Ogle Madness XIII: Midwest Region, Second Round
The Madness continues, and we're working our way down to the Midwest. My absolute favorite thing about this round is seeing Kevin Stitt bottom out in the first round. I hope he drowns his sorrows in a nice well-done steak for Meat Week.
Here are your players:
(1) Abigail Ogle vs (8) OG&E
(12) Scissortail Park vs (13) Bella Coquette Vixen
(3) Garth Brooks vs (6) Damon Lane
(2) OKC Cock Ring vs (10) Milk Bottle Building
(1) Abigail Ogle
Last Match: Defeated (16) Epic Charter Schools 330 (82%) to 72 (18%) votes
Who: The Ogle Matriarch Who Shall Rule The World Someday
Biggest Strength: Can defeat any Twitter or Facebook troll with the ease of a Gary England quip
Biggest Weakness: She has to share a surname with this website
vs.
(8) OG&E
Last Match: Defeated (9) Hobby Lobby 280 (70%) to 120 (30%) votes
Who: Oklahoma’s largest electric provider
Biggest Strength: They can charge what they like and fuck up constantly with no consequences
Biggest Weakness: Clearing trees from powerlines
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(12) Scissortail Park
Last Match: Defeated (5) Ogle Brothers 260 (65%) to 139 (35%) votes
Who: The massive new Downtown OKC paid for with our tax bucks.
Biggest Strength: It’s a good place to ride your bike to and drink a tallboy on the top of the hill.
Biggest Weakness: Despite how much money was drained into it, it’s still kinda ugly.
vs.
(13) Bella Coquette Vixen
Last Match: Defeated (4) Kevin Stitt 297 (75%) to 100 votes (25%)
Who: Modeling alias of former Norman Ward 7 city council candidate Monica Marsh
Biggest Strength: Normalizing sexy modeling. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being sexy for money.
Biggest Weakness: But she’s also a Unite Norman creep that is dragging along the dead horse of the MAGA movement.
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(3) Garth Brooks
Last Round: Defeated (14) Dippin Dots CEO 338 (83%) to 69 (17%) votes
Who: The largest music star to ever come from Oklahoma
Biggest Strength: He’s sold nine diamond-status records, and he fuckin wrote ‘Rodeo’ what more do you want?
Biggest Weakness: His alter-ego was Chris Gaines, and that was very silly and embarrassing
vs.
(6) Damon Lane
Last Round: Defeated (11) Craig Groeschel 347 (85%) to 64 (15%) votes
Who: Chief KOCO meteorologist
Biggest Strength: Has his own air freshener
Biggest Weakness: Too into athleisure wear on his days off
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(2) OKC Cock Ring
Last Round: Defeated (15) Sassan Moghadam 355 (88%) to 50 (12%) votes
Who: A very misguided sculpture in Downtown OKC that is… suggestive
Biggest Strength: Making juvenile cretins like us laugh like teenagers who just found porn in the woods
Biggest Weakness: Being an unattractive and meaningless monument taking up space in a dense urban area
vs.
(10) Milk Bottle Building
Last Round: Defeated (7) The Gold Dome 244 (60%) to 166 (40%)
Who: A tiny historic landmark with a massive sculpture of a Braum’s milk bottle on top that bigger than the building itself
Biggest Strength: Acting as one of the most major landmarks in the Asian district, and Oklahoma City as a whole
Biggest Weakness: You can’t get a giant bag of bahn mi sandwiches for a few bucks anymore
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Let's keep the voting rolling, cuz it's only gonna get crazier. Tomorrow we'll roll into the Sweet 16!!!
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