What Oklahoma Politicians Are (Probably) Doing During the Inauguration…

I know it’s been said before, but our long national nightmare is over…unless, of course, you live in Oklahoma.

While the more austere of us will be celebrating this new era of hope, in many of the rolling hills and lumbering yards of the more plentiful homes of Oklahoma, various politicians (and political hangers-on, natch) will be angrily watching the filmed celebration to the true democracy of America, their nails slowly digging into their hands as Biden takes his oath.

Of they’ll be watching Duck Dynasty. One of the two.

Though I have no psychic powers to speak of—believe me, I checked—I still would like to offer a possible look into the lives of those Oklahoma politicians that have erred on the side of Trump, particularly this morning; maybe we’ll be able to get an inside view into just how bad their day is going and, quite possibly, the rest of their year.


Rep. Markwayne Mullin

Though fuming at the Lost Ogle for consistently mocking his hiding skills during the recent almost-takeover of the U.S. Capitol, thankfully, now he’s even angrier that Biden is totally in charge. Sitting in his underwear while in front of his television, drinking his bargain-basement version of Jim Beam, as Biden repeats those sacred words to take over the office, Mullin’s hand crushes the glass tumbler. He looks at the blood and smiles.


Sen. James Lankford

He came out of this recent attempted government takeover like a cartoonish crybaby, which says a lot about how confident he is in his beliefs—all of them. As he sits in the dark and questions his version of God and his plans for a paler, skeletal America, a plume of smoke and an aroma of brimstone appears behind him; a darkened figure offers him a bargain.


Rep. Tom Cole

Cole curls his twisted lip into a sanctified smirk, laughing quietly to himself. But, as Biden takes the stage and recites the reverential presidential oath, those selfish guffaws become a storm of bloody tears dripping from his eyes as steam rises from his palms, a screaming visage of humanity. Meanwhile, in his attic, an old painting begins to hiss and smolder.


Rep. Stephanie Bice

Although she was stopped by those “meddling kids” as she attempted to haunt the old amusement park, as the wicked Bice drops bits of newt eyes and worm toes into a boiling pot. After reciting the ancient text from a demonic tome, she smiles wickedly at the television set when Biden is transformed into the President. In the kitchen, her husband mindlessly makes another sandwich.


Sen. Jim Inhofe

He pissed his pants. But only because he’s old.


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29 Responses

  1. All good, Louis, except Bice is too stupid to be a witch. Just sayin’

    1. I have known several women (and a man or two) who were witches, or thought that they were. Every one was as dumb as a tree stump.

      Being stupid may even be a requirement for witchyness.

      1. It begs the question then. Is it possible to be stupider than a witch? Graychin has opened up that possibility. Good analysis, Graychin!

      2. Even for a career choice like witchcraft in which one’s personal stupidity is considered a feature and not a bug, I think Stephanie Bice is too stupid. I am pretty sure she has staff help her get dressed in the morning… but, in fairness, only for the tricky parts, making sure her shoes go on the correct feet, making sure pants aren’t on backwards, clasping her bra when it isn’t a front clasp… things of that nature.

  2. Many good lines in this … especially the last one …

  3. Don’t forget about Governor Dipstitt. He’ll be leading a maskless, binge-drinking bible study at Buffalo Wild Wings. Don’t worry, though. His wife, Mrs. Governor Dipstitt will be driving…if only she could decide which OHP vehicle to commandeer. I recommend one of the Dodge Challengers because the trip will inevitably end at a crash crash scene, so not only do they make for a quick getaway, but they’ll also wreak substantially less death and destruction than one of the SUVs would…..those silly Dipstitts; I remember when I had my first beer.

    1. Mrs. Stitt is a lovely lady on the inside and out. She resembles Lori. She didn’t run for office. May you find more kindness in your words.
      Curtis, you were not enrolled in Freshman Compisition, at OCU, seated next to Shawna Walters as I was. That beautiful young lady hung her head down every Mon,Wed,Fri and would not speak to anybody. The local media (Mark Shannon) demonized her father based on political idealogy. Other family tragedies needlessly occurred. David Walters was and is a good man. Sounds like Curtis enjoys punishing the innocent.

      1. Gov Walters is a good guy and a friendly fellow. I think he did well as governor and was victim of the Gaylords. Some background: The guy grew up on a quarter section in SW Okla, he and his 4 brothers were able to earn college degrees.

        I know nothing of the Stitts other than he’s been a dimwitt for a governor and his company was sued and banned from out of state. I’m sure otherwise, he’s a nice guy. I think we’re at 3k+ Covid fatality level now; so there’s that.

        1. Ask them up in Cherokee.

      2. Blaine, I doubt you passed CompOsition at OCU. And what exactly is your ideOlogy?

      3. You’re right, Blaine. Mrs. Stitt did not run for office. She was not elected to office. She is not a state employee. According to other state employees who have contributed to this site, that means that she should not have been driving an OHP vehicle when she ran a red light and T-boned another car. Her “privilege” in doing so and apparent lack of accountability since (since we’ve heard nothing since) puts her driving indiscretions smack dab upon her.

        1. At minimum she’s guilty of not driving an SUV with a cattle guard.

  4. I barely recognized that smiling guy as Markwayne Mullin. More often he has a scowl on his face, contemplating his status as an insignificant, back-bench member of the minority party in Congress. He isn’t at all “making a difference” in Congress, as he promised he would while breaking his promise to term-limit himself.

    That picture also recalls Markwayne’s clean-shaven days before he grew his Border (neck)Beard – which he has promised to keep until the “border is secure.” Only a small part of The Wall has been built, and its construction will be halted and its funding (none of it from Mexico) taken away at 12:01 PM today. So he’s gonna have that neckbeard for a very long time – if he keeps his promise, that is.

