles due to religious reasons. Lackmeyer referred them to Cimarron Alliance for Equality which was a good move on his part. A good thing to come out of the Daily Oklahoman. Hey Steve, if you are reading this, this item about assisted living centers and their bigotry would be a huge story for the Daily if they are maybe willing to go there-Anyone you know at the paper willing to take on the story? Or maybe some Ogles could give their 2 cents?

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