The vaccine is finally, slowly, and inefficiently started to roll out. Maybe by the year 2030 we will finally be rid of this plague.
But there are a few choice spots where you could have built up a strong immunity to nasty diseases. We still don’t know how this thing will evolve, and need to take precautions and get vaccinated when we can, but if you’ve used any of these bathrooms, your immune system might be less at risk:
I respect sex workers, but do not enjoy strip clubs. You gotta pay to get in the door, then get constantly hustled for drinks, lapdances and DJ tip jars. Basically, the entire point is to strip you of your entire bank account so you can be horny for a few hours.
However, I do love Suger’s in Norman. It’s chill, you can play pool or sit in the back, and maybe you’ll see an OU adjunct wearing a gas mask and pole-dancing to Marilyn Manson. But strip club bathrooms are a hive of disease and if biologists ever did research at Suger’s, they would surely encounter things that were not meant for humanity.
State Rest Stops
Any state highway or park restroom I’ve ever used has been a rickety piece of trash. It’s like a lean-to made out of cheap aluminum and/or WPA era piles of masonry. The faucets dribble water, and they seemed to get cleaned on a monthly basis. One time at around 7am I encountered a guy wearing smeared clown make-up at a highway rest stop. He appeared to be on an all-night clown bender. As long as he’s been wearing his mask, I’m sure he is immune.
One of my first jobs was stocking bread at Crest #2 in Midwest City. My very first day on the job, I clocked out, and then another employee asked me for help. The bathroom was dirty. I didn’t want to seem lazy (even though I was), so I agreed to help him out. It was a stall in the women’s bathroom that was clogged and flooding the floor with bloody feces. He was excited to clean it up. Later on, I found out he had a sex swing. Never talked to him since. Anyways, that experience may have given me the antibodies.
One of the most storied bars in Oklahoma City also may have the most storied bathroom. Pablo Escobar must have made a million dollars alone on all the cocaine that has been hoovered off the tops of the toilet tanks there. I’ve gone into pee and had random strangers barge in to smoke a joint. Yes, I inhaled.
I’m not saying their bathrooms are unclean, but with hundreds of truckers pulling in everyday from around the country, you never know what you’re dealing with.
Honorable Mention: The Conservatory
Although it’s now something else, the bathrooms at The Conservatory were legendary. Ask anyone who has been there and had to take a piss after a few cans of Lost Lake. It’s even been written up in Xeroxed punk zines as the worst bathroom in the country. The men’s room had no doors for the stalls. One time I saw the immunocompromised guitar player from Japanese band Melt-Banana taking a shit there. All I could think was how he traveled across the globe to tour and was reduced to that squalar.
All that said, I loved that venue.
Anyways, please get vaccinated whenever that opportunity arrives for you, wear your goddamn mask, and stay the hell home.