Louis Fowler’s Pandemic Journal: God Complex

During Monday’s Coronavirus briefing with the press, Trump turned the microphone over to MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell—the dude that makes the mostly-comfortable foam-based head-rester—who, after giving self-aggrandizing news regarding their mask-making capabilities, proceeded to, “off the cuff”, tell the American public to read their Bibles.

The Christian one.

To be fair, Lindell actually said that on Nov. 8, 2016, God gave America—a nation that has turned their back to Him, mind you—a second chance at glory with the election of the Godhead Trump and that, perhaps, this will get prayer back in schools, if schools even exist anymore. And then to read their Bibles.

Still the Christian one.

You know, in many forms of post-apocalyptic media, there’s always a self-righteous sect of spiritual sycophants eager to bring forth a terrible Armageddon, believing their defeat over Lucifer and his demonic dum-dums will usher in a return to a 1950s-era (read: Caucasian) of American values they seem to constantly masturbate over.

Oklahoma Porn Star Is Joining the Marines

Back in this website’s early days, we were one of the world’s leading authorities on the comings and goings of Oklahoma porn stars, offering regular updates on performers like Jesse Jane, Ashlynn Brooke, and even Bibi Jones.

Although we no longer cover the scene like we once did, apparently our state is still popping out porn stars like we do astronauts and Miss Americas.

Earlier today, an Ogle Mole sent us this story from an English tabloid about a pornstar from Manford, Oklahoma who goes by the name Vienna Rose. She’s apparently leaving behind the sex on camera trade to defend our country like a true American.

Via The Daily Star:

A porn star is quitting the industry in the hope of joining the Marines.

At just 18-years-old, Vienna Rose left her small town in Oklahoma to pursue a career in porn.

She’d never been on a plane before, but took the leap to chase the Hollywood dream.

While the job allowed the teen to rake in £80,000 a year, the industry wasn’t as glamorous as she’d expected…

You can call the porn profession many things, but I don’t think “glamorous” would be the first one that comes to mind.

Here’s more:

TLO tribute to former US Senator Tom Coburn…

TLO’s most sincere and heartfelt thoughts go out to the friends, family and worshippers of former Oklahoma US Senator Dr. Tom Coburn. He passed away over the weekend due to complications from prostate cancer, and / or after learning the US government passed a $2-trillion stimulus spending package.

Back in 2014, I wrote a lengthy, semi-prophetic article about Tom Coburn stepping down from the US Senate, and the men who wanted to replace him. My thoughts about him then mirror my thoughts about him now:

Out of our two US Senators, Coburn was always the lesser of two evils. Unlike Inhofe, you never thought he was simply acting in the best interests of oil companies or defense contractors. You could always trust he would stay true to his ultra-conservative principles and values, play the role of activist obstructionist, and vote “No” for just about every bill that came his way. Also, where Inhofe seems to get crazier and crazier each year he serves, Coburn did the opposite. He became more open-minded, reasonable and rational towards the end of his term. Sometimes he even made sense.

Naturally, we’ve written a lot about Tom Coburn over the years. Most of them were critical. In our last piece about him, we tore Dr. No a new one after he encouraged our state lawmakers to not fund Oklahoma government:

According to The Oklahoman, Dr. Coburn penned a letter to Mary Fallin and other legislative leaders this week encouraging them to not raise revenue to fund our failing government. I guess it’s part of his plan to make sure that Oklahoma cements its status as our nation’s number one dystopian red dirt shithole.

But not every article was critical of the Libertarian meets Theocrat from Muskogee. For example, I thought he did a great job that time he was on The Daily Show, back when it was still must-watch satire:

Update: ImageNet Abandons Plan To Pocket Employee Stimulus Payments

Yesterday afternoon, we revealed that OKC-based ImageNet Consulting – a premier supplier of enterprise-level scanners, copiers and bad corporate HR policies – devised an “Emergency Employee Compensation Plan” that would essentially swindle employees who earned less than $75,000 out of their government stimulus checks.

Well, it looks like that plan is now officially in the bad idea trash bin – a place it never should have left in the first place.

We’ve obtained via the Ogle Mole Network an email that Image Net Consulting President / CEO Pat Russell sent to his company’s staff earlier this morning.

In the memo, he admits the company did ask “a small group of employees to potentially reduce their compensation temporarily if there was a government stimulus plan,” but thanks to “President Trump’s Coronavirus Stimulus Package… ImageNet will not be asking any employees earning under $75,000 to reduce their pay.

You can check out the full email below:

5 Joe Diffie home karaoke jams

As the COVID death toll rises locally and nationally, we’re starting to see cases of celebrities being infected, and sometimes passing away. Yesterday, we lost Joe Diffie, a modern country legend from Tulsa. Growing up in the 90’s in Oklahoma, it was hard to escape Diffie’s hits, and with good reason. To this day, I unabashadly and unironically love this era of pop-country, and Joe Diffie was one of the heavy hitters.

He had so many hits that are still karaoke jams, the kind that will get the whole bar singing along with you and if you pull ’em off, the old guy sitting at the bar might buy you a round for doing one of his favorite songs. It’ll be a while until you can go out to Cookie’s and pay your respects in front of an audience, but for now you can at least play these songs on your phone and sing along anyways. For best acoustic results, get in the shower.

Prop Me Up Beside The Jukebox

Louis Fowler’s Pandemic Journal: Medicinal Menudo

Saturday, OKC Mayor David Holt took a few minutes out from his job of taking photographs with plates of Made in Oklahoma-branded foodstuffs to announce an amendment to his emergency proclamation, “explicitly” implementing a much vaunted shelter-in-place order.

What that means, basically, is that you must remain inside your house at all times, with the exception of going outside, going to the store, getting some gas, going to a restaurant to get take-out or drive-thru, going to the doctor, going for walks and maybe jogs, having a bike ride and, of course, motherfucking fishing.

So it’s basically everything you have been doing and doing well, unless, of course, you live in some small redneck town where Obummer ain’t gonna tell you how to live. If you’re caught not following the order within city limits, by the way, the po-po can fine you up to $750. There goes most of that stimulus check.

OKC-based company wants to keep employees’ $1,200 stimulus payments….

One of the few positive things about the Coronavirus pandemic is that it shows us just how greedy, heartless and merciless some corporations can truly be.

For example, we have learned via the Ogle Mole Network that ImageNet Consulting – an Oklahoma City-based “Information Technology Solutions” firm that sells high-dollar copiers, scanners, and IT services to companies all across the country – wanted their remaining employees to forfeit a portion of their April paycheck that is equal to the amount they will receive from their government-issued Coronavirus stimulus payment.

(Update! ImageNet Abandons Plan To Pocket Employee Stimulus Payments.)

Basically, ImageNet Consulting came up with a plan to pocket their employees’ stimulus checks!

The move came after the company had already conducted mass layoffs as a result of the pandemic. It was first kind of reported by KXAN out of Austin, which is home to an ImageNet Consulting branch.

For some reason, KXAN didn’t identify the company by name:

Kevin Stitt Attempts to Proselytize Way Out Of Coronavirus Pandemic

Last night, in an attempt to “bring and unite all Oklahomans” together in this time of crisis, Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt hosted a televised prayer rally that excluded every religion, faith and set of beliefs in this state except for one.

Titled “Let Hope Arise: Together in Prayer for Oklahoma,” the ritual featured a godly all-star roster of Oklahoma evangelical church leaders, musicians, and other people who spread faith for profit, and was broadcast live over the air in primetime on every single network affiliate in Oklahoma City.

The event was also aired all over social media. Check it out: