The Official TLO Guide for Surviving Election Day 2020

Happy Monday, my fellow Oklahomans! We are officially one day and 14,842 campaign texts away from the 2020 Election. Last week, The Tulsa World published a handy dandy guide to the candidates and voting process to help Oklahomans to know what to expect come Election Day. While I appreciate the effort, I feel like the staff at the Tulsa World left out some vital tips. So, here’s the Official TLO Guide for Surviving Election Day 2020!

Get in Line Early

A good rule of thumb is, if you’re not already in line at your designated polling place by the time this article publishes on Monday afternoon, you’re probably going to be waiting in line for a long time on Tuesday.

Be Pandemic-Ready

Contrary to the perceived belief of our esteemed governor, COVID-19 is still a thing. Not only that, but the curve in Oklahoma is about as flat as the 4th Oklahoma congressional district. So socially distance yourself in line, wear a mask, and bring some of those clip-on Bath & Body Works hand sanitizer bottles.

Refrain from Scrolling Social Media

Gaggles of political ads have been plaguing our social media timelines for months and campaigns aren’t afraid to blow through the rest of their budgets for ad space on Election Day. To keep from being bombarded with images of Stephanie Bice’s husband spreading cream cheese on a bagel, switch back to MySpace for a day or two. Not even Inhofe is out of touch enough to advertise on MySpace and you probably have 12 years’ worth of feeds to scroll through at this point anyway.

Cram

Based on the early voting turnout the last few days, the lines to vote on Tuesday are predicted to be longer than a kindergartener’s story about their fieldtrip. So, take this time to finally do research on your candidates. Decide if you do want our judges to maintain incumbency or if President Kanye will be taken any more seriously than some of his predecessors.

Don’t Put Up with Voter Intimidation Bull Shit

According to the ACLU, it is illegal for anyone to intimidate or threaten voters or interfere with their rights to vote. If some ass-hat is attempting to intimidate you or your fellow Oklahomans, contact the Oklahoma Election Board at 405-521-2391 or the ACLU at 1-866-687-8683. If you are denied a ballot by a poll worker for one reason or another, ask for a provisional ballot with a receipt. Don’t let anyone interfere with your rights.

Post on Social Media

I don’t care what kinds of records the Oklahoma Election Board keeps year after year. If you don’t follow up your vote by posting a selfie with an “I Voted” sticker on social media, it didn’t happen. Just don’t take a ballot or voting booth selfie or the Ghost of Mary Fallin past may haunt you until 2024.

Prepare for the Fall of Society

Well, maybe our government won’t completely disintegrate come 7:01 tomorrow. But no matter how the election turns out, Tuesday will be taxing. Remember, it’s normal to feel stressed right now. Just take good care of yourself tomorrow and we’ll see you on the other side.

In the words of Smash Mouth, “my world’s on fire, how ’bout yours?” Follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.

 

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21 Responses


  1. In my county, a woman showed up for early voting wearing a Trump T-shirt. It’s clearly illegal to wear campaign paraphernalia in a polling place, so the election board officials told her to cover up, turn the shirt inside out, or leave. So she left – in a self-righteous huff, because we live in Trump’s America now where rules don’t apply to people like her.

    If you waited until Election Day to vote, be sure to vote tomorrow! Wait in line for however long it takes. Your vote matters ALL votes matter!

    But don’t be a dick to the poll workers like that lady was. Thank them for their service. They will be working a 12+ hour day tomorrow without a break for not much money, only because they care about the democratic process.


  2. However things turn out, we will get exactly the country we deserve.

    Also – if you don’t know who you’re voting for by noon Monday, after this last year’s avalanche of media coverage, you are probably not cognizant enough to find the polling place anyway.


    1. To your point, we voted last Friday at the Tulsa Drillers’ stadium. Waited in line for 2 1/2 hours. The weather was great and the crowd was well-behaved & social. All in all a positive experience, but heard on the evening news that they had to turn several folks away because they weren’t aware the stadium early voting was only for Tulsa County residents.


    2. Collective punishment is wrong. Remember when a teacher would punish your whole class for the bad actions of a few?

      The people who have voted for and enabled the man that Skiff has correctly described as a “mentally disturbed criminal” deserve the consequences of that man’s destructive misrule. They will continue to deserve them if he follows through on his threat to have his appointees on the Supreme Court, plus Thomas and Alito, steal the election on his behalf if he doesn’t win.

