Weekend News Recap

Good Monday morning, you beautiful bastards.

No, I’m not Lucas. My name is Brandon and I will be filling in from time to time to go over what you may have missed while you were forgetting the week before. When Patrick asked me to do this, I figured it was a better plan than what I usually do on my Sunday evenings- close my day job and binge-watch Mystery Science Theater 3000 on Netflix.

So let’s see what happened:

7 Things We Need to Name After Russell Westbrook RIGHT NOW

Over the next week or so, I’m sure there will be about 500 articles, tributes, explainers, think pieces, and all that other fun stuff about Russell Westbrook’s legacy, and the close of Oklahoma City’s promising, fun, thrilling and ultimately-never-100%-fulfilling basketball trilogy that featured three MVPS and some other fantastic stars. This article, and a tribute to Russ that Lucas is working on for next week, will be a couple of them.

Like most people who were born and raised in Oklahoma City, own Thunder season tickets and try to watch every game on TV, I am a Russell Westbrook fan. Although he could be frustrating to watch at times, he was a spectacular player, good dude, and not a soft turncoat who took the easy way out and sabotaged the franchise. His MVP season was an incredible joy to watch. I appreciate everything he’s done for Oklahoma City and wish him the best of luck in Houston with the guy we should have probably kept over him – James Harden.

Naturally, a good portion of the OKC social media echo chamber was cluttered with sad emoji reactions about the move. I can’t blame them. Although the trade – along with the Paul George move – was great for OKC’s basketball future, and hits the reset button on the good-but-not-great purgatory the team was stuck in, it’s bittersweet to see Russ go. Who cares that he is just a professional athlete, primarily lives in California, and only played basketball here because he was drafted by the Thunder franchise in 2008. He was the undisputed king of OKC hoops (after Kevin and James bolted), and stuck with us when he had massive financial incentives to do so. For that, we shall be forever grateful.

As a result, I decided to play to the OKC Twitteratti crowd and get their ideas and suggestions for things we should name after Russ immediately.

Because I’m lazy and don’t want to spend another hour writing this, here are some replies:

Oklahoma is now the 43rd Best State for Business!!!

Our good state has a tendency to be on the lower end of all the good statistics. According to a CNBC poll, we’re #50 in education, #49 in workforce, and #46 in quality of life. Don’t get down on yourselves. Those are just facts and statistics; they stopped meaning anything a while ago. But, while we’re dealing with those pesky numbers, let’s add one more to the list.

Via KFOR.com:

Channel 9 chopper joins hunt for kidnapper. Tails wrong car.

On Wednesday afternoon, Oklahoma City went into full Amber Alert mode, when some unlucky thief stole a grey Nissan Armada on S. Agnew that just happened to have a 4-year-old and 8-month-old inside it.

Naturally, the crack news team at Channel 9 scrambled chopper Bob Mills Sky News Ranger 9 to monitor the scanners, join the hunt and provide live coverage in order to gain eyeballs and generate ratings so they can bring in more ad revenue.

A few minutes later, Captain Jim Gardner came on the air with footage of what he believed to be the vehicle in question. Despite warnings from the cops to stay back and not jeopardize the safety of the kids, he tracked the vehicle on live TV as it made its slow trek through city streets. The only problem? He had the wrong car!

Check out this video that an Ogle Mole sent our way:

Surprise! The OKC Catholic Church still hasn’t released its report on sexual abuse…

Growing up catholic, I had a lot of mixed feelings about the church. Yeah, I got a lot of neat presents and money for my confirmation. Plus, my Baptist friends in high school were always jealous of me getting to drink wine every Saturday night at mass. But the older I got, the less I felt like the Catholic Church was for me 1) because weekly confession was always way too early on Saturday mornings 2) because of shit like this.

Via KFOR…

Back to the Future III cosplayers caught in stolen vehicle with uranium, rattlesnake & cheap whiskey…

Give Oklahoma hoodlums credit. They know how to deliver a good headline.

Last night, KFOR reported that the Back to the Future III cosplayers pictured above – Stephen “Doc” Jennings and Rachel Rivera-McFly – were caught driving a stolen vehicle in Guthrie that had a rattlesnake, uranium, pistol and open bottle of Kentucky Deluxe inside. Basically, it was your typical rural Oklahoma traffic stop.

Here are the details via KFOR:

Tucker’s Impossible Burger (And Their Impossibly Clean Tables)

Last month, while attending a TLO group outing at an Energy FC match, our delightful, behind-the-scenes wonder Beth mentioned her long-term veganism and how Tucker’s, the whimsical onion burger locality, had recently introduced their “found in nature”-based Impossible Burger to the masses.

Almost as if on cue, editor Patrick told me to go forth and check it out.

Returning to Tucker’s was a mostly bittersweet affair for me; while I have always appreciated their hipster-styled onion burgers, I’ve always felt out-of-place in there, especially when dealing with their service: from my order being forgotten and left to freeze on their countertop, to the counter-help and their intense cleaning of the tables as I was still eating, after a while, it became a bit too much for me and my dining dollars.