Remember back in February when the world was semi-normal, and the big news story was whether Mike Bloomberg could steal the Democratic nomination away from Bernie Sanders and give it to Joe Biden??? Ah, to go back to the good old days.
Here are some of our memorable content and stories and content from February. You can view January here.
Date: February 21, 2020
What We Said: “Perhaps Kevin Stitt should take a DNA test to prove…wait. The last time a politician from Oklahoma with questionable Native American heritage tried something like that, it didn’t work out very well.”
What We Learned: Most people that grew up in Oklahoma have had a family myth that they were of native descent. But in a day where you can get a blood test from a start-up that will sell your genetic information, that might be a more safe route than claiming a false ancestery.
Date: February 28, 2020
What We Said: “Really, just don’t say it. Even if you’re old an old out-of-touch professor who’s absurdly trying to compare snarky generational ageist insults to four hundred years of deeply rooted American racism that included things like slavery, lynchings, and suppressing civil rights, just don’t do it. Using the N-word will not only make you look even older and even more out of touch, but it will also make you look more like a racist.”
What We Learned: It’s pretty blunt: don’t say the n-word.
Date: February 4, 2020
What We Said: “In 2017, Damon Lane accidentally tweeted a picture of hail that apparently included some dude’s dick. In Damon Lane’s defense, he at least evaluated the piece of hail well enough to conclude it wasn’t a faked photo.”
What We Learned: Oklahoma news is so goddamn bonkers that TLO was able to do a three-part series about how much our local anchors consistently fuck up.
Date: February 3, 2020
What We Said: “I made my own (somewhat) healthier variation of the Twitty Burger this past weekend, using lean ground beef, lean bacon and olive-oil mayo slathered on a whole wheat bun. I cooked the hamburger meat and graham cracker-covered pineapple rings in the oven as well, causing the kitchen to smell more like a cake than a burger—I like to think that it was Twitty’s rockabilly spirit looking over my shoulder.”
What We Learned: Conway Twitty, aside from being a musical legend, was a burger genius. Pineapple haters be damned, this sounds like an incredible burg.
Date: February 17, 2020
What We Said: “As of now, Oklahoma mandates a 72-hour waiting period for those seeking an abortion, which could seem like an eternity for someone whose life is in danger due to the pregnancy or finds out a rape has led to conception. If vaginas had the same rights as guns in this state, the wait time for the average abortion would be however long it takes the 18-year-old cashier at Atwoods to find a manager to ring up your Ruger.”
What We Learned: There are different definitions of the right to kill in this state, and they tend to be very bass-ackwards.
Stay tuned this week for more TLO memoryholes!