5 hot tips to joining the Oklahoma service industry

With more and more people getting a Covid vaccine, Oklahoma City bars and restaurants are finally starting to fill up again with thirst and hungry patrons, binge drinkers and trivia players.

As it’s been reported in the local media, the conundrum is that many of these establishments can’t find staff. This is for many reasons, including:

1. There was a deadly global pandemic raging over the last year, and for many people, working in a restaurant where Covid could spread fast was low on the list of priorities.

2. Many people in the service industry used this last year to find better jobs in other industries and don’t wanna go back.

But if you need a new gig, there’s definitely some opportunity. From the buffiest buffet to the fastest casual to the finest dining, everyone everywhere is hiring. I’ve spent most of my life working in bars and restaurants, so I’ve got some tips if you’re looking to enter the restaurant workforce for the first time:

Don’t Get Sick

Covid changed this rule a bit, but if you want to work in the service industry, don’t get sick. There’s usually no paid time off, and you’re probably not getting insurance from your job. Your only options are to call every one of your hungover coworkers to ask them to cover your shift, go into work feeling like you’re dying and get everyone sick, or stay home to heal and then get fired.

The Hostess Is Off Limits

Look, she’s cute and bubbly and nice, but she’s 18 years-old, find someone your own age. There’s a lot of creepy behavior in the industry. You don’t shit where you eat, and you don’t fuck where you work. Find a seasoned bartender at another joint like a normal miscreant.

Only Eat One Meal a Day

Be prepared to wake up half an hour before your shift and only have enough time to take a bird bath and put on whatever dumb clothes you’re required to wear. Your shift could be 12 hours, and they are definitely not giving you a lunch break. After all of that, you’ll be exhausted, too tired to cook, and Taco Bell is the only thing open, if you’re lucky. Slump into your couch in your sweaty clothes, eat a sad Crunchwrap Supreme, and fall asleep to an episode of The Office you’ve seen a dozen times.

Be Nice

If you’re working front of house, you’ve gotta have a smiley demeanor at all times. The customer is always right, even though they are actually almost always wrong. You’ll be cruelly verbally abused by the biggest mutants in the world who demand the most insane requests. But if you follow the advice of Dalton from the classic 1989 film ‘Road House,’ which is ‘be nice,’ you might get a $2 tip. This rule does not apply if you work back of house, those guys are all dicks.

Enjoy the Nose Candy

For as many awful things that exist in the service industry, the cocaine flows. Somebody always has a key bump waiting for you. When you’re here, you’re family.

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4 Responses

  1. :::you don’t fuck where you work.:::

    I’ve heard it expressed thusly: “Don’t get your meat where you get your bread.”

    Appropriate wording in this context, methinks.

  2. Someone complained to me recently that a local eating establishments can’t find help. She blamed it on people being lazy and making more off unemployment than they make at a job.

    Maybe she is right, but if that is true perhaps employers need to offer higher starting pay. Just a thought.

    1. Yeah, if you can’t get nibbles, it’s time to sweeten the pot.

  3. Don’t dip your pen in the company inkwell.

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