5 tips on how to wine and dine during the pandemic

Most of us have been holed up for months now. It’s kinda like being in jail, but the snacks are better at least. We’ve reached the end of the tv series that we’ve been binge-watching, running out of movies to watch, bored out of our brains and desperate for social contact.

But guess what – OKLAHOMA IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS! That means bars and restaurants are back in full swing. Sure, it’s generally in a limited capacity, but despite the state hitting a record high of COVID cases and being one of the biggest hotspots in the nation, brunch is back baaaaaby!

Now that it is more unsafe than ever to be around crowds, I thought it would be helpful to give you some hot tips on how to go out…

Scout the Joint Out First

Every hip bar, restaurant, or brewery has multiple social media accounts. Every day they will post a photo saying, “Come out today, we have a socially distanced patio and are taking all safety precautions!” The photo will be a bunch of tables crammed together, and they’ve somehow trained a bunch of 20 year-olds how to clean meticulously.

Wear Your Mask Around Your Nose

Masks are very important to keep everyone safe. But they’re so hard to breath out of! The staff of your establishment has to wear them for 8 hours, but you can’t for a few minutes and have a clear understanding of how the mask works, so you do you.

Post a Mask Selfie

The power of social media is that nothing you’ve ever done in your life has ever happened unless you’ve posted it online. Make sure to performatively put your mask on when your food or beverage has arrived so everyone can applaud you for being safe but also be baffled about how you’re going to eat that omelet while wearing a mask.

Invite Your Superspreader Friends

If you’re going to go out for a good time while someone wearing a plastic faceshield and latex gloves is risking their own health to serve you, make it a party. Go through your Instagram feed, find the people who have been constantly hanging out with large groups, and invite them. The more the merrier, reserve a 12-top table.

Skimp On the Tip

Times are tough right now and a lot of us are underemployed or unemployed. We’ve all gotta tighten the belt and save money. Your server or bartender will absolutely understand if you can only leave 5% on the check, they’ve got a job at least, right?

In all seriousness, make sure during this time to support your favorite local businesses in a responsible way. Wear your mask, wash your hands, don’t be an idiot.

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8 Responses


  1. STITT: Now, we’s a gonna have to figger out how to DECREASIFY our taxes, so’s we can keep Oklahoma great! Any idears?

    STAFF: Well, if we reduce the total number of taxpayers by killing them off, that would technically be less taxes.

    STITT: Hmmmmm. Reckon’ we can do that usin’ that-there plausible deniability I keep tryin’ to in-corporate?

    STAFF: If you allow people to run around as if there isn’t a pandemic, one in which a virus KNOWN TO BE POTENTIALLY FATAL is spreading, then there will be a lot of deaths and VOILA! Mission accomplished! Just let people gather and shame them if they wear masks! The virus will do the rest.

    STITT: Huh. Voila—is that some kinda French omelet? Well, no matter—let the dyin’ increasify! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-Haw! I done brung the taxes down!


  2. I’m still confused. Are the 1st 3 nights of every month the hit the bars and diners days or was that just in October? Masks are optional, obviously.
    I haven’t seen anymore television ads for the big event and you’ll have to admit rolling dice with your life just to satisfy trump sure beats sitting on the couch.


  3. I’m still confused. Are the 1st 3 nights of every month the hit the bars and diners days or was that just in October? Masks are optional, obviously. Actually stiittt had a great idea. If you picked someone up at the bar, the Clap was no longer your top concern?
    I haven’t seen anymore television ads for the big event and you’ll have to admit rolling dice with your life just to satisfy trump sure beats sitting on the couch. I haven’t been this charged up since stittt decided to screw the Tribes over.


  4. The best way to help stop the spread of COVID-19 is to avoid catching it yourself. Duh. Avoid crowds like the plague (literally!), and stay six feet away from anyone not already a member of your household.

    Don’t be like the seriously overweight Walmart cashier who was wearing her mask over her chin. (At least we could deal with her from the other side of the plexiglass.)

    Some Sunshine Patriots are proud to claim that they “kneel for the Cross and stand for the Flag.” But does it restrict your freedoms too much for you to observe social distancing and wear a f*****g mask too?


    1. Heh give the Walmart cashier some credit.
      Walmart’s elite Medical Advisory Team has scientifically determined that it is NOT the mask portion over the nose and mouth that protects us. IT IS THE LOOP AROUND THE EARS that provides the protection!!!


  5. I just am going back to work tomorrow after having covid19 for a month. Me and my wife both got it at the same time. We wear our masks, use hand sanitizer, social distance, but were told by a health department person we more than likely were exposed by some asymptomatic person NOT wearing a mask in public. Me and my wife are healthy otherwise. In closing, I will say this. Covid 19 is real, and for these people that say it is like a cold or the flu, I have some swampland I’ll sell you the Sahara desert.


    1. if you were told by the health department that you likely caught it by an asymptomatic person not wearing a mask then they have participated in unprofessional conjecture and inappropriate diagnosis. would love to know the name of the public employee who told you this.

      the fact that you took every known precaution and still caught it should be a lesson to everyone that we still don’t know all there is to know about this thing or its transmission.
      I’ve heard it can live on mail, the wrapping of the candy bar you just ate, the gas pump handle, or it can simply be floating in the air.

      placing unsubstantiated blame on a nameless, mask-less person is not a responsible conclusion and is at best, a blame-game guess.
      invoking real or imagined division is not the answer we need right now.


  6. I haven’t had a hair cut in 7 months and it is almost over my eyes. Went to the barber I’ve gone to for many years this morning early. Maga signs on the front, and thru the windows I could see no one wearing masks, plus a rebel flag on the wall. This is all new, never saw this stuff there before. Maybe a clue of how divided we have become.

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