Because research suggests COVID-19 transmission only occurs after dark, our esteemed governor has implemented new restrictions that require restaurants and bars to close at 11:00 PM. Since many of our dear readers never had the chance to grow up in rural Oklahoma where everything closes by 8:30 PM, I decided to make a list of activities you can do to keep yourself entertained after town shuts down. Here’s 7 fun things for Oklahomans to do after 11:00 PM!
Drive Around Main Drag
Every town in Oklahoma has a “Main Street.” Sure, it wastes gas and bogs down the service at Sonic. But it’s good, clean, socially distanced fun that has been keeping rural Oklahomans entertained since my grandparents were kids. Plus driving around in the same loop for 3 hours straight is less ridiculous than hanging out with people in the middle of a goddang global pandemic.
Hit the Drive-Thru
The state mandate allows for drive-thrus to continue service after 11:00 PM and everyone knows Taco Bell only tastes good after 11:00 PM anyway.
Start a Fight
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” Thankfully for the average Oklahoman, you don’t need to have stood up for something to have someone who wants to fight you. Whether it’s to settle a dispute, defend your sister’s honor, or see who can withstand the most blows to the jawline, a good, ole fashioned fight is a great way to keep you and 3 Toyota Corollas-worth of gawkers entertained for a good 7 minutes.
Go to the Casino
According to the 45 seconds I spent googling this morning, the governor’s order thankfully doesn’t appear to affect casinos’ hours. Pro-tip: the Hinton casino has complimentary self-serve ice cream 24-hours a day.
Hangout in the Walmart Parking Lot
Sitting on the back of your tailgate in the Walmart parking lot with your buddies is the original social distance hangout. Word on the street is that Walmart will soon be staying open until 11:00 at night! So, go in, grab a case of Bud Light and some Doritos, and wait in the parking lot for your friends to inevitably show up.
If the bars and restaurants are closed and the latest movie let out at 11:00 PM, the only place you have to take your date is the backseat of the car. I know many happy marriages that started out this way. And quite a few kids.
My great-aunts always said only sin happens after 9:00, anyway. So, tune into a Joel Osteen service re-run on TBN, say your prayers, and go the f*ck to sleep.