    1. By the time the wall’s built, he’ll be able to do more than just WATCH Duck Dynasty; he’ll be able to join the cast.

  5. While it’s well and good to ponder what the GOP Elite who would have stolen “four more years” for the (now) ex-president, let’s remember in our thoughts and prayers the unhappy ordinary people of Oklahoma, the 65% whose candidate lost.

    Yes, lost.

    I hope and pray that they will learn to accept it and deal with their loss. I fear that many will have a hard time.

    At least they won’t be claiming that Joe Biden isn’t a real American because he was born in Ireland. Or will they?

  6. Well, I imagine some are attempting to finagle some of Trump’s “voter fraud defense fund” for their own use. They may need it.

  7. Lankford is no doubt practicing his banjo.

  8. As much as I find them all an embarrassment and at best passively heinous, I was moved by the inauguration. Lady Gaga gave me a tear.

    I’ll paraphrase Joe, “Lend a hand because you might need a hand.”

    And another word, “truth”.

    I can only imagine when many of those Trumper insurrectionists look back to what they’ve done, they’ll have such regret and embarrassment, they’ll welcome the judgement rendered them.

    1. :::I can only imagine when many of those Trumper insurrectionists look back to what they’ve done, they’ll have such regret and embarrassment, they’ll welcome the judgement rendered them.:::

      My brother, don’t bet the farm on them 1) having regret, or 2) feeling embarrassed, or 3) welcoming judgement.

      These guys are thugs. They see decency and kindness and civility as weaknesses to be exploited. Think Germany, circa 1933. The only thing missing with these guys are the snappy uniforms and the culturally misappropriated swastika symbols everywhere.

      These are not people you “reach across the aisle” to, or “find common ground” with, or “seek unity” with. You don’t bring a covered dish to a back-alley knife fight. You instead demonstrate a willingness to stomp them (I am speaking figuratively, at least for now) until they wonder what day of the week it is and how long they’ve been sleeping.

      The time for nice-nice with these shitheads has passed.

      1. I can’t say you’re wrong. Hell, I know guys my age that were ashamed of wearing bell bottoms- don’t know many ashamed about protesting The War though. There’s just something about being on the right side of history.

        I’m not sure anyone is bragging on being a segregationist today. They may may lie about “law and order”, “thugs” and such and such. On the other hand, a few have admitted they were wrong.

        My guess, when they see those videos at the Capitol, they cringe and get more embarrassed each and every day. Probably fearing the day when their grandkids ask them “what happened at the Capitol grampa? Were these guys traitors?”

        As the days pass, that fear might scare them more that the Federal Prosecutors that’ll be seeing them soon.

        Just a thought.

    2. Or, they’ll all just wish they’d drank the poison when he directed them to do it?

  9. Ooh, I love me some Stephanie Bice – whose first official act as congressperson was an act of sedition.

    1. As her constituent for many years, she’s a fountain of disappointment.

  10. Well, I’m just glad things went as smooth as they did. I was
    a bit hyped up thinking something bad might happen.
    I purposely try to avoid getting overly involved in politics
    to maintain my own peace of mind but it can’t be avoided

    A friend of mine gradually became consumed with politics and
    world affairs over the years because of too much time on his hands
    and I believe Fox news, Rush Limbaugh(sp) and the others
    managed to fill in the gaps enough so that he could become radical
    when discussing politics or race issues, etc.
    He never used to be that way but it just slowly happened and at times
    I’d think to myself that he’d make good KKK material.
    He also kept guns and had the most annoying neighbors, so much so that
    I feared he might even blow them away in a heated moment.

    Anyway the guy died an early death. I believe his son’s death from alcoholism
    also contributed to it. Basically he worried himself to death.

    Last night I watched a lengthy Hillary interview by Howard Stern on Youtube.
    I liked Trump as billionaire but feared the guy’s mouth and ego would lead
    into a WWIII, whereas Hillary was so highly experienced as if her whole life
    amounted to training to be president.
    If Trump voters had seen such an interview before the election she would have
    won, but as it was the media triumphed in his favor.

    But society’s attitude toward government has changed to expecting cheap
    entertainment from it instead of yearning for the utmost dignity, respect and
    pride for this country like it was following WWII.
    Maybe things will turn around a bit when things are seen in hindsight … a person
    can only hope.

    1. :::Basically he worried himself to death.:::

      This sums it up.

      You get worried, then you get worked up, then you start feeling combative…

      There are a tremendous number of people in the USA who are scared shitless. Sometimes with good reason, sometimes with no good reason. Being afraid, all the time, is part of being a ‘Murican in the 21st Century. When people get scared, they do crazy things sometimes.

      1. Isn’t it incredible how at the first real signs of Anarchy the people who actually have a positive Net Worth seem to wake up and become worried? Amazing.

    2. The Noise Machine succeeded in changing the subject from Hillary’s competence to Benghazi and her emails. Russia, Wikileaks, and James Comey weren’t helpful to her either. Nor the Electoral College. Whatever could have gone wrong for her… did.

      So in a sense, #45’s election was an accident. Yet in 2020, 74+ million voters (and 65% of OK voters) wanted “four more tears” of him. Those folks care about something more visceral to them than competence. My take on it is that #45 hates the same things that they do, and isn’t shy about it.

      1. yeah Benghazi. Same number of dead Americans as at the Capitol insurrection.

        1. That is an interesting comment. You could forward that as a talking point to ted cruz or Chuck Shumer?

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