      The rest of us, likely a majority of voters in both elections, have not lived and will not live in “exactly the country that we deserve.” Not at all. Not even close.


      1. You missed my point but that’s ok.


  3. Actually if you don’t know who you’re voting for by, let’s say nearly 4 years ago – you need to see a shrink!


  4. At the end of this election, half of our fellow Americans will be despondent and filled with anger. The other half will be happy, relieved and joyful. I say half but maybe the percentages will be less – regardless, a great many of our friends and neighbors will experience hurt and sadness.

    I care more about my fellow Americans than I do about politics or especially politicians. I have dear friends and family on both sides.

    I take no joy in others’ suffering.
    Differing viewpoints should not be the engine of hate and vileness.

    I sincerely hope that we don’t allow ourselves to indulge our baser instincts of violence and hate.
    Millions have died for our right to decide for ourselves tomorrow. We should be proud of our nation and each other and work to make all of it the best it can be.

    If we are divided and we fall into 3rd world chaos, we all lose. All of us.
    Our friends and families lose.
    Our children lose.


    1. I want so badly to agree with everything you are saying, but just can’t. We have one candidate who has refused to agree to a peaceful transition of power on multiple occasions. He has said that the only way he could possibly lose is if his opponent somehow rigged the election. He has encouraged supporters to show up at polling locations to observe despite no evidence that voter fraud is occurring. I would love for the stakes of this election to just be that one side will be disappointed and one will be happy but otherwise things will remain relatively normal. Trump winning this election is an existential threat to the world. I understand that some people reading this will think it is hyperbole, but they are misinformed. I agree that we can no longer be divided and that starts with removing the cancer who has spent the last 4 years doing everything he can do divide us. Voting for Trump is to abandon any pretense that you are a decent person.


      1. I understand and have heard that position from many of my liberal friends.
        My conservative friends feel just as adamantly about things like abortion and could not fathom supporting a party that condones late-term abortions. The very thought of that issue alone is abhorrent to them and overrides all other considerations. They would say that a vote for the other side is to abandon any pretense that you are a decent person.

        That is exactly what I meant by my post. The country is so split and so vehemently us-against-them that it’s hard to imagine a future without unrest.


        1. You are phrasing this as a both sides sort of issue and that is just objectively not the case. For anyone to think that outlawing abortion has equal importance to immediate need of addressing climate change is massively stupid. I know that your conservative friends will say that is being overblown, but that’s meaningless. Someone holding an opposing view doesn’t make that opposing view legitimate. There is one political party in America that is actively undermining democracy and neglecting crises (COVID and climate change). Those are the stakes of this election. Only 1.3% of abortions are performed after 21 weeks and they are due to the fetus not being viable or risk to the mother’s life. People are willing to hold our country hostage to a wannabe authoritarian just to prevent a medically necessary procedure that is only necessary in 1.3% of cases? That’s just falling into the GOP’s trap of using abortion as a distraction from the fact that they don’t have any good policies and can’t govern effectively.


        2. So, in order to avoid looking like a monster, they back a monster? Logic’s not their strong suit, is it?


        3. I hear and understand the views of people who place stopping abortion above every other consideration. I really do.

          But “pro-life” already has six solid allies on the Supreme Court. What else will another four years of Trump do to move the “pro-life” objectives forward? Anyone?

          The answer is nothing. Nothing at all. So it isn’t really about abortion, is it? It’s really about a lot of other stuff. But “pro-life” is a great place to hide if you don’t want to say the other stuff out loud.


    2. > At the end of this election, half of our fellow Americans will be despondent and filled with anger. The other half will be happy, relieved and joyful. I say half but maybe the percentages will be less – regardless, a great many of our friends and neighbors will experience hurt and sadness.

      Eeeh, it’s either half or all. Republicans are always despondent and filled with anger.


  5. The USA is in sad shape.

    After two years of non-stop jibber-jabber, tomorrow we choose between a completely incompetent mentally disturbed criminal, and Joe Biden. Two 70-something guys whose best days, if ever they had any, are years behind them. Incredible, in a land of about 330 million people, that these two are the “cream” that rose to the top of a very, very smelly pile. These two are the best we could come up with? As I say, sad.

    Maybe worst of all will be the “scorched Earth” tantrum of Donnie-boy if he loses, breaking everything in sight before the Secret Service escorts him off the property on Inauguration Day—or taking more time about it, if re-elected, to REALLY fuck shit up.

