10 places Leonardo DiCaprio should visit to really experience Oklahoma culture!

Catch him if you can!

Over the past couple of months, Oscar-winning actor and environmental activist Leonardo DiCaprio has been seen cavorting around Oklahoma visiting museums and hanging out with Mayor Holt on breaks from filming the new Scorsese film, Killers of the Flower Moon.

Though I’m glad he is taking some time to experience what this state has to offer to tourists, I’m afraid Leo is missing out on some true, authentic adventures. Here are 7 places Leonardo DiCaprio should visit to really experience Oklahoma culture!

1. The State Fair

From the homemade and homegrown 4-H and FFA exhibits, to the country music concerts and tie-dyed fashion, the Oklahoma State Fair is a potpourri of Oklahoma society. Folks from all over the state come out of the woodwork, the meth house, and the school buses to enjoy the cream of the crop of Oklahoma culture. If Leonardo ain’t busy this Saturday, he can tag along with me and my sister as we take my niece to see Disney on Ice and have a funnel cake. I’ll even foot the bill for his very own airbrush tattoo.

2. A Young Living Party

I’m sure after spending 3 months in rural Oklahoma, Leonardo DiCaprio is hungry for a party consisting primarily of women for which he’s expected to drop a bunch of money.

3. Mathis Brother’s Thirty Four Bistro

Nothing is more Oklahoma than munching on a turkey club wrap and sipping a glass of Cupcake wine while deciding between the Bradington or Laz-E-Boy recliner.

4. Frontier City

In interviews, DiCaprio has discussed eating raw bison liver and sleeping in a dead animal to prepare his stomach and constitution for his role as frontiersman Hugh Glass in The Revenant. But does that mean the star has the gumption to withstand an afternoon in Frontier City without throwing up a $15 cheeseburger on the Diamond Back? Leo can make it as a frontiersman. But can he survive as an Oklahoman?


5. Main Drag in Some Rural Town

It’s not Hollywood Boulevard. It’s not eco-friendly. But as everyone who spent their youth in this state knows, he’s going to run out of other things to do in Oklahoma if filming doesn’t wrap up soon.

6. Old Paris Flea Market

Whether he’s in need of a new knife, black market sub-woofers or a Confederate flag license plate frame, Old Paris is an amazing place to find the simple treasures for any Oklahoma household.

7. Visit a Real Oklahoma Museum

If Leo is so hellbent on spending his limited free time in this state visiting hoity-toity museums, he should at least choose a gallery that highlights real Oklahoma culture, not some French impressionists. Next time, he should visit the National Weather Museum to learn about tornado alley, the OKC Rattlesnake and Venom Museum to engage with Oklahoma wildlife, or the Pigeon Museum to kill some time when you’re high on a Saturday afternoon.

8. Oklahoma Horseshoe School (South Campus)

One of the premier landmarks along I-35, this school lets you know your trip to Dallas is either just beginning or almost done. Observing the students hard at work, striking hammer to horseshoe, will prepare Leo for any future roles he may take as a wayward ranchhand. While he’s at it, he could also take a selfie by the Wayne Payne sign.

9. Ted’s

I’m sure being a part of the Hollywood elite with a career that spans three decades has cultivated Leonardo DiCaprio’s exquisite taste for food as it has for models and $15 million Malibu beach houses. Which is why he should make a visit to one of Oklahoma’s premier chain restaurants, Ted’s, for a chimichanga and complimentary queso that flows as freely as the icy waters of the Cheyenne river in the Revenant. However, for the full Oklahoma cultural experience, it is customary to share a meal at Ted’s only after…

10. Church

There are at least 14 signs in my neighborhood that “invite” passersby to Life Church this weekend. If he’s into a more traditional Oklahoma experience, I got a handful of great-aunts who wouldn’t be above dragging him by the ear into Mass on Sunday. Religious or not, being drug to church is going to happen if you’re in this state long enough.

I’ve got a State Fair ticket burning a hole in my pocket. DM me, Leo. Then follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.

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7 Responses

  1. Still enough water in the Salt Fork for some good ‘noodling.’

  2. Greater OKC Chamber of Commerce or any little ass-backerd, bleak, Stitt inspired town will happily suck him off for investment in on of their kids boutiques or cupcake shops. Just sayin’. He is lucky he did not get arrested for imaginary criminings, just so some extry gung-ho squidbillies would be able to later gossip about it, around a chicken fry.

  3. Since I’m from back east(ern Oklahoma), I had never heard of the Wayne Payne sign and had to google it. That’s laugh-out-loud funny!

    A bistro in a furniture store? Now THAT’S high culture! OKC comes out on top again.

    Leo is filming is in Osage County, and if you’ve ever spent much time there you know that it’s kinda… different from much of the rest of Oklahoma. One thing Leo could do there is visit the Pioneer Woman’s Mercantile in Pawhuska. There’s also the nearby and magnificent Tallgrass Prairie preserve, where the buffalo roam. Not so far from there is the Woody Guthrie Center in Tulsa, which isn’t so hoity-toity. But Woody was from another time, another place. Today’s Oklahoma is more John Bennett than the dirty socialist Woody Guthrie.

    Off-topic, but I was sure that Hayley would be all over that news item about Reba McEntire and companions having to be rescued by Atoka firemen from a crumbling building that she was checking out. Hope Reba renovates the building anyway. Atoka needs all the help it can get. That speed trap won’t pay the bills forever.

    1. Hey, Ol’ “Iron Mouth” Rebar. You reckon them uppity ‘edgy-cay’tud, smarter’n you, Dixie Chicks went’n rigged that there stir’case?

  4. What about a pic at the cock ring?

  5. Why not a chopper fly around tour of some medieval like dungeons in Oklahoma. Start over at the one hundred plus year old State Reformatory over at Granite where he can get a real. granite plaque of himself made by inmates. Then a quick bullet flight due east to Big Mac where he can’t get a cheeseburger but can be regaled with stories about the riot in the 1970s that burned down half of the place and would have done everybody a favor if the whole facility had been torched. Back aboard Chopper One and head due north to the forensics unit at Vinita where they maybe still do medical experiments on the less fortunate. And to complete the rectangle it’s out to Ft Supply near Woodward which hasn’t changed since it was an army post right after the Civil War. It is finally closing. This will be the real Oklahoma not the make believe filming up in Osage County.

  6. Cal Hobson a realtor could show him all of it, call it all an “opportunity zone” or “hub”, for some sweet, sweet tax credits. The state should make its slogan ” hey y’all, invest in us, we got y’all some wage slaves and tax payers that can take more abuse than any other state”.

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