    And even if Donnie does go gentle into that good night, Joe will have his hands full just cleaning up the mess, so he’ll never get around to the necessary overhauls, like a complete re-do of the election process, an honest and thorough examination of the Constitution with an eye toward a long-overdue rewrite of the hopelessly outdated thing, and other critical structural changes necessary to keep the “house divided” from collapsing in on itself.

    You know, back in 2016 I actually thought: “I’ll vote for Trump. And he’ll fuck things up so miserably that, if we survive it, nobody will EVER vote for a Republican again. They will have awakened from their drunken slumber! It might be worth the risk.” Instead I didn’t vote for him and he managed to fuck shit up even worse than I imagined he could, and yet he STILL has a chance of getting re-elected.

    So much for my master plan—I guess at least half of the country actually LIKES watching the US circle the drain and wants to see how the “reality TV show” plays itself out, all the while chanting “Things are fine! Things are great! Hail Trump!”

    Well. I did my part via absentee ballot and voted against Trump several weeks ago (not FOR Joe—against Trump.)

    And now we’ll see which fine mess we’ll be trying to pull ourselves out of next.

    I wish all of you, and myself, the very best of luck. We’re gonna need it.


  6. On Saturday I attempted to vote early in Edmond. Big mistake. The only way I can describe the scene would be if Oklahoma wanted to have Burning Man this is what they would do. The line had no organization, it just sort of snaked around the parking lot and around the building. People were carrying chairs, tents and had that goofy look on their face like they do when they are on their way to the Edmond 4th of July fireworks show. Since that was cancelled, this must have been the substitute.

    At 15th and Bryant there was a woman twirling a “You are loved” sign in a manner like the people with the 90% liquidation sale at so many Oklahoma businesses. An older woman stood next to her, evidently just to nod her head.

    One problem with this election is Mayor Holt’s decision to put a dozen proposals to change some of the verbiage in the City Charter, you know important stuff like changing the name of the election to “general” from “primary”. You have to believe there is one important proposal that is being hidden in all the clutter, because, well that is the Oklahoma Standard.

    So yeah, there is voter suppression, pile on the BS and make sure it takes a while for people to vote on minutia, in hopes they will give up and only 10% of the populace votes, which is how the mayor and many many local officials are elected.

    Get out there and vote, it’s harder to argue about the outcome when more people vote. Might not agree with you, but should 60% of those registered actually vote, you at least know how people feel about the situation.

    Whatever happens, the sun will rise after the election and life will go on and people will adapt, even without electricity if you have the misfortune of having the Third World electric company OGE. Oh, and when you vote, remember the Corporation Commission is the ones that regulate OGE, and if you are like me and without electricity you might vote that incumbent idiot out of office, you know the one that had his campaign signs “vandalized”


    1. Am guessing had they not put out those nonsense proposals on Presidential Election Day the lines would have been dramatically shorter. Mayor Holt knows Oklahoman’s are an impatient lot. Case in point, they drive through red lights, speed, and some are so impatient they drive off without their coffee because the wait is too long at the drive through window.

      Those asinine proposals could and should have waited for another election, maybe for a bond election, or one of the primaries, the ones where they want to control the outcome by limiting the number of people voting.

      Not sure why Mayor Holt wanted to participate in this potential voter suppression by creating long lines and discouraging people from voting, but this one was definitely a success. Those changes affect about as many people as the $150 million street car in OKC.


      1. > Am guessing had they not put out those nonsense proposals on Presidential Election Day the lines would have been dramatically shorter.

        You know what’s really effective at making the lines manageable? Eliminate in-person voting altogether. Oregon did 20 years ago, at least six other states have followed suit since. Just a rather short, fast moving line to drop off your ballot at the drive-through dropboxes throughout the county.

        > Not sure why Mayor Holt wanted to participate in this potential voter suppression by creating long lines and discouraging people from voting, but this one was definitely a success. Those changes affect about as many people as the $150 million street car in OKC.

        Because people actually show up to vote for president, but don’t when it’s some local school board election.


  7. FYI, it IS legal to take a ballot selfie in the State of Oklahoma. With that being said, Mary Fallin can go fuck herself with a selfie stick.

    https://kfor.com/news/ballot-selfie-laws-is-it-legal-to-snap-a-photo-in-your-state/


    1. Next time I vote in person, I’m going to take a selfie with my ballot. Just because I can legally, and because Mary Fallin doesn’t want me to.


    2. That image will never leave my mind.


  8. Although I voted by mail, thank-you for posting phone numbers for help in harassment at the voting place